"Has He Seen You?"

I love well-meaning people sometimes.

Sometimes they make you think about something that you never considered before.

A well-meaning person asked me if I was transgender.

A well-meaning person asked me if I was a Dom.

A well-meaning person asked me if I needed to move away from Florida.

A well-meaning person asked me if I wanted to sing more than I wanted to act.

A well-meaning person told me that I should make writing my career.

A well-meaning person told me that I should follow my instincts and my feelings and pursue Daniel.


Sometimes they make you want to either cause yourself physical harm...or them.

A "well-meaning" person got on a thread in a group and grilled and interrogated me in an effort to "understand" and then didn't care that I was so hurt and traumatized I lay around in a daze for two weeks following that.

A "well-meaning" person contacted the biologicals to tell them who I was living with when I was still in Florida and that lead to my "exorcism."

A "well-meaning" person called to tell me about what my biologicals was doing with my stuff and my puppy, even though they knew I'd just gotten out of the hospital for costochondritis and didn't need to be stressed.

A "well-meaning" person said that at this "point" in my life that Daniel was too good for me and that I should let him find someone else.

A "well-meaning" person slandered and insulted a family (new family) member of mine, to my "face" (it online) and tried to tell me that they were doing it for my "own good."

But here's the clencher:

A friend of mine, R, that I've known since freshman year of high school asked me if I was sure that Daniel had seen a picture of me and if I was positive that Daniel knew I was trans*, because while he wasn't "saying" that I was "ugly", he was saying that I "look like a chick" and "isn't Daniel gay?"

I don't know if it's because I was tired and when I'm tired I always tend to be a little more sensitive in certain areas, I don't know if it's because I've always been a little "touchy" about my looks, or if it's the fact that when it comes to being with a gay man when I'm transitioning is already something I'm so emotionally exposed about, but when R said this, I felt like I'd been punched in my stomach. So much so that I for a moment started to think that maybe he was right.

Only for a moment, because just like that I remembered conversations, tweets, blog posts, candid, private IMs where Daniel and I talked about everything.

And while I'm not 100% right now, I'm not the 10% mass of insecurity I was just over two hours ago.

So when it comes to well-meaning people, take their advice and their statements with one hand on your shield to deflect the bullshit and one hand ready to receive the good stuff.

Then you won't have to spend 2 hours on Youtube watching videos of Lucas Teague to cheer you up when you could be sleeping.


-Vicktor Aleksandr