Vivianna Week, Day Six: Justin's Letter

Today's post for Vivianna Week comes from my friend Justin. Yes I know, Justin's passed away and he and Vivianna are hanging out together up in Heaven, but my best friend, Angel, has been searching diligently for something to post and he found an old letter that Justin had written to Vivianna and sent that to me. When I read it, I knew that I had to share it.

Hey Vic,

    I found this old letter that Justin had written to Vivianna when you were like four months along. Thought I’d send it to you for Vivianna Week. I’m still writing my post for you. I changed your name so that it said Daddy Vic rather than Mommy Vee-Vic, because you know that Justin used to call you Vic, but the letter was going into Vivianna’s baby book and he wrote it so that it would be understandable to her and your birth family. But that’s the only thing I changed besides the pronouns. Love you, sexy man. James says hi.

-A-

Dear Vivianna,

                I still remember the day that James, Angel and I got the phone call that your Daddy Vic was pregnant with you. We were shocked because your Daddy Vic has never been anything more than this self-assured, extremely vulnerable, more man than woman, in control person from the moment that we met as freshmen in high school, so the thought that he was pregnant was a shock to us. Because he seemed to have absolutely no control over anything (remind me to tell you about him talking about the morning sickness and tiredness. Your Daddy Vic is a way bigger drama queen than me). But Vivi, your daddy is happy that you are on your way. I’ve never seen him so happy. We’ve all gotten into the Vivi Spirit and gone crazy buying things for you. I’ve just bought you the cutest “baby diva” outfit. All in pink. Your Daddy Vic will probably be annoyed because he hates the color pink, but don’t worry, I’ll make sure that you wear it whenever you want to. You’re out perfect little girl. You are our miracle baby. A bunch of gay men are excited to have you as the baby that we all are going to share.

                I don’t know who is more excited though, your Daddy Christopher or me, because no matter what your Daddy Vic says, you are my baby. You are the child that he and I created back when we were sophomores in high school. We’d both always wanted children and had agreed to have children together. You are the reality of that dream, my sweet Vivianna. Because your Daddy Vic may be engaged to your Daddy Christopher, but he’s my soulmate. Always was and always will be.

                So you keep growing in there and we’ll see you soon, sweet Vivianna. And you’ll know who I am when you see me, I’ll be the gorgeous man holding you welcoming you to the world and telling you that I love you.

Love Always and Forever,

Justin

Your Uncle Daddy Justin Thomison

30 Reasons Why I Love You

In honor of Valentine's Day, I decided to post 30 reasons why I love Daniel. Yes, I'm being cheesy, but did you know that in all of my 28 years, this is the first year that I'm not single on Valentine's Day?

I shit you not.

I've always broken up with whomever I was dating right after Christmas [or been dumped right after New Year's], so this is the first year that I have someone, it just figures that fate would give me someone across the Big Pond huh?

But anyway, I haven't done a "Love Across The Big Pond" post in a while, so we'll just add this onto the last one I did. [I'm also guest blogging over at: D.C. Juris Blog and at Chicks & Dicks Blog today, so go check it out and leave a comment]

On to the sappy, romantic cheesiness! LOL.

