Self-Preservation: Running Away to Hide

I'm going into hiding.

Why?

It's a matter of self-preservation.

As fucked up as it sounds, too much good stuff has happened to me.

I've got three moms, nine sisters, three aunts, five brothers, two cousins, an awesome Nieceling, nephrews and a dad.

All of whom support and encourage me. All of whom love me.

Unconditionally.

Then there's Daniel, the fiance'.

A man who only sees me. He only sees Vic and it's refreshing and amazing and every time I think of him or talk to him, I can't stop smiling. He loves me and supports me, makes me laugh, and is one of the biggest reasons why I keep pushing forward, keep breathing, and why I've started singing again.

And then there's my writing.

Many of you were here when I started writing Unthinkable. You pestered me about writing more, you encouraged me, you asked me about the characters, you pointed out things to me. Thorny was the one who told me that I should make writing my new career and while his presence in the book was not widely appreciated by all, when someone saves your life twice, you thank them, very publicly. Suzi, who was determined to have me keep writing until the book was finished and equally determined for me to write Tommy's story, gave me the push that I needed to keep going. Kat, Luci, Lucy/Kat, CJ, Matt, Brad and Becky who were always my cheerleaders in the background were, a lot of times, my audience.

So when I decided to self-pub Unthinkable, I did it for you all. Then people started buying it. Then people started buying Inconceivable, and this thing, this impossible dream that I'd had for myself, this goal that you all told me to reach for, was right there. I was a writer. I was an author, and I absolutely couldn't believe it.

Then I started meeting other authors and then on Goodreads I started getting "fans" and then more and more people were adding my book to their TBR list. Then one of my big sisters, Cherie, told me about my book going up on ARe (All Romance Ebooks) and I did and within 24 hours, I'd sold more than I had any other time. Then days went by and I saw that Unthinkable and Inconceivable were shooting up into the hundreds and all of this time I'm writing A Very Tate Christmas, sort of secretly, because I wanted to surprise all of you. And that's when I got the IM from Daniel:

":O Your book Unthinkable is #9 on the ARe Bestseller list."


To be honest, I thought maybe he was reading it wrong. I was already shocked that it had gotten bestseller status in certain genres but he was making it seem as if it was the main list. I mentioned it to Cherie, who wisely went to look it up, knowing that I wouldn't do it. When she told me it was true, I was expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me that I'd been "Punk'd" by the very people that were hating on me just months ago.

But Ashton never appeared and my big sis Tay-Tay told me to enjoy my way to the top.

I thought that she was just being her usual loving, big sister self. Because my big sisters are awesome and they love their "baby bro," and I thought she was just being encouraging.

Cherie told me that my book would keep rising.

In my head I thought she was full of shit.

Why were people buying my stuff? This story that I'd written for my online blog friends and online blog family. Why were they interested in these shape shifting cowboys and their mates? I was floored and so overwhelmed that I went to bed before 4am this morning and still woke up at 8.

I only do that when I'm sick or I'm crashing.

So when I woke up and saw a "Wow. Congratz Vic! "Unthinkable" is now #5 on the ARe Bestseller List." I knew then that I needed to go into hiding. Not from writing, but to get my head around the fact that people actually want to read my stuff. That they want to actually buy my stuff and read it.

These same people turn around and buy Inconceivable and find me on GR, Facebook, Twitter, email me and tell me how much they liked or loved my books. And I am floored. I am shocked, amazed and so overwhelmed with gratitude and amazement that I have to go hide myself somewhere, be alone and wrap my head around the fact that good things are happening to me.

That good things keep happening to me.

That I didn't come out and then my world was destroyed.

But that I came out. Admitted the truth that I'd been fighting since I was a kid. Stood up for me, something I don't think I've ever done. Told those in my life to (in the words of Mary J. Blige) "Take me as I am or have nothing at all." I moved. I left the comfort and safety of conforming, of denying and repressing, and I stepped out into the light of truth and acceptance and support  and encouragement and oh-my-gosh-is-this-happiness and found out how beautiful it is.

I began healing. I kept writing. I gained more friends, more family, found the love of my life, my soul's mate and kept writing. And wow, people keep buying.

I am amazed. I am overwhelmed. I am so unbelievably grateful. You all who have stuck with me through it all. You all that have joined "The Vickster" maybe a little later on down the tracks but you're on this ride, holding on just as tight as those who were here at the beginning. Even those of you who threw rocks and paint and bombs, grenades, shot bullets at "The Vickster" and never apologized when you saw that your assault was in an area that had already been assaulted or even those of you who assaulted "The Vickster" and continue to keep assaulting "The Vickster," I am thankful to all of you. Because of you, I'm here. I'm stronger. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

So, yes, as a matter of self-preservation so I don't "self-sabotage" myself, as I've been known to do when good things start happening, I'm going to go and hide in my Purple Fantasy Den and regroup and then come out (LOL-or rather return) and still be myself.

And keep writing.

So thank you all. Your support is invaluable to me.


Sincerely,

Vicktor Aleksandr B.

My Secret Book Project: The Cowboy's Fireman

So a few weeks back my friend Katharina made a comment about how she and another friend of ours liked firemen and cowboys and that if I wrote a book about either of them they'd be happy.  Well, as you know The Tate Pack Series is about shape-shifting cowboys in Wichita Falls, Texas.  Books 1 & 2: Unthinkable & Inconceivable are already finished and published.  Books 3-5: Unassumed, Impossible, & Untouchable are WIPs.

But, when Katharina made that statement my mind began to spin stories.  At the time I had drafted a story about a fireman already but that story was quickly thrown out and a new story took shape in its place: The Cowboy's Fireman.  Affectionately termed TCF by me.

Here's the blurb:

Everyone in Princeton, Missouri knew that Fireman Reginald "Reggie" Mayr hated Kenton "Kent" Hunter, the co-owner of Mercy Ranch.  No one knew the details of how the rivalry between the two former friends began, but everyone knew that it existed.  It was quite the source of entertainment for the residents.  So when one of the barns at Mercy Ranch catches on fire and Reggie is one of the firemen on duty, the town awaits with baited breath for the two men to finally come to blows.


Reggie didn't know why Kent was still holding a grudge against him for being to scared to stand up to the guys that were bullying him, especially since he'd tried apologizing, but he knew that he was justified in his anger towards the cowboy.  He and Kent had grown up together, been best friends, and when Reggie's grandmother had passed, Kent hadn't shown up at the funeral.  So when Reggie races out to a fire at Mercy Ranch he plans on putting out the fire and then finally having it out with the town's favored son.  But when he has to rescue Kent from the burning structure and Kent makes a startling confession will Reggie be able to let go of his anger, hurt and resentment enough to have a relationship with his rival?


Kent had always loved Reggie.  Since the day he turned ten all he'd ever wanted was to belong to Reggie and have Reggie belong to him, but when he needed Reggie the most, Reggie wasn't there and after that Kent buried his feelings and turned his back on his friend, making him his enemy.  Years had gone by and Kent never saw signs that Reggie had ever changed from the young boy desperately seeking approval and popularity from everyone and for that reason Kent could never take the chance to be with the one man he'd always loved.  But when he's rescued by Reggie and confesses all, Kent is amazed to discover that the boy of his fantasies has become the man of his dreams.


But has too much bitter rivalry, hurt, anger and resentment clouded the chance that these two men have with each other?  Will they ever be able to get past their childhood expectations of a perfect friendship in order to have an ever lasting love?  Or are they doomed to forever be rivals?

Inconceivable: Book Two of the Tate Pack Series is NOW Available!!

Blurb:

Tommy Wilkins, a.k.a. "Tammy Walks" was happy with his life as one of the highest paid drag queen performers in New York City. He had a gorgeous apartment in Greenwich Village, men throwing themselves at his feet and he had lots of money in the bank. He didn't need the family that shunned him, the boyfriend that used to beat the hell out of him or even the gorgeous sexy linebacker looking Texan cowboy, named Anton "Ton" Forrester, that his friend Richard introduced him too. All he needed was himself. 


But Ton wasn't going to give up so easily because you see, Tommy is his mate, and he wants all of him, makeup, heels, dresses and costumes included. He wants to heal every scar and make the smaller man believe in love again. 


There's only one problem, someone is determined to keep the two men apart, even if they have to kill Tommy to do so.






My SECOND book: Inconceivable: Book Two of the Tate Pack Series is NOW available for purchase online.  And guess what?  (*whispers*) This time it even has a sexy cover that I think you'll enjoy!!







And how excited am I?  *Happy Dance*


And for more "Squealishousness" (Yes that's your new word for the week):


                                  I AM NOW LISTED ON GOODREADS AS AN AUTHOR!


