Dating My Policeman is Bittersweet (a.k.a. A Perfectly Imperfect Couple)

So I was told that I never told you guys what Jack did for a living.  My bad.  I thought I had.

Jack is a police officer.

Yes, I know.  I pinch myself on a daily basis to make sure I'm not dreaming this all up as well.  But we've actually got a lot of really hot police officers here in Florida and according to Jack not all of them are "completely straight."  Whatever that means.

Anyway, I have dated a sergeant in the Army, a manager of Mcdonald's, a professor, a few college students, a financial manager of Amscot....not all of the relationships were great, some of them really sucked, but there you have it.

Dating a police officer is...different.

For the most part I know that Jack is going to be okay, he doesn't work the overnight shifts a lot but every so often I will be asleep in bed and hear sirens and wake up suddenly and reach for him to make sure that he's in the bed with me.  He always laughs when I do this and pulls me to him a little tighter.  It makes me feel better but in the morning when he goes off on duty it makes me sad and as the days pass I get more and more sad.  Not because being with him is horrible, but because it's so amazing.

I love to see Jack come home in his uniform and I must admit that I've had a number of mental erections over that whole uniform covering his wide chest and his firm ass and of course JJ who is like my second favorite person in the world (Jack Jr.-he has a mind of his own I tell you what).  If I'm sitting on the couch when he walks in the front door I put the computer to the side (because it's always on my lap) and I turn with my head up for a kiss.  He tells me I'm silly, kisses me and then goes to change.  If I'm in the bedroom, I usually just "assume the position."  But every day we seem to burrow more and more into this domestic scene, becoming more and more of a couple, referring to ourselves as "we" and "us" and "Vac" or "Jic" (yeah, guess who came up with those names?), making plans for trips to Italy and Australia and Boston and New York and Brazil, both of us knowing that they will never happen.  We lay around and fantasize about a future that we know we will never have.

And it's not just because Jack's job is so dangerous.

We're always aware that cops get shot in broad daylight, especially here in Florida, especially here lately.  We're aware of hostage situations, stand-offs, meth labs, drug busts gone wrong, car accidents, and criminals who will do anything to not go to jail or return to prison.  We know that but we still laugh and fantasize and settle into domestic bliss, neither of us wanting to borrow trouble.

But that's not what makes it bittersweet.

It's knowing that our relationship had a date of expiration.  We don't like to focus on it, we actually try to ignore that it's there but a simple conversation about us possibly moving in together (since I'm pretty much living here now anyway) turned into a few deeper conversations and us finding out that there were a few things that neither of us were willing to compromise on.  Things that put a timestamp on our relationship things that let us know that while we seem so...well...perfect for each other, we weren't meant to be together.

And that makes dating him bittersweet.  Neither of us is ready to let go.  Neither of us is ready to say goodbye to the other.  So we're both holding on to this relationship that is guaranteed to end at the end of the year.  Both of us growing more attached to the other.  Both of us falling more and more in...like with each other (you can't make me say the other word no matter how hard you try *sticks out tongue*).

And while I'm looking forward to my trip to New Orleans for GRL in two weeks, and my trip to Tennessee to spend Thanksgiving with my "family of the heart" from California, and then my trip to New York for Christmas, I want to cancel them all because they just take me away from Jack.  And then I want to call his job and tell them that he quits so that he can sit around all day with me and maybe we can figure out a way to make the impossible possible or barring that so I can torture myself and fall just a little more in like with him.


ETA: So Jack wants me to tell you all why we know.  It's more than just the fact that I need to move.  Every day that I'm here in Florida, I feel like I'm suffocating and like my spirit is being crushed.  I have always been aware of when it's time to move on and I should have left a while ago, I really never should have left California, but I did.  But again, that's not the only reason.  You all know how much I want to have kids and so does Jackson, but Jack doesn't want to have kids...ever.  For both of us it's an issue that neither of us will compromise on.  He doesn't want children, he says that he never will and that's something that I want desperately...almost as much as I want my "manjunk."  LOL.  So while we want to be together, unfortunately, it's not enough.  Jack wanted you all to know so that you didn't try to give me the whole "But VeeVee you can stay" talk.  I already had that talk once and it's just a little too hard right now, to have it again.
But don't worry until we have to say goodbye, we will be lighting up the sheets.  And yes, that is a term.  *Rolls eyes* You guys!  LOL.

Wow

It's been a while since I've written a blog. Blame my long, physically demanding hours at work. I literally come home and pass out every morning. There have been so many things that have gone on that I wanted to share but of course, I was just too tired to do so, but I did think about this blog if that's any consolation.

