Love Across The Big Pond #5: It's Getting Harder

Dear Daniel,

It's getting harder to say goodnight to you. Goodnight really means good-bye. It means that you're going to be over in England and I have hours before I inevitably give into the urge to sleep myself.

It means that you're not here.

And each time, my fingers hesitate over the keys. Each time I have to say goodnight to you, tell you to go to bed, because I know that you'll try to stay up reading or writing or playing games for as long as you can unless I make you go to bed, each time I have to do that, I feel another piece of my heart break. You aren't here. I'm not there. We should be together so that when it's bed time, we're going there...together.

The Alpha wolf inside of me is pacing back and forth angrily, he wants his mate, his other half. He wants to claim what's his, mark it and keep it by his side.

It's what I want as well.

But I have to press the keys that say goodnight. Press the keys and hope that they convey to you how much I love you, hope that you can feel even a fraction of how much my heart beats for you. You are my first thought every morning and my last thought every night. And saying goodnight to you, when you're not in my arms is getting harder and harder to do. But I'll keep doing it because I'd rather deal with the ache in my chest, the temporary emptiness in my arms, the longing for you that I feel every day, every hour, every minute, if it means that in 8 weeks, I get to make up for loss time.

I get two weeks of heaven with you, two weeks of bliss and love and complete surrender to the overwhelming surge of powerful emotion that I have for you. And yes, you're leaving again after that and we'll have a few more months of IMs, emails, tweets, letters, cards, gifts, texts, Skypes until we see each other again, but it's worth it. Those two weeks will get me through those next few months.

Because I'd rather miss you and know that you're mine than give you up and never truly feel like I can breathe again.

So yes, I miss you and yes it's getting harder to say goodnight, but soon, love, very soon, when I say goodnight, you'll be in my arms where you're supposed to be.


Lovdorish you always and forever.



Love,

Vic

Love Across The Big Pond #4: The Effects of Kissing

Dear Daniel,

Have you noticed more people kissing around you? I never noticed it before but suddenly on every tv show, every movie, every couple in the world is around me and they're all kissing. They're all holding hands and loving on each other and I'm looking at them and wishing that it was us. Wishing that you were in my arms, that you were kissing me or I was kissing you. That it was someone else watching us kissing and wishing that they were us.

Seeing others kiss makes the waiting harder. It's not seeing them holding hands, or watching them walk together with their arms around each other. It's seeing them kiss. Because when they kiss, I want to kiss you, and when I look over you're not there.

So, love, don't be surprised if I want to spend the first hour or so doing nothing but kissing you, because we've got a lot of kissing to make up for and a lot of kissing to look forward to.

Lovdorish You.

Love,

Vic

Love Across The Big Pond: The Adventures of BradVic and Dangelina #3

Here's my 2nd letter to Daniel. Okay, it's not technically my second letter, but it's the second one I wrote with this title. And even though I scoffed at people who said it was a good idea at first, it has helped a little bit.



Dear Daniel (or Dangelina-which you know I love calling you that):

Do you know what I did after you went to bed last night? I started thinking about next year. This is our first Christmas "together," the first time we're celebrating your birthday "together" but still apart. I'm happy you're here, that you're in my life, so happy that I have you, but that damn ocean that's separating us? Well, it's starting to piss me off.

So I've decided to wage a war against the ocean and do all I can to make sure that next year? Before it gets close to the holidays, you are here with me where you belong. In my arms, in my bed. Wearing my ring.

I love you baby.


Love Always,

Vic (BradVic)

Love Across The Big Pond: The Adventures of BradVic and Dangelina #2

Here's the link to Dangelina's (Daniel's) 1st post:

http://danielakaine.com/2011/12/23/1049

Love Across The Big Pond: The Adventures of BradVic and Dangelina

Wasn't that an awesome title? I think so.

So the babez's birthday is Saturday, December 24th and I am UBER excited because hopefully he'll get the presents that I sent him before then. There are two very special items that he's going to get from me.

*devious grin*

So anyway, trying to maintain a long-distance relationship is hard.

And no, not like hard like an erection is hard, *shakes head and scoffs* bunch of pervs, but hard as in difficult.

Not because I don't love him, because oh man do I, but because if he's having a bad day I can't just pull him into my lap and hold him like I want to and if someone fucks with him I can't just go and "give them a stern talking to" (which we all know is "Vic speak" for kick their asses), and if I'm feeling particularly...amorous, I can't just pounce on him like I want to. Which sucks.

So I decided to do something about it. And I talked to him about it, but at the time I was joking, but every day, after he goes to bed, I write him a letter. They're always titled the same way "Love Across the Big Pond", but they help me.

They help in those times when I dream about him and wake up and he's not there beside me. They help when I want to send him a text message but know that I will get the "Failed to Send" because he has an international number. They help when I'm all turned on from watching "Queer as Folk" and can't even make out with him.

They help in those times when I miss him even though I'm talking to him.

And even though I'm all "Dom-ish" and "fierce" I'm still very much a romantic at heart, which is why I write M/M romance (and I've been told my stuff is cheesy, but a good cheesy), and for that reason while my words come from my heart they are oftentimes more about the "emotion" than the "feeling."

So I thought I'd share the first letter that I wrote to Daniel. I'm warning you now. It's short and sappy, but I'm having a slight "pity party" where I'm all like "I miss my fiance and I want him here with me and no one is going to make me feel better about this," so I know that for me, posting this letter will make me feel better and really that's all that matters.

"Love Across the Big Pond" 

Entry #1:

Dear Daniel. 

It snowed today. Not a lot, but enough to make me wish that my arms were wrapped around you. Enough to make me wish that you were waking up next to me, asking me what I was smiling at. And it snowed long enough to make my heart ache to have you here with me. I know that March is not that far away, but any second that I have to spend away from you feels like an eternity. My heart and my soul are yearning for their other halves. I only take shallow breaths because you are my full breath. Know that you are truly loved and that I truly cannot wait until the day that I hold you in my arms forever. Love Always, Vicktor

-Vicktor Aleksandr