Oh yeah!!  I am UBER excited people!!


DANCE WITH ME!!  *Plays Lady Gaga and dances around room*

Inconceivable: Part Fourteen

*So I hadn't planned on putting up another installment because "Unthinkable" and "Inconceivable" are both going to be published through Lulu.com (as will the entire Tate Pack Series) but since yesterday was so fabulous and today was EVEN BETTER and Lucy/Kat asked me for another installment, I'm going to post up part 14 for you all!  {HUGZ AND SQUEEZES} Vee/Vic*




Part Fourteen:


     Tommy swayed his hips in time with the music, his head thrown back as he sang "You and I" by Lady Gaga at the top of his lungs.  He wore a tight black leather mini-skirt, an extremely low cut silk white blouse, black high heels, his hair was pulled up into an elegant up-do, with tendrils of his black hair framing his face.  His flawlessly, make-up covered face.  He looked stunning and he knew that he did.  As he continued to perform for the audience he looked out over the faces that were there and saw that none of them seemed to be enjoying his performance.  They all seemed horrified by him.  He stumbled on the stage and looked around wondering what was the problem and saw a trail of blood all over the stage.  He froze mid lyric and gasped.  Who was bleeding on the stage?  Looking around he realized that no one was up there but him.  Was he bleeding?  But how was that possible?  He couldn't feel any pain or the loss of any blood.  Maybe it was a practical joke.
     Looking back out at the audience he saw that there were two men standing.  He squinted his eyes, the stage lights momentarily blinding him.  When his gaze cleared he saw himself looking into the hateful eyes of Adam Quinn.....Adam Quinn holding a gun pointed at Tommy.  Turning his gaze to the other man, he saw that it was Ton and he looked furious.  The only problem was he was looking at Tommy.
     "Ant?" he questioned as he stepped forward, his hand outstretched.  He heard Adam pull release the safety and felt fear ice his veins.  He heard Ton growl and he looked back at him, confused by his reaction.
     "Don't.  You.  Dare," Ton growled at him and Tommy took a step back.
     "Me?  Dare what?" Tommy asked, his voice frantic as he watched Adam take aim at him again.
     "Don't you dare let him take you away from me," Ton said angrily.
     Tommy shook his head.  Surely Ton understood that it wasn't his choice?  Adam was holding a gun.  How was he supposed to fight against a gun?  He wasn't a wolf shifter.  He wasn't big and strong like his mate.  He was a human.  A frail human.  A small, cross-dressing gay man.  How the hell was he supposed to fight against a bullet?
     "Love," he heard Ton respond and his shocked gaze swung to him.
     "What?" he croaked out and he watched with equal parts trepidation and hope as Ton walked up the steps to join him on stage.  The bigger man stopped in front of him and took his face in his hands gently.  He smiled down at him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.
     "Love.  Didn't you say that you loved me?" Ton asked and Tommy merely nodded.  Ton grinned, "Well, I love you too and you can't leave me.  I won't survive with out you.  So if you really love me like you say you do then you'll fight to stay with me.  You'll fight for us.  That love will bring you back to me.  So don't you dare let him win."
     Tommy nodded and lifted up on his toes to kiss his mate.  That speech had been the most beautiful and eloquent thing that he'd ever heard the cowboy say.  Richard must have coached him.  He heard Ton growl and giggled when he realized that the other man must have understood his thoughts.  He opened his mouth when he heard Adam yell out and heard the gun fire.  His body jerked as if shocked and he clung to Ton's neck.
     "CLEAR!" he heard a distant voice yell seconds before another jolt of electricity shot through his body.
     "C'mon baby, don't give up.  Don't let him win. Fight!" he heard Ton yelling at him.  He nodded and tried to speak again.
     "CLEAR!" that voice sounded closer and Tommy felt another, stronger jolt of electricity shock through his system.
     "Come back to me!  Tommy please!" Ton was crying now.  Why was Ton crying?  And then Tommy saw it.  A bright light shone on one side of the stage and Ton stood at the other side.  The light felt warm, comforting and inviting.  But.....Ton was waiting for him and Ton was crying.  But the light felt so good, it was welcoming him home and he could hear his grandmother's voice.  Without another thought he took a step................


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


     .........and with a deep breath opened his eyes to the sounds of a siren, yelling voices, crying and complete and utter chaos.  What the hell was going on?!
     "BABY!  You came back to me!" he heard Ton yell as he gathered him into his arms.  Tommy's mind was filled with images of the strange dream he'd had, the utter chaos surrounding him as pack members, ranch hands and the like all ran around barking orders at each other, and the events that led to him lying on a gurney.  Suddenly memories assailed him.  Ton talking him into riding a horse by riding with him.  He and Ton laughing and teasing each other.  The feeling of being watched.  The sound of gunfire.  The horse falling, the searing pain in his back and then the blissful feeling of nothingness.
     "Ant?" his voice croaked as his hands clutched his mate to him tightly.  "Am I paralyzed Ant?  Baby?  Answer me!  Please!" he pleaded with his mate when the other man stayed quiet.  He felt Ton's body shaking with sobs as he lifted Tommy and sat on the gurney before  pulling his body into his lap.  Tommy looked down and realized that he couldn't move his legs,  He felt tears roll down his face before Ton even responded.
     "They won't know until we get you into a hospital, but it doesn't look good," Ton answered ignoring the paramedics who tried to get him to move so that they could get Tommy into an ambulance.
     "Will you still want me?  Even though I can't walk?" Tommy asked in a small voice as he gasped for breath, his body convulsing in pain.
     "Sir!  We really need to get your...boyfriend to a hospital!" one of the paramedics yelled at Ton.  Ton growled at the man and gently lowered Tommy back to the gurney.
     "He is my husband!  My mate! My partner," Ton responded with an angry growl at the paramedic who jumped a bit at the aggressive tone before nodding and grabbing the head of the gurney to assist his partner in getting Tommy into the ambulance.  Tommy locked eyes with Ton, afraid that the man wouldn't be joining him in the vehicle.  Afraid that he wouldn't want him anymore.  He breathed a sigh of relief when Ton climbed inside and took one of his hands while the paramedic worked to make sure that he stayed stabilized.
     Ton leaned down, close to his ear, "Nothing in this world would ever make me not want you.  You are my mate.  For better or for worse.  In sickness and in health.  To love, honor and cherish.  For richer or for poorer.  Forever.  You are mine and I will never let you go," the bigger man told him, his words loving and thick with emotion.
     "Me too," Tommy responded with a smile before he closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing his thoughts and his pounding heart.  He had thought his life had been turned upside down when he'd mated a wolf shifter...but that was nothing compared to now.  Would he be able to handle being paralyzed and what about Adam?  Did anyone catch him or was he still out there...waiting for his next chance to finish the job?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Adam followed the ambulance with a grim smile on his face.  He hadn't meant to shoot Tommy.  Tommy was his baby.  His love.  He would never do anything to seriously hurt him.  Oh, he'd have to rough Tommy up a few times, so that he knew his place, but he would never want him to die or to be paralyzed.  The bullets had been met for the other man.  The one they called Ton.  The huge, hulking mass of idiot that thought he could take Tommy away from him.  He'd gotten off easy last time, but next time he wouldn't miss.  Next time Ton would be the one fighting for life while Adam took Tommy to France with him...where he belonged...forever...until death did they part.

Tommy and Ton from Inconceivable-SO NSFW!

I saw this picture during my....*nervous cough* research and it sort of looks like how I picture Tommy looks.  Except this guy is obviously taller, but this will give you a faint idea of what Tommy looks like.  The second picture is a picture of what I imagine Ton looks like sort of.  Just imagine the guy in the picture a little bit broader in the chest and his *grin* "member" a whole lot bigger.  Enjoy!! (Man do I love "research"!)

