I went to the home of my biological family and was exorcised because they'd found out that I was a transgender male and homosexual. My being born in the wrong body and being a gay man was not something they saw as being good and moral. I was instead an abomination, filled with the devil and needed to receive an exorcism.
Yeah, not cool.
Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while remember how much that rocked me, how I was in a state of shock for a while, for those of you who didn't, you can read the post here.
So today I must admit to being a little on edge. Slightly paranoid and needing a shit load of liquor and cigarettes just to keep my body from shaking out of its skin in fear. I'm not saying that I think my new family would do that to me. They say that they accept me as I am and regardless of the ups and downs I believe that they do, so that's not where the fear is coming from. The fear is coming from the fact I wouldn't put it past my biological family to show up and snatch me. They're not the devil incarnate but they are fanatical about their beliefs.
And yes, I know that's mostly the paranoia talking, but I also know that last year was horrible for me. The rest of the month was filled with ups and downs as well. Between the passing of my Granny, my friend Mores, being disowned, last October sucked ass.
And not in a good way.
So I'm a little fragile today, a little sensitive, made even more so because I can't actually see if there's any danger coming. So I'm being gentle with myself, trying not to stress myself out too much, not pressuring myself to do something that I'm just not up to doing.
And I'm keeping my back to the wall.
Just for safety's sake.
-Vicktor Aleksandr B