First thing first (what's up with that phrase anyway? It makes no sense, if it's the first thing of course it will be first. Why reiterate that fact? Anyway...). At my job (I work overnight at Walmart) the gossip has gotten absolutely ridiculous. When it first started about me, I figured that it was because I was "the new girl." I mean, it happens, people speculate about a person, why they are who they are, how they got there, etc. So at first I overlooked the "she's stuck-up," "she's a bitch," "she thinks she's better than everyone else" comments. Then it became "she's a nympho," that one kind of bothered me, but still I said nothing. However, as if my silence and non-response was pissing off the gossipers, it got worse: "she had sex with five guys that work here, she let them run a train on her," "she got kicked out of the military for having sex with her drill sergeant," "she's a lesbian," "she's bisexual," etc. The gossip got more malicious, more damaging and started pissing me off more and more. These people don't even know me, and the ones that are talking are the ones that I don't speak to at all. Maybe that made them mad? I don't know and at first I didn't care, however, it got to the point where I had to let "Bonifah," the name I gave my temper, come out. I subtley threatened or warned some of them, and confronted others.
Do they not know how destructive gossip is? How damaging? Gossip can ruin lives, cause breakups, people kill themselves over gossip. I'm not there, trust me, but I am pissed off to the point where I realize that I may need to transfer and soon in order to preserve my sanity. This is why I don't like people most of the time. Just people in general. And that's very hard to reconcile with my optimistic-"people are basically good"-hopeful-happy personality. I'm not angry, violent, or frustrated by nature, but I'm that way every time I set foot into that building.
So, there's the gossip and then there's the guy. We'll call him....J.D. because those are his initials. So J.D. and I began our flirtation about two months into my employment at my store. I was serious about it, he seemed serious about it. We made out in the store, we constantly texted each other, we talked about the parameters of our "relationship." Then I went into the hospital for castochondritis and he proceeds to tell me that it was all a joke on his part. WTF?! Yeah, I was pissed. But I can read people very well. I tend to overlook or ignore my instincts and intuitions about certain people, but I'm usually right (it's a: "something's just not right" kind of thing). So, because I felt like he actually was attracted to me just scared or hesitant to get involved because we worked together, I kept talking to him, flirting with him, hanging out with him. And we definitely had our moments where it was apparent to anyone looking at us that we liked each other, and then I found one of the roots of our problem. We'll call him J.B. since those are HIS initials.
Never have I wanted to strangle someone as much as I wanted to strangle J.B. Here's this young, African-American BOY (J.D. is Puerto Rican and I'm apparently in my I want a Hispanic man phase- ie, Adam Rodriguez who is HOT.) who feels as if he's ENTITLED to me or that I'm OBLIGATED to talk to him or want him because HE SAYS SO (Yeah, I'm still pissed off about it). He's an arrogant S.O.B. who makes my skin crawl when I think about being around him and my stomach lurch when I think about being alone with him. He's young, stupid, did I mention arrogant? Someone spent way too much time telling him, or leading him to believe, that he was God's gift to women. He tried to be the jerk that picks up women by insulting them (if you've ever seen Criminal Minds Season 04 Episode 09 "52 Pickup" then you know the technique). I'm definitely one of those women that is not only immune to that particular technique, I'm turned off by it. He angers me when I have to talk to him or deal with him, think about him or whatever. As you can probably tell.
Anyway, apparently J.B. was talking to J.D. about me behind my back, egging him on, prompting him to do things, to say things, etc. Living vicariously through him, dating me through him. Which is sick and yes, childish. Like some Cyrano crap. Except the words and the looks all came from J.D.
Last but not least, my birthday is in November, November 16th (Let's give it up for Scorpios! Woohoo!!). And some friends and I are going to Las Vegas, NV for my birthday. I'm supremely excited about the whole thing. We're going to be staying in the Bellagio Hotel and spending four days there. I can't wait to see what happens, who gets married, which celebrities we'll see (GOD, please let Shemar Moore be there and let him be attracted to me! That would be THE PERFECT birthday present-Four days and nights of hot blissful, toe-curling, earth shattering, addictive sex with that FINE piece of man chocolately caramel), how much we lose and win gambling. It's going to be great!!
Well, writing this blog has actually made me tired, which is a good thing. I'll be going to sleep now, I hope all of you out there have a great day/night. Be happy and from what I've learned this past week, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself or to pursue what you want, you'll be happy that you did in the end.