Inconceivable: Part Thirteen

Part Thirteen:


     Tommy looked at the brown mare with fear, his stomach roiling within him as he struggled not to turn and run for the hills.  Okay, so there weren't any hills nearby, but he would certainly run for his bedroom and hide underneath the covers.
     "It's not going to bite you unless you do something to piss it off," Ton whispered behind him and he nodded slowly as he bit his lip.
     "Yeah, but what if she gets pisses off just because it's me on her back?" he asked in a soft voice, trying to remember what Ton had said about not spooking the horse.
     "This is the same mare that Richard was first trained on.  I think it would be fine for you," Ton replied, amusement evident in his voice.  Tommy rolled his eyes and turned to face his mate, planting his fists on his hips.
     "There is a big difference between Richard and I," he practically growled.  He could see the flare of annoyance in his mate's eyes and watched as the other man squared his shoulders.  Ton was fighting his wolf and Tommy knew that.  He knew that the wolf was seeing insubordination in its mate and wanted to bring him to heel underneath him, but he didn't care right then.  He was scared and his mate wasn't helping him by comparing him to Richard.
     "And what is the difference between you and Richard?  Besides the fact that you're smaller and more beautiful than Richard could even dream of being?" Ton asked, his head slightly tilted to the side in confusion. Tommy fought a blissful sigh at his mate's sweet words and shook his head.
     "Thank you for the compliment but no.  Richard is graceful.  He's a dancer, that's sort of a requirement.  He would have a very easy time flowing with the movement of the horse.  Me?  I can't dance worth shit and I doubt that the horse will take it easy on me if I cook for it or sing for it or teach it how to wear women's clothing properly," he pointed out and heard the whine in his voice...which he found perfectly justified.  He watched as Ton's lips tightened as if he were struggling not to laugh and he grew even more annoyed.
     "Well have you offered that to the horse?  Maybe she'd like that," Ton muttered seconds before bursting into loud howls of laughter.  Tommy crossed his arms and glared at his mate.  Was he seriously finding this amusing?  What was amusing about this?  Tommy was terrified.  Terrified of being on that horse.  He was scared of what would happen to him and what he would do accidentally.  He didn't know enough about horses, about riding horses to even begin to sit on one, much less ride it.
     Not for the first time he wished that Ton was an alpha so that they could share a mental link as well, just like Richard and Vet.  It was something exclusive to alphas and if Ton should ever become the alpha of his own pack then he and Tommy would have a mental link, but for now all they had was a hyper awareness of each other, a need to protect, care for, and love each other, although Ton had yet to admit to feeling such a thing, and a desire for each other.  A fierce, aching desire.  One that overwhelmed all rational thought.  They could sense each other's feelings which was sort of good, but he wanted Ton to be able to see what he saw whenever he looked up at that horse.
     "What has you so scared beautiful?  Why are you so afraid of riding this horse?" Ton stepped closer to him and bent low to speak directly into his ear.  Tommy shivered as his mate's warm breath brushed against his neck, goose bumps rising along his skin and his cock growing hard behind the zipper of his jeans.
     "Every time I look at this horse, all I see is me falling off of it.  I see me falling off, breaking my arms, my legs, my back, my neck when I hit the ground and then I see the horse getting spooked by my cries of pain and her clomping down on top of me, killing me, as she's running away," Tommy admitted softly.  He waited for Ton's laughter and when none came, he chanced a glance up at the bigger man's face.
     Ton didn't look amused or disappointed, he looked...caring.  His eyes had softened considerably and he saw genuine caring there for him.  He was baffled at this response, especially since he had been expecting another one.  He could have handled Ton being angry with him, teasing him, being disappointed in him...they were all emotions expressed by different people in his life the day he'd come out as being gay and then again when he'd come out as being a cross-dressing drag queen.  But this?  This...caring?  This look of possessiveness and kind indulgence?  What the hell was he supposed to do with that?
     He opened his mouth to make an innuendo about riding Ton instead when Ton spoke and shocked him into silence.
     "I'll ride with you," the other man said.
     Tommy stood there in a daze.  No one had ever volunteered to take care of him like that, especially not in the face of all of his drama, paranoias and fears.  Richard was nice, loving also, but Tommy knew that sometimes his best friend got annoyed by the sound of "I can't do that" forever leaving Tommy's lips and Tommy always felt bad about saying it, but who would understand his irrational fears and still love him regardless?  It was why he'd been content with the short-term affairs and week-long flings he'd found himself in over the years.  He'd never had a partner, much less thought that he'd have a mate, someone that fate had sat aside just for him.  He was floored with emotion.
     His eyes filled with tears and he launched himself into Ton's arms.  "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he muttered over and over again as he kissed every inch of Ton's face and neck, his legs wrapped around the other man's waist, his hands holding his face as he kissed him.  He heard Ton chuckle over his exuberant reaction and pulled back to smile into his arms.
     "If I had known that that was all it took to get you to ride this damn horse, I would have offered a fucking hour ago, when we first got out here," Ton teased before setting Tommy down on his feet.
     Tommy didn't even mind the teasing now and just offered his mate a big grin.  He was going to ride a horse for the first time in his life...with his mate.  Someone who cared enough about him to ride on the horse with him.
     "Now, I'm going to put you on the horse first, you just find your seat in the saddle, that's the place where you feel most comfortable, and then I'll mount up behind you and we'll be off," Ton said with a blush at his words.  Tommy decided to let him pass on that one, since he seemed to already know what he'd said and his mind had apparently already gone to that place...or at least that's what the thick bulge straining the fabric of his jeans hinted at.
     Tommy walked back over to the horse with determined strides and stood next to it.  He felt Ton kneel down next to him and offer to boost him up into the saddle.  Putting his right foot in the stirrup, he lifted his left foot into Ton's hands and then with a one-two bounce, lifted his leg up gracefully over the side of the horse and sat down very close to the saddle horn, almost knocking his testicles into the hard piece of...leather?  Plastic?  Well, whatever the hell it was, it would have hurt him badly if he'd sat down on top of that.
     His mind had so wandered that he didn't realize that Ton was behind him until he felt the horse shift and then felt Ton's arm wrap around his middle and pull him back tightly into his chest.  Both men groaned at their close proximity to each other and Tommy found himself wondering what it would feel like to have Ton fuck him on the back of a horse.
     "It's definitely something that we'll have to try out," he heard Ton growl in a low voice full of arousal and Tommy realized that he'd spoken aloud.  Blushing, he turned his head to the side and kissed Ton deeply, their tongues dueling, that feeling of being swept under the maelstrom that was Ton rising over him again and it was with great reluctance that he pulled his lips away from the other man's and turned back to face forward.
     He took a shuddering breath and felt Ton take his own just moments later.  He struggled to clear his mind of its lust induced fog and cleared his throat before speaking.
     "So where are we riding to?" he questioned.  He felt Ton's erection against his ass and he struggled not to squirm
     "I figured since this is your first time that we'd just kinda ride around the corral.  You know real easy and gentle like.  The saddity folks call that a canter," Ton responded before pressing his booted heels into the horse's flanks and setting them off at a slow pace.
     "A canter is what the other people call it.  What do you call it Ant?" Tommy asked, one hand holding onto the saddle horn for dear life, the other one held tightly to the arm that Ton had wrapped around his waist, Ton's other hand held the reigns.
     "Oh I don't know, a trot.  Vet and Richard started calling it a canter.  I just say a slow, easy ride," Ton responded.
     Feeling a little more comfortable on the horse, Tommy felt his body start to relax and so he answered back cheekily, "Well, it'd be nice to have a slow, easy ride for once, all you ever give me is fast and hard ones."
     "You sure aren't complaining when you're shooting your load all over yourself," he heard Ton's teasing reply.
     Tommy never got a chance to respond because at that moment three gunshots sounded in rapid succession.  One hit Ton in the leg, one hit the horse, Catherine, in her chest, killing her instantly and the other ripped through Tommy's spinal column.
     All three bodies went down.  First Catherine's body tilted to the ground taking the bodies with her, landing half on top of Tommy, who couldn't move and wasn't breathing and half on Ton who was screaming for help and attempting to free himself so that he could shift and heal and then take his mate to the hospital to be cared for, before he returned to the woods to kill Adam Quinn because he knew that it was him that had shot at them.
     Tommy's thoughts were a jumbled mess.  He knew that Catherine was dead, but that he and Ton were alive.  He could hear Ton cussing up a blue streak about "the damn bullet" in his leg, the horse on top of him and his mate and the bullet lodged in Tommy's spine.  He also knew that he couldn't move or feel his legs, though his arms and hands were just fine, as was his head.  He looked down at his legs, his useless legs and then over at Ton.  Would the man still want him if he couldn't walk anymore?  What about having sex?  What if he was incapable of getting an erection?  What if he couldn't have an orgasm anymore?
     These thoughts swirled through his head like a tornado until finally the blessed darkness washed over him, taking away the thoughts, the fears and most of all the sound of Ton's fear-filled profanity and the sound of Richard's pleas to be "okay."  He'd never be okay again.  And with that last thought he closed his eyes and knew no more.