30 Reasons Why I Love You, Daniel

1. You are constantly trying to get me to speak proper English, even though I speak proper American
2. You get so excited about the games you play that it makes me smile
3. You always seem to know when I need to talk and when I just need to know that you're there
4. You make me laugh every time you try to bribe me into revealing one of your surprises
5. You are just as passionate as I am about the music that you love
6. You challenge me...in everything...and it makes me want to be a better man for you
7. You have never seen anything or anyone other than Vic, you just see me, to the point where when I talk to you, I only see me.
8. You can be just as romantic, if not more than, me but you fight it so much that it makes me want to fight even harder for you to show it
9. You are the perfect counterpart to me. Strong where I'm weak and weak where I'm strong.
10. You don't let me get away with bullshit.
11. You don't let me beat up on myself either.
12. You think people who treat me wrong are horrible and should be punished. You are so fierce in your devotion to me that it makes me unable to breathe sometimes.
13. You are just as possessive of me as I am of you, even on Twitter and it always makes me feel loved.
14. When you were having a bad day at work a few weeks back and you told Kat that you just needed to talk to me and you'd feel better, was one of the happiest moments in my life.
15. You believe that I can and will change and save the world and it fills me with the courage and the desire to make you proud of me.
16. Even though you challenge me...on everything...you know that I say what I say to you because I love you and want to take care of you and you don't fight me for long.
17. Because you never go to bed without telling me goodnight, giving me a kiss and telling me that you love me.
18. You don't like John Barrowman, Shemar Moore or Scott Hoying because I have celebrity crushes on them and it makes me feel loved, it makes me feel like you find me sexy and you want me all to yourself.
19. You are just as anxious to see me as I am to see you, so much so that you moved your date to visit up from April to March 4th to March 2nd to March 1st.
20. Because there are those moments when you don't even realize where you let me know how much you want me to keep you forever and it's in those moments that I know that even with all of my uncertainties, I will never let you go.
21. You think that the idea of you not wanting to be with me is "stupid" and "ridiculous."
22. You think people who expect you to not want to be with me are "stupid."
23. You think I'm amazing [and an evil bastard].
24. You say things to make me growl and be possessive because you love the Alpha male side of me and it turns you on to see me get all possessive
25. You like my family [even if you get pouty when one of them snuggles with me or rubs my belly, because that's your job]
26. You didn't think I was crazy when I was upset by Whitney Houston's passing, you understood and then made it your mission to make me laugh.
27. You get upset when I don't take care of myself.
28. You want me to love you, take care of you and make you happy [and of course fuck you and dominate you, but you know, this is supposed to be romantic]
29. You agreed to at least be in the room with me when I watch Breaking Dawn, even though you said you'd be playing a game or reading the whole time.
30. Because you are the most amazing, smartest, most talented writer, sexiest, most loving, funniest, most British man that I have ever met and you make me happy because you chose me.

*Bonus: I also love you, because I know that you're going to go through this list and telling me every misspelled, grammatically incorrect word or phrase in them and I lovdorish you for that as well*

Happy Valentine's Day Brit Boy. I love you....Brat.

Love,

Vic

My Sunday Morning Love Letter to Dangelina

(Boy meets boy of course)

Lovdorish You,

BradVic

Love Across The Big Pond: The Adventures of BradVic and Dangelina #2

Here's the link to Dangelina's (Daniel's) 1st post:

http://danielakaine.com/2011/12/23/1049

You

(It's been a while since I've written a poem, because they never flow easily, they never rhyme and my teachers always hated them...all except one. Dr. Thompson told me that my poetry was like watching me perform open heart surgery right in front of her. Seeing, smelling and watching the blood flow from my chest and then watching me stitch myself back up and continue living. It was graphic, but she was a literature professor.
All I know is that I put my thoughts to paper, or to screen as I've done here. It's usually one thought, one line, one word, one picture that grips me and propels me forward. This time I got all four. 


One thought: I can't see us ending


One line: I imagine my future and he's always there


One word: You


One picture: His


And from that, this.....poem...this long, drawn out thought arose and bombarded me and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it, so I did. Enjoy!)

You

At the beginning of every relationship I've had
I've seen the ending of them
I've seen that moment when they're no longer in my life
And I've seen myself smiling and happy without them
But from the moment I confessed my feelings for you
Things have been totally different
I can't see our ending
That moment when you're no longer around
I imagine my future and you're always there
I think about myself in 5 years, 10 years, 30 or more
And always I see your face.

I thought that my soul mate had left this world and me behind
Left to wander and grasp at scraps of emotion and feeling
In my despair I never thought to breathe refreshing air again
I thought that my heart remained in my chest, but no longer beat
I imagined myself as a broken shell of a human being
No warmth, no life, nothing but vapor

But then I met you.