Inconceivable: Part Twelve-NSFW

Part Twelve:


     Ton grinned widely at his alpha as the two broad shouldered men followed their smaller mates through the barn and past the horse stalls.  Vet had teased him mercilessly about being caught fucking his mate on the floor, but Ton was unapologetic.  He was insatiable when it came to Tommy.  He'd be fucking the smaller man right now if all of the ranch hands weren't out and about.  He looked up and eyed the hayloft with a lascivious grin.  Vet chuckled beside him.
     "I remember how that was," the alpha said.  Ton looked at him and raised his right eyebrow in question.  "When all you want to do is fuck your mate on every surface, marking him everywhere you can."  Vet nodded with a grin and turned his loving gaze back to his mate who had thrown back his blonde head and was laughing at something that Tommy had said.  Ton watched as his alpha's face softened, a small smile coming to his face and if asked Ton would have sworn that Vet's entire body radiated love in that moment.  He felt overwhelmed by it.  The cloying scent of love, arousal, contentment and happiness surrounded his alpha and Ton felt an answering clench of yearning form in his gut.
     "How did you know?" he whispered, not really expecting an answer but hoping for one.  He stopped at the same moment that his alpha did and watched as the man's face scrunched as if in intense thought before clearing.
     "How did I know that I loved my mate you mean?" Vet asked for clarification.  Unable to speak past the lump in his throat, Ton merely nodded.  He watched as Vet looked over at Richard again, another smile coming to his face.  "When the thought of him made me smile.  When I realized that the sun wouldn't shine as bright if he weren't in my life.  When his happiness was the most important thing in the world to me.  When my heart clenched just at the sight of him.  But more than that-" Vet looked back at him and Ton felt paralyzed by the intense look that the alpha wolf gave him, as if he were looking past all of his barriers and into his very soul.  "The moment that I realized that I wanted to be a better man for him and that because of him I was a better man than I was before I met him, that was when I realized that I loved him.  No flaw that he had, no quirk could ever make me stop loving him and he knows that so he's free to be himself and he's free to love me and because he loves me I'm free to be myself, knowing that no flaw that I have and no quirk could ever make him stop loving me."
     Ton's mouth went dry and he looked helplessly at Tommy, unaware that his emotions showed in every nuance of his face.  That his scent thrummed with the essence of love, desire, possessiveness, care and acceptance, he smelled like a man...in love with his mate.
     "He told me that he loves me," he shared with Vet, his voice a harsh whisper.  He saw the older man nod thoughtfully and wondered what he was thinking.  He didn't have to wait long, fortunately.
     "And did you tell him that you loved him back?" Vet asked and Ton swung wide eyes the other man's way.
     "W-w-what?  Who said I l-l-lo-loved him?" he stuttered out the question and he watched as a huge grin spread across his alpha's face.
     "You did, by your reaction, just now.  People don't realize how telling their reactions are to an important question.  You love your mate but you haven't told him," Vet shook his head in disappointment.  "I suggest you tell him soon, or he's going to start thinking you don't feel that way and then he's going to stop telling you and then one day you'll wake up ready to say it but he won't be there for you to say it to."  With that Vet nodded and then walked off to stand with the other two men.  Ton's eyes followed the other man until he stopped before he felt his eyes turn to look at Tommy.  He saw the smaller man smile and wave at him and with a small smile he waved back.
     Was Vet right?  Did he love Tommy?  And if he did, in fact, love his mate, was he in danger of losing him because he hadn't said the words?
     Knowing that he didn't have the time to really think about that he pushed the issue away mentally into a corner of his mind, locking it in with a padlock and walked over to join his mate and their friends.  He was going to help his mate choose a horse, help him learn to ride, teach him how to shoot a gun, find this Adam Quinn and deal with him and then he'd worry about if he was in love with his mate or not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Tommy watched as Ton made his way over to him, an intense look of confusion and frustration line his face.  He wondered what Vet had said to his mate to make him appear so befuddled.  He opened his mouth to ask as Ton stopped beside him, but found himself smiling in happiness instead when the other man wrapped his arm around him and kissed his temple.  He sighed softly.  His questions could wait.
     "So Tommy, have you decided which mare you want?" Vet asked from where he stood behind Richard, his arms wrapped tightly around the smaller man's waist.
     Tommy looked at the other men in confusion.  Mare?  What the hell was a mare?  "A mare?  What's that?  I thought I was supposed to be picking out a horse.  Like a stallion from the movies," he questioned in confusion.  He scowled when the other three men exploded into laughter, feeling slightly stupid.  He hated feeling stupid.  He hated it even more that his mate was joining in on the amusement at his expense.  Stiffening, he went to move away only to feel Ton swing him around to face him and then putting his hands under his ass, he lifted him up until they were eye to eye.  Tommy wrapped his legs around his cowboy's waist and his arms went around his neck as Ton slowly walked forward to the gate of the corral.
     "Tommy, baby, no one is laughing at you, we're laughing at your words.  At how innocent you seem.  Richard was the same way when we brought him out here to choose a horse.  He said almost exactly the same words.  A mare is a female horse.  They are generally more gentle than stallions.  Stallions are known for being aggressive, domineering creatures-" Ton explained.
     "Like you?" Tommy interrupted cheekily and then giggled when Ton leaned forward and gently nipped at his neck.
     "Yes.  Just like me.  So it's better that you learn how to ride a gentle horse first before we even think about putting you on a stallion," Ton finished explaining and Tommy grinned at him mischievously.
     "Well, I can always learn how to ride, by riding you, you seem like one of the most aggressive and dominant stallions that I know," Tommy teased.  He moaned when Ton leaned forward with a low growl and took his lips in a hard and punishing kiss.  The kiss was all tongue, teeth and lips and it wasn't long before Tommy couldn't hear the neighing of the horses, the yells, shouts and conversations of the men who worked on the ranch and the farm, Richard and Vet faded from view and even the thought that Adam was out of prison and had followed him to Texas couldn't diminish the taste of his mate's mouth.  Nothing could distract him from the feel of his mate's broad shoulders beneath his hands, the feel of his very large jean clad erection rubbing against his own, or the feel of his mate unbuckling his pants and lifting out his cock with one hand while his other went over his hip to squeeze his ass.
     Even though they had both experienced such a powerful orgasm just an hour ago, Tommy felt the flames of another one licking at the base of his spine.  His hands clutched at Ton's back and his head, he thrust down towards Ton's hips, every time the other man thrust up and he whined when he felt one finger of Ton's hand slip into his hungry hole.  At that same moment Ton flicked the slit at the top of Tommy's cock and he felt his orgasm wash over him, tossing back his head he groaned Ton's name loudly, his red Stetson falling off of his head and to the ground.  He felt Ton stiffen moments later and felt the other man groan his name from where his head had fallen forward into his neck.
     Slowly the sounds of the ranch returned to Tommy's buzzing ears and he slowly opened his eyes.  His eyes widened in horror and embarrassment when he saw that no man on the ranch moved.  All of them were staring at him and Ton.  Some with amusement, most with lust burning in their gazes.
     "Ton?  We just got off outside with everyone watching!" he hissed to his mate and he felt his mate grunt against his neck.
     "Let 'em watch then.  Don't bother me none.  They're just jealous and wishing that they had you for their mate, but they don't because you belong to me," Ton growled as he pulled back.  Tommy watched as he lifted his hand that he'd had wrapped around Tommy's cock and licked off all of Tommy's seed.  Tommy groaned and felt his cock trying to stir again.  Once his hand was clean, Ton tucked Tommy's softened cock back into his pants and set his clothes to rights before he lifted the smaller man off of the corral fence and adjusted himself in his pants, a very large wet spot displayed in his jeans.
     "Are you going to go change?" Tommy asked with a quirk of his lips before turning to pick up his fallen hat.
     "Guess I better-" Ton said with a leer on his face, "Wanna come help me?"
     Tommy smiled and nodded, "I'd love to."  He turned to look at Richard and Vet where the two men stood still watching them their own erections pressing against the fly of their jeans.  "We'll be right back, we're going to go home and change Ant's clothes," he said with a grin.  He watched as Richard and Vet smiled back.
     "I think that we should go and change Vet's clothes also.  How about we meet back here in say an hour?" Richard said with chuckle.  Tommy looked up at Ton and watched as his eyes darkened with arousal and another emotion, a deeper emotion the squeezed his heart and caressed his cock back to life.
     "Better make it an hour and a half...maybe two, Ant and I need to take a shower," Tommy said throwing a hint his mate's way.  He saw Ton nod from the corner of his eye and after Richard agreed the two of them set off back to their home, ignoring the applause that they got from everyone else for the "fantastic show."  He'd been telling Richard the truth, they did need a shower and they would take one, but not before they got dirty again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     He watched them from the shadows of the surrounding forest, his eyes narrow, a sneer on his lips.  Thoughts of malice, anger, possession, revenge and jealousy swirled around in his brain.  He tightened his fists and felt his nails dig so far into his palm that droplets of blood began to drip upon the ground.  He'd watched that big ass Neanderthal put his hands and his mouth all over his man and he hadn't liked it one bit.  Tommy belonged to him.  He'd always belonged to him and he always would.  No one else had the right to touch him or to kiss him and especially not to fuck him.  That was his job.
     Adam felt a slow grin of menace spread across his face.  It was time for him to make his move.  He would kill anyone who got in his way.  Tommy belonged to him and he wouldn't stop until he had the man chained up in his basement, screaming for mercy and sobbing with forced release...right where he belonged.

A Peek Inside My Twisted Mind

So when I am writing a book, it's not unusual for that book to spin off and become a series.  I mean, hell, Passion's Hero: The Alpha King was originally supposed to be just one book named "Passion's Hero" but now it's a 5 book series with a spin-off series: Love's Savior that's 15 books.  And yes, every single book already has an outline and a beginning.


So you'd think that'd be enough for me...not even by a little bit.  I get the idea for "Markus Fucking Nelson" which is a contemporary book written in first person.  Then there's the "Sacred Duets" series that I got an idea for, 5 books, paranormal, elves and magics, with the first book having a transgendered main character (yeah, I went there).


Again you'd think that would be enough and my brain would shut off.  No!  I decided I wanted to write some online fiction and so "The Tate Pack" series was born.  Again, it started off as only one story "Unthinkable" but as you can see I'm currently writing "Inconceivable" there are two more stories: "Unassumed" and "Incapable" to come.


Then my brain, my lovely TWISTED mind that apparently loves to torture me and never let up on the ideas gave me seven, yes SEVEN more books.


*Sigh*


So I thought I'd give you all a peek into my twisted mind and post up four of the descriptions for the new books that I'm going to be writing. In my personal descriptions I have more written but I'm just giving you all some teasers (have to keep you interested).  Have fun!  LOL.  You have been warned.

Collegiate Affair:

    Young boy meets older gentleman during the summer at a retreat where he works.  They begin an affair that turns into a relationship that they both want to extend past that summer.  The older gentleman is a professor at a college in the next major city.  The young boy finds out that he will be getting scholarship money so that he can attend college, the one he always wanted to go to, which is the exact same college.  The two of them try to maintain the secrecy of their relationship in the face of university rules and regulations, the young boy's experience as an older freshman student, the older gentleman's desire for stability and long term and the differences in their families, backgrounds, education and expectations....

Love's Enslavement:

     Two young boys, one black and one white grow up together during the time of slavery.  Both of them are gay and fall in love with each other, but it is illegal for them, not only because the black boy is a slave but because homosexuality is a crime.  They both fight in the Civil War and they lose track of each other.  By some miracle they both make it out of the war alive, but the black man loses his arm and goes blind in one eye.  The white boy sees him being dropped off in front of a dilapidated house and takes him in to care for him.  Their roles reverse then and the white man is taking care of the black man....

www.NewChances.com:

     Two men meet online and begin a friendship.  They eventually meet up in person and find that trying to bring their love from online into reality is going to take a lot of hard work and dedication.  Especially since one of the men has children (wife passed away-she knew he was bisexual), and the other man has a high powered job that keeps him on the road all of the time.  They are in love and move in together but there are issues that arise that they were not expecting and have to fight to stay together, especially when someone tries to get the children taken away and tries to get them to break up.  The man with the children has to choose his children of course, because they're young, but where does that leave his new love....

Damien & Roman Forever:

     An established couple: Damien and Roman.  Roman used to be a woman (Rachelle) and has gone through the genital reassignment surgery to become a man.  Damien knows this, he supported him through the whole thing.  Before Roman got the surgery, the two of them did IVF and gave birth to quads.  So they are two men, married, raising children in the "Bible Belt" (Tennessee, Oklahoma or Ohio).  Roman works as a screenwriter and as a m/m romance novelist while Damien is an architect.  Damien is Caucasian, big and muscled, average looking in heights, though he has a gorgeous body.  Roman is African-American, slender, though still muscled, and extremely beautiful.  They met through Damien's brother-in-law, Cody, who married Damien's brother, Kelvin.  Cody is Roman's best friend.  The book is written as if the two men are being interviewed by the reader.  They are asked how they met, how they came out, when they fell in love, about their kids, their lives together, if they've ever had any problems together (Roman will share a story about the two of them being out together and one of the kids crying and throwing a fit and pulling away from him and how one woman called security because she thought that the children had either been kidnapped or that they belonged to Damien.  She is very nasty and spews out hate speech, both about their sexuality and Roman's race.  Roman tells the reader how happy he was to be able to tell her that he used to be a woman and that all four of the children BIOLOGICALLY belonged to him and his husband Damien.), and what their plans are for the future.  They talk about the big argument that led to their separation....

So what do you guys think?  Would you read any of these books?

{HUGZ AND SQUEEZES}

Vee/Vic

Inconceivable: Part Eleven-NSFW

Part Eleven:


     It wasn't the sound of the rooster crowing that woke him up or even the sound of manly shouts as horses were trained and cattle were branded.  The sound of a working farm and dude ranch did not wake him from the deep comatose-like sleep that he'd been in.  What woke Tommy up from the seductive dreams of him in the arms of his mate was the voice of said mate in rumbling through his chest and into his ear.  He could tell by the staccato sounds that Ton was talking in his sleep, but he'd mentioned Tommy's name so he had to listen right?
     "Mine.  My Tommy.  Nngholof.  Mate.  Love..." Ton's deep voice flowed over him and at the last word Tommy felt his heart clench and the breath catch in his throat.  Did Ton say love?  Tommy eased out of Ton's arms, which were wrapped around him firmly, and sat up to look down at his lover.  His eyes closed and he breathed a soft sigh of frustration as he pushed his hands through his unruly curls.  When he'd told Ton that he loved him the night before the other man had kissed him so passionately and then made such tender love to him that he knew what he was trying to say without him actually saying it.  He'd been fine with that but now hearing Ton actually say the word love made him realize that he wanted to hear the cowboy actually admit that he felt that way with his words.
     "Wow Tommy, unsatisfied much?" he muttered to himself before sliding out of bed slowly and walking towards the bathroom.  What was wrong with him?  He'd told himself that there was no way that he'd allow himself to fall in love with the cowboy but after one of the most intense orgasms of his life he'd just blurted it out.  As memories of the night before washed over him, Tommy shivered and felt his cock swell.  He groaned and turned on the hot water in the shower.  With every remembered caress, every remembered kiss, he felt his shaft grow harder and his heart sped up.  Stepping into the flow of hot water, the steam filling the room, he groaned again.  Soaping up his hands with the vanilla and cucumber scented body wash that he'd had specially made, he ran his hands over his torso and thighs, avoiding his leaking cock. Turning to rinse his front, he hissed as his dick made contact with the water and began to wash his back and ass.  As his fingers drifted through his crease he remembered the feel of Ton's tongue playing with his pink hole and his knees weakened.  Closing his eyes he knew that if he didn't come soon that he would be walking around in a perpetual state of arousal and being around a bunch of male wolf shifters, that wasn't such a good idea.
     Pouring the bath wash into his hands, he wrapped one hand around his aching cock and then drifted the fingers of his other hand to the crease of his ass.  He teased his hole with one finger as his hand drifted up his shaft.  He stuck the tip of one finger in his ass as he stroked down his erection.  He pulled his hand up his length as he pulled his finger out of his hole and as he stroked one hand down, he thrust the finger of his other hand in.  His heartbeat sped up and he imagined Ton coming into the bathroom at that moment to see him getting himself off in the shower and he felt his erection grow in his hand.  It wasn't long before he had a rhythm going, his hand stroking and twisting on his cock in symphony with the thrusting of his fingers.  For every introduction of a new finger, he flicked the nail of his finger into the slit at the head of his erection.  Leaning against the tiled wall he felt the tingle at the base of his spine that signaled his impending orgasm.
     He was grunting now, his breath stuttering out of his chest, his eyes squeezed shut, his ass clenching he three fingers that he had thrusting inside of him, fucking himself as his other hand stroked and squeezed and pumped his red cock, the head turning almost purple with the force of his desire.  At long last his mind conjured an image of Ton, canines extended, leaning over him to bite into his neck, marking him again, claiming him once more and with wailing cry and a jerk of his hips, his orgasm swept over him, stealing his breath and knocking the strength from his knees.  He pulled his finger free from his hole and let go of his still spurting erection and caught himself on his hands and knees, the water pounding down on his body as he shook under the force of his orgasm.  His breath was harsh as he attempted to calm himself after the overpowering eruption and he chuckled after a minute.
     "So apparently I've become a masochist or a pain slut if the thought of Ton biting me is what gets me off," he muttered to himself.  He shook his head and leaned over to grab the shampoo from where it rested on the corner of the tub.  Quickly shampooing and conditioning his hair, he rinsed and finally stood and turned off the water.  Squeezing the excess water out of his hair, he was unaware of his mate, a huge grin of satisfaction and pride on his face, wiping the traces of his own orgasm off of his hand and slowly walking back to their bed, unnoticed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Tommy looked at himself in the mirror and smiled.  He may not be able to pull off cowboy, but he could pull off dragboy to perfection.  He walked out of the bathroom and smiled at Ton who sat on the edge of the bed pulling on his boots. Tilting out one hip, Tommy put his hands on his hips and tilted his head to the side, his brand new red Stetson pulled low over one eye, his jeans molded perfectly to his thin frame, his red and brown checkered shirt tied above his belly button, brown boots with a small heel encased his feet and he'd found the greatest belt buckle to put to complete his ensemble...one of a wolf howling at the moon.  He watched as Ton's eyes took in all of this, cataloging how his hair had been pulled back into a low ponytail, his eyes had been lined with a thin brown line, his lashes buffed with mascara and his lips shone with red lipstick.  He'd decided to not put on his bra so his shirt clung to his thin frame and he hadn't tucked so his bulge was displayed prominently.  He knew that he looked good but he was glad when Ton confirmed it, his voice a sexy growl.
     "Goddammit baby.  You're the sexiest fucking cowboy I've ever seen."  Tommy watched as Ton's face roved his body again and felt his cock beginning to stir.
     "Thank you," he whispered.  He swallowed thickly as Ton stood up and prowled towards him.  They were supposed to be meeting Vet and Richard outside by the corrals in five minutes so that Tommy could choose a horse that he could ride, but all thoughts of their previous obligations flew out of his mind as he looked into his mate's hungry gaze.  He wanted Ton to ravish him.  He wanted the big man to rip the clothes from his body and fuck him on the floor until he passed out, just like the night before.
     His breath rasped out of his chest harshly, his eyes becoming heavy lidded as Ton knelt before him.  He looked down at the other man and groaned at the sight there.  Tommy was a dedicated bottom and he knew that when it came to the bedroom he was happily submissive to his larger, more dominant mate, but looking down at his mate, watching as this bigger man, this more powerful man knelt before him, offering him pleasure, made him harder than he'd ever been before.
     Ton unbuckled his belt, unfastened his jeans and had him unzipped and his aching cock pulled out before he could draw his next breath.  He felt his limbs shake as Ton took him in hand and began to lick at the head of his erection as if he were licking a dripping ice cream cone.  Tommy snorted mentally, well his cock was dripping like one, so he guessed the analogy was correct.  His attention focused and his brain melted the moment he felt Ton's lips close over his swollen cock.  He groaned and dropped his hands to Ton's shoulders, gripping them tightly as he felt the wet heat of his mate's mouth surround him.  He felt one of Ton's hands reach around his hip and drift down to his clenching hole while the other hand moved down to grab his balls.  He felt Ton rolling his balls around in his hand at the exact moment that he pierced his clenching hole with one of his thick fingers.  Without thought he thrust into his mate's mouth, feeling the head of his cock slide into the man's throat.
     Twin groans echoed throughout the room and he looked down and saw Ton looking back up at him.  When he saw the small nod and the wink from the bigger man he knew that he'd been given permission to thrust.  So without thought, he began thrusting into Ton's mouth and then back on the two...no the three fingers that were fucking his hole, he felt Ton pull down lightly on his balls before squeezing them in his firm grasp and grunted as he began to fuck his mate's mouth faster.  Ton took it all and Tommy knew that he'd have to ask the man about his non-existent gag reflex.  It was amazing.
     Tommy felt his balls draw up close to his body and he knew that he was about to blow his load.  "A-A-Ant," he panted as his hand moved to the back of the other man's head and he thrust deeper into Ton's throat and further back onto his fingers.  He saw Ton nod and with a delighted cry he shot stream after stream of his seed down the man's throat.  He felt Ton move his head back some to collect the rest of his come in his mouth and once he'd grown soft in the other man's mouth, Tommy felt Ton pull away and hurriedly unbuckle his pants and pull down his boxers until his own cock and balls were free.  Tommy anticipated the moment that Ton shot his load all over him, so he watched in fascination when Ton let the remainder of Tommy's come and his own saliva dribble out of his mouth and onto his own leaking cock.
     He squealed when he felt Ton grab his legs and quickly divest him of his left boot before pulling his left leg free of his jeans.  Ton lifted Tommy's left leg in the air and leaning over placed his cock at the smaller man's tight entrance.  Tommy watched in fascinated anticipation as he felt his mate push into his body.  He felt as the the ridge at the head of Ton's cock grazed his prostate and he groaned as his cock began to stir again.  Ton pulled back out slowly and Tommy groaned again.  Out was so good...so good.  He moaned as Ton pushed back into him and heard as the other man whispered his name.  Ton began thrusting into him, slow and deep, his strokes measured and Tommy moaned as he felt every stroke deep within him, so deep that it felt as if they were touching his heart.  It wasn't long before Ton had put both of Tommy's legs over his shoulders and Tommy yelled as he felt the man move even deeper within him.
     This was how he was going to die.  His mate was going to fuck him to death.  He thrashed on the floor, his head moving from side to side, his hands clutching the carpet, Ton's shoulders, stroking his dick, pulling on his balls, a stream of broken words and profanity vetting forth from his lips.  He could tell that Ton was close as well, the bigger man's rhythm growing frantic and uncoordinated.  A few strokes later, Tommy felt his back arch and his head went back as he screamed out his cowboy's name.  Distantly he heard Ton's voice join his before he collapsed back onto the floor, Ton falling forward on top of him.  Tommy knew that he should feel squished, but he felt safe and comforted...loved.
     That feeling disappeared quickly, however, when he heard clapping and looked up to their bedroom doorway where Richard and Vet stood clapping, wide grins on their faces.
     "Now I see why you both watched us.  That was hot!" Richard said with a grin and Tommy merely groaned in embarrassment.

Inconceivable: Part Ten-NSFW

Part Ten:  



Tommy glanced over at Ton. Why the hell was the man looking at him like he was an alien from another planet? He may be a crossdresser but Ton was the damn wolf shifter! Lifting his eyebrows in confusion, he watched as his mate visibly shook himself out of his mental stupor and then gestured for him to come to his side. Tommy walked over to him and stood in front of the larger man with a look of hesitation.
"We have to figure out what our next plan of action is going to be beautiful," Ton said before leaning over to kiss Tommy's forehead. Tommy moaned and pressed himself closer, for once annoyed by the falsies in his bra that prevented him from feeling his mate's chest pressed against his own.
"We can always just leave and he'll never find us," Tommy murmured into Ton's chest. He heard Richard gasp and he turned to look at his best friend with a lift of his left eyebrow in a silent question.
"So you'd do that? Just tuck tail and run? Let Adam win again? He already had you living in fear in your heavily guarded apartment. He had you breathing scared. Now you're talking about running away again?" Richard shook his head and Tommy didn't know if his best friend was disappointed or disgusted with him, but either way, he felt awful. He wanted to apologize and tell Richard that he didn't mean it. The problem was...he DID mean it. He'd do anything to protect Ton. Even if the other man was almost two or three times bigger than he was in height and weight. Ton was his mate and it was his job, his right, to keep him safe at all cost. Richard was mated himself. He was also desperately in love with his mate Vet. Tommy wasn't quite there yet, he wasn't sure he ever would be. He liked Ton just fine, so it wasn't that. It was just that, he didn't really know the larger wolf all that well and how could you love someone that you didn't even know? Besides, he wasn't some twink from one of those romance novels that he had on his Kindle and Ton wasn't one of those large, dominant wolf shape shifters who sweep their mates off their feet, claim them and then after one really good night in bed they're declaring their love for each other. He liked Ton, he really did, it was just that the last man that he had thought he was in love with had beat him to a bloody pulp. He knew that Ton would cut off his own arm before he would ever lift it in anger to him, but he was still a little gun shy on this second go-round with love.
He was committed to Ton though. Knew that he couldn't live without him, wouldn't be able to function if he wasn't waking up in his big cowboy's arms every morning, even if moments before he'd been thinking about leaving him. That wasn't love though. That gnawing ache in his chest at the thought of never seeing his mate again. The feeling of lightheadedness that he felt whenever Ton smiled at him or kissed him. The fact that all he wanted out of life at this point was for Ton to be happy and safe. The need, the pressing, insistent need to always be with Ton. The clawing hunger for him, his time, his laughter, his body. None of those things meant that he was in love with his mate. They just meant that he'd accepted their mating, right? It wasn't that he did think he could love Ton, he was well aware that he could, but he didn't think that Ton would ever love him back and he had made a promise to himself that he wouldn't be in love alone ever again. So since he knew that Ton didn't love him, then there was no way that he could be in love with the other man, could he? He nodded his head mentally. He wasn't in love with him...was he?


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Hours later everyone had left. Vet had set up guard duty with the members of the pack that lived and worked on the ranch and had sent some pack members out into the town to see if anyone had noticed a stranger lurking around, or if a stranger had been asking any questions. Someone had to have told Adam where Tommy was living at. The Tate Ranch was on the edge of town, on a very large parcel of land that was not easily noticeable from the road. Vet's ancestors had done that on purpose, in order to protect the pack from prying human eyes, so even if Adam had driven up and down the street he wouldn't have been able to find the ranch unless someone had told him exactly where to look. Ton was grateful to his pack and his alpha for doing what they could to protect his mate, but he knew that in the end, the demise of Adam Quinn was going to be his alone.
He sighed as he walked back into the master bedroom, his mind formulating and discarding plans for finding Adam and ending his life of terror and fear in his mate's life. His thoughts jumbled and then cut off completely when he walked into the bedroom fully. Tommy was bent over at the waist, his long black hair falling to the side, his pale skin gleaming, the globes of his ass thrust upwards as he took off his heels and then his jeans. Ton heard his harsh breathing in his own ears and he knew then that no one was going to take his mate from him, because he'd never had such a visceral reaction to anyone before. Without another thought or a word to Tommy, he walked quickly to the smaller man and knelt behind him, his large tanned hands contrasting seductively with the pale white skin of Tommy's ass as he pulled the cheeks apart and first ran his nose up the crease of his mate's ass from the skin behind his balls up to the base of his spine. He growled at the slightly musky smell of his mate. He could still smell himself on the other man and it made his wolf want to howl in triumph and pride that his mate wore his scent and had he not wanted his mate so much, he would done just that, instead he stuck out his tongue and drew it down his mate's crease in the opposite direction that his nose had just taken.
"Oh. Gods," he heard Tommy's shaking voice as his body flushed a beautiful light pink color as arousal rushed through his system. Ton growled low again and with the tip of his tongue tasted the outside of his mate's puckered entrance. Licking from one side of the clenching hole to the fleshy meat of one ass cheek, Ton bit down on his mate's ass lightly. He grinned wolfishly as Tommy's body jerked in pleasure and he squeaked like a mouse before moaning in delight. Tracing his tongue over his mate's entire cheek, he then licked and nibbled his way back to the hole that seemed to be clenching and releasing as if it were trying to speak and beg for something. Deciding to give it what it was so desperately asking for, Ton stuck the tip of his tongue gently inside of the clenching hole, twin groans of pleasure coming from both him and Tommy. Ton felt the ring of Tommy's ass squeeze his tongue as if trying to pull the intruding muscle deep within itself and never let go. Wiggling his tongue, he slowly pulled it out before tracing to the other side of Tommy's ass and repeating the process. He returned his tongue back to his mate's hot, velvet channel and began to simulate with his tongue what his large, aching cock was going to be doing soon. With one hand holding onto Tommy's hip, he moved the other hand up over the smaller man's balls, squeezing them gently, tracing over them with the tip of his fingernail. He distantly heard the sound of Tommy's panting cry for more, for him to do something, for Ton to stop teasing him and fuck him already. If Tommy could still talk then he wasn't doing something right.
Pulling his tongue out of Tommy's ass and giving it one last lick, the taste of his mate embedded on his tongue, one of the best things he'd ever tasted, he turned Tommy to face him. Without a word to Tommy, without looking up, he opened his mouth and swallowed down Tommy's leaking erection. He wanted to grin when he heard Tommy's own distinctly human howl and felt his long, slim fingers clutching the back of his head. Reaching out with both hands, he held on to Tommy's torso and lifted him as he stood, the smaller man's cock still in his mouth.
"OH GOD TON!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-NNNGGGHH!" Tommy yelled and then moaned as he felt himself hoisted in the air. Ton shifted his mate's legs over his shoulders and continued to suck his cock. He felt Tommy grab the back of his head frantically, his hips trying to move desperately, wanting to fuck his mouth and felt the other man's balls begin to draw up towards his body. As much as he wanted the taste of his mate's seed to coat his tongue he wanted to feel him come around his cock. Taking a few steps to the wall next to the tallboy dresser, he pressed Tommy against the wall and released his cock. He heard the smaller man whine and plead for him to make him come and he ignored him as he stuck out his right hand to the top of the dresser to grab the lube that they'd placed there. Looking back at his mate, his eyes dark with passion, a dazed look of arousal stamped on his face, he felt his own whine come up out of his chest. He wish that he could pound into the man without any preparation, but he knew that wasn't possible. Pressing his head against Tommy's stomach, licking the abs that were displayed prominently there, he opened the bottle of lube and poured some over his fingers. Rubbing the cool liquid between his fingers to warm it up, he placed one finger at the entrance to his mate's channel and tapped the clenching hole for a moment, listening to the other man moan, feeling him shift. Without another thought he sucked in Tommy's cock as he rubbed one finger around the other man's hole before pushing it in.
His tongue swirled around his mate's cock which was now leaking copious amounts of pre-cum, he lowered his head to the base of Tommy's cock and sucked hard, his cheeks hollowing as he came back up, at the same time he pushed in two fingers. He felt Tommy's clenching hole slowly relax even as the slit at the head of his cock released even more salty sweet liquid. His mate's seed always tasted a lot sweeter than any other man's that he'd tasted. He wondered why that was. Hearing Tommy whine even more, he knew he needed to return his full attention back to what he was doing. Pressing in three fingers he began to thrust his digits within his mate's ass faster and harder, the sound of his palm slapping up against the skin of Tommy's balls turning him on even more. He felt his cock leaking pre-cum onto the carpet and knew that if he didn't get inside of his mate soon he was going to to come all over the wall.
Pulling his mouth off of his mate's erection he looked up at the other man. "I can't wait any longer baby," he rasped out as he poured copious amounts of lube over his throbbing cock. He saw Tommy nod, his hands caressing his head and jaw as he was slowly lowered down the wall. Ton felt his heart clench in his chest at his mate's tender touch and swallowed thickly against the emotion rising in his throat. With his cock pressing against the loosened entrance of his mate's ass, he slowly pressed inside. When the head of his cock rested within the other man's ass, he paused and groaned, leaning his head forward and resting it on the wall beside Tommy's head waiting for the other man's muscles to relax. He slowly pressed deeper and deeper inside until he bottomed out, his groin pressed against the delicious globes of his mate's ass. When he felt Tommy's lips on his temple he pulled out slowly before thrusting back in. He heard his mate's gasp and repeated the movement, his hands gripping the smaller man's waist, leaving bruises in his tight grip.
"F-f-fuuuucccckkk," Tommy moaned out and then Ton knew he was ready. Spreading his legs and planting his feet he began to thrust up into his mate deeper and harder with each thrust until he was pounding into the other man's ass. Neither one of them could speak. All coherent thought, all language, all words flowing from their ears, their brains melted under the onslaught of their passion, the heat that blazed out of control as they kissed, their tongues twisting and battling for control in each of their mouths. He felt Tommy's arms wrap around his shoulders as tightly as his legs were wrapped around his hips and he thrust deeper, shifting the angle of his thrust until he felt the ridge at the head of his dick graze the bundle of nerves in Tommy's ass.
"OH GODS!" he heard Tommy scream as he pegged his prostate again and again. His thrusts on point and causing a cacophony of sounds to burst forth from his mate's lips. Nothing coherent came out of his mouth, he babbled a stream of pleas, demands, moans, groans, sobs and cries of Ton's names and Ton felt himself swell even bigger within his mate's ass at the knowledge that his mate was so turned on that he was being fucked stupid. No sooner had that thought come to his mind, the pride swelling in his chest than that pride shifted and became a blazing inferno of want, of need and desire, a yearning for something, something more. There was something that he needed. He was on the cusp of the greatest orgasm he'd ever had and he knew that Tommy was as well, both of them hanging on by a thread but neither of them falling over. He felt his canines lengthen and knew that he had to bite his mate again, had to claim him once more.
So, without another thought he lowered his mouth to his mate's neck and licked the mating mark that could still be seen there. He felt Tommy shiver and then growled as he saw his mate tilt his head to the side, baring his neck in a sign of submission. With a loud, audible, animalistic snarl and growl he struck and sank his teeth into his mate's neck, right over the mating mark that was already there. As his mate's sweet blood washed over his tongue, Ton jerked his hips as if struck by lightning. The ground shook, winds blew, he felt his heart stop in his chest as his world was flipped on its axis. He could taste his mate's rapture, his bliss at being joined in that way with him. He could taste Tommy's desire, his own blazing orgasm as he too was pushed over the edge, pulled under by the power of their mating, but there was something else there, a deeper, more powerful emotion, one that wrapped around his heart and squeezed it. An emotion that warmed him from the inside out but also zipped through his entire being until he withdrew his teeth, licked the wound closed and with one final thrust thew himself into the wind of their joining. He howled Tommy's name, his head thrown back, his eyes squeezed shut tightly, his hips losing their rhythm as he continued to thrust through his orgasm until he felt Tommy come apart in his arms again, with him following him into a second orgasm, no less intense, though his seed only dribbled out of the top of his still hard cock.
His legs shook from the force of his orgasm. His knees buckled and he barely had the presence of mind to lower himself first to his knees, still pressed within his lover, before he tilted to the side, Tommy's arms and legs still clutching him desperately, his cock still deep within the smaller man. They panted, gasping for breath as their hearts beat out a staccato rhythm before beginning to slow down. Ton felt the flush of desire and arousal slowly leave his body and that of his mate's as he felt his cock soften within the other man's ass before slowly sliding out. So relaxed and exhausted was Tommy that with a small burst of air, he expelled the evidence of Ton's completion, the white fluid leaking from his hole to stain the blue carpet. Ton felt Tommy's seed cooling on his stomach and chest and the bottom of his chin where it had splattered as the other man found his release and he looked over at Tommy and saw that he too was covered in his own spunk, some of it had even gotten into his hair. Rolling over towards his mate, he began to clean him with his tongue, swiping up the vestiges of the other man's ejaculate. He swallowed some, moaning at the taste of his mate's seed, it's flavor like ambrosia to his senses. He licked up the rest and then leaning over his almost comatose man he kissed him deeply sharing Tommy's seed between the two of them.
When the need for air overwhelmed them both, Ton pulled away and stared down at his mate. Tommy was so beautiful to him, his black hair was mussed, spread out underneath him on the floor, his lips red and swollen from his kisses and from the smaller man biting them to contain his expressions of pleasure, his body still flushed from their shared desire. His pale, thin cock resting limply on his stomach, his legs spread open, his ass leaking Ton's seed. He looked thoroughly debauched and seduced. He looked gorgeous. Ton felt that feeling grip his chest again and wondered at it. Was he having a heart attack? Shifters didn't usually suffer from such a human disorder, but that wasn't to say that he wouldn't be the first. Blinking his eyes rapidly at the burn at the back of them, he felt his throat close up with emotion as he thought about leaving his mate. He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't leave him. Looking back down at his mate, he saw the softest, sweetest, most tender expression on the other man's face and felt his own face soften into the same expression. Tommy lifted his hand and rested it upon his cheek and he nuzzled into it before looking the other man in the eye.
"I love you," he heard Tommy whisper and without another word being spoken between them, Ton lifted the man into his arms and kissed him with all of the emotion inside of him that he was still to afraid of to name, but ones that he knew his mate understood and knew of anyway.

Inconceivable: Part Nine

Part Nine:


     Tommy swallowed thickly and tried to push back the fear clawing at his throat as he stood shakily to his feet and muttered something unintelligble to the room before rushing towards the bedroom where he grabbed his bag and began to stuff his clothes and belongings inside of it.  He felt more than heard Ton follow him into the room.  He ignored him and continued to grab clothes and shoes, undergarments and only stopped when Ton grabbed his arms and held him tightly against him.  It was only then that he realized that he was shaking.
     "Ssshhh.  It's okay beautiful.  Don't you know by now that I'm not going to let anything happen to you?  Don't you remember what happened to the last men that attacked you?" Ton whispered reassuringly into his ear.  Tommy nodded as he remembered his attack and the news reports that came in shortly after about the "wolf" attack on the men who had done it.  He knew that Ton would do everything that he could to protect him and although his mate was huge and a wolf shifter to boot, he wasn't Adam Quinn.  Adam Quinn was ruthless, cold-hearted, and he had connections...seedy, underhanded, illegal connections, as well as respectable, wealthy, high society ones.  The fact that he'd been arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced was largely in part because of the overwhelming evidence, photos, videotapes, audio recordings, threatening emails and text messages that proved that Adam had been ruthlessly and senselessly beating Tommy for a while.  If they hadn't had those key pieces of evidence Adam would never have seen a courtroom.  So it didn't make sense that the man could be out of jail.  That he could have found him.  That he was still threatening his life.
     Tommy pressed his body close to Ton's and took a shuddering breath, "I don't want anything to happen to you," he whispered into the bigger man's chest.  He felt Ton stiffen slightly and pull back a little to look down at him.
     "You were trying to run to protect me?" he asked incredulously.  Confused by the disbelief in his mate's tone Tommy merely nodded his head.  Had he broken some sacred wolf shifter mate code or something?  Was he not supposed to try and protect his mate?  Was he supposed to simply let Ton take care of him but never reciprocate?  Tommy snorted mentally.  That would never happen.  If Ton insisted on taking care of him and protecting him then he would just have to get used to the fact that Tommy would be doing the same thing for him.
     "I can't remember the last time that someone tried to protect me," he heard Ton whisper in shock and he felt his body fill with warmth at the underlying sound of awe that tinged his mate's words.
     "Well, get used to it.  I may be small and like to dress up in drag, but I am all man under here and I protect what's mine," Tommy said fiercely, wrapping his arms around Ton's waist and placing a kiss on the cowboy's chest.  He felt Ton's chuckle rumble through his chest and sighed contentedly.  He was still afraid for Ton, and for everyone else on the ranch, Adam could be vicious when provoked.  He didn't want to put anyone in danger but it seemed as if his mate was refusing to let him leave and to be quite honest, he didn't really want to go anywhere anyway.  He had never felt safer than he did at that moment with Ton's arms wrapped around him tightly, their hearts beating in sync with each other.  He wished the rest of the world would just fade away, but he was aware that that was impossible.  Life continued, regardless of the tender moment that he was sharing with his mate, the world kept spinning, and their guests were still sitting in the dining room, probably wondering what was going on...THEIR GUESTS!
     Tommy stiffened and then stepped out of Ton's arms with a gasp.  Ignoring the other man's look of confusion, he hurried into the bathroom and gave a small cry of dismay at his appearance.  His hair and makeup were smudged.  Shooing Ton out of the bathroom he set about the task of fixing his appearance before returning to the dining room table and the people who waited there.

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     Ton grunted when the bathroom door shut in his face and turned to head back into the dining room, barely sparing a glance at his mate's hastily packed bag knowing that the smaller man wasn't going anywhere without him tagging along.  Stepping back into the dining room he was happy to see that no one had left.  He was coming to realize that the number of people who cared about him was a lot bigger than just his sister Luci.  He hand friends, their mates, their families and now...he had his own mate.  A little spitfire who had been willing to leave him, just to keep him safe, even though Ton was so much bigger than him.  It was almost as if Tommy didn't see his size.  It was a little bit of a relief, especially when that seemed to be all that others could see.
     "How is he?" he heard Richard ask and he nodded with a small quirk of his lips.  He had never been happier than the day he'd gone to pick up the alpha mate's best friend and smelled his mate among the crowd.  When he saw the beautiful little man sashaying his way he had struggled to remember that his mate was there when all he wanted to do at that point was to lift Tommy into his arms and fuck him against the nearest wall.  He'd been the happiest cowboy around when he'd discovered that the beautiful little man and his mate were one and the same.  He had been waiting for his mate his entire life and he'd be damned if he was going to let some punk ass come and threaten the man that he loved.
     Ton pulled up short, his head tilting to the side and his eyebrows flew into his hairline.  Loved?  Did he just say love?  He didn't love Tommy.  He couldn't love Tommy, it was too soon.  Regardless of what those romance novels that his sister read and he, you know, glanced at occasionally said, mates did not fall in love instantly.  The possessiveness, the protectiveness was there, the connection was deep