And like a tidal wave of air you rushed into my life
And I took my first gulping breath of air
And I could feel the prickling sensations of life returning to my body
I could feel the grief again, the fear, the anger, the sadness
I could feel the hope, the longing, the yearning, the happiness
I could feel love again
True love
The kind that doesn't play by society's rules but makes its own
The kind that knocks those affected by it on their asses and laughs
The kind that people write about
The kind that people sing about
The kind that seems to last

And I felt the fear that I was feeling this
Something so much stronger than I'd ever felt before
I felt the yearning and the longing, the hope that you felt the same
I felt my limbs trembling with the desire to claim you as my own
To discover the broken places and heal them, to make the strong places stronger
To protect and strengthen the weak places
To fit our pieces together
Perfectly.

Because that's what you do to me
Your pieces, fit my pieces
Your strengths are my weaknesses and your weaknesses are my strengths
I want to become better because of you
I want to conquer the world and lay it at your feet
I want to discover new worlds and claim them in your name
I want to save the world so that it's safe for you.

I want a future
With you.

I want to dream
With you.

I want to live
With you.

I want to laugh
With you.

I want to cry
With you.

I want to be
With you.

I want to love
You.


-Vicktor Aleksandr

Saying I Love You

Jack and I were laying in the bed, sweaty, gasping for breath, sticky...(oh yeah, we had a very wild, extreme time, there's a dent in the wall from my shoulders.  LOL), my heart was racing  and I had the biggest shit-eating grin on my face because...damn....it was good!!  When Jack rolls over and looks at me.  He looks all serious and I sort of smile up at him because after that type of workout, you can't do anything but smile.  He touches my chin, kisses my lips and then....

Jack: So you know I love you right?

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!  I swear I just sort of blinked at him and then sat up really fast, my forehead connected with his, we both grabbed our heads, I have obscenities flowing out of my mouth and he's laughing.  Then we both just sort of stopped.  He grins at me.

Jack: You know I love you right?
Me: Why do you keep saying that?
Jack: Saying what?
Me: That you love me.
Jack: Because I do.
Me: You can't though.
Jack: Why not?
Me: Because we haven't even KNOWN each other that long!!
Jack: Wait, so you're putting a time restriction on my feelings for you too?  What the hell Vic!  You don't get to tell me what I can and cannot feel, for Christ's sake!

So I'm feeling pretty shitty and confused and inexplicably upset.  So I, of course, have a chick moment and start crying, yep with my strap on around my waist and everything.  LOL.  So Jack gets off the bed and comes over to where I'm standing and crying and puts his arms around me.

Me: Did you just say that because of what happened with my family?
Jack: (chuckles) No.  I wanted to say it before that even happened, but I didn't want you to freak out on me or anything.
Me: (hit him on the arm) Shut up fucker.
Jack: Hey now, sometimes I'm the fuckee.
Me: (laughing) Oh man that's just corny.
Jack: Well, I have to match my quota of corny jokes with yours.
Me: I do NOT make corny jokes!  I'm fucking hilarious!
Jack: No, you were fucking Jack, you weren't fucking hilarious.

So I burst out laughing because Jack was obviously in one of his silly moods and I love it when he gets like that.  He picks me back up and carries me back over to the bed because after a rigorous bout of hot JV sex (Jack & Vic sex) my hip and back are screaming in pain.  We lay back down on the bed and I'm still laughing a little bit.  When I stop he looks down at me and I just know he's going to say it again and I was right.

Jack: So you know I love you right?
Me: (nods) Yeah, and I love you too.
Jack: Good.
Me: Fabulous.
Jack: (looks away for a bit then looks back at me) Want to go again?
Me: Hell yeah!

Then we celebrated the fact that I'd stopped being a chicken shit and said it back.

I sort of freaked out today because dammit it's going to suck even worse now to say "goodbye" but thankfully Kate, my older online sister talked me off of the proverbial emotional ledge and said "You know that the goodbye is coming but don't spend the next few months worrying about it because then you won't be able to enjoy this time."

And she was right.  So I'm happy that I said "I love you" to this amazing man who sometimes I'm afraid to even sleep beside for fear that I'll wake up and find out that it's all just a dream, but I'm going to enjoy this time.

And keep on saying "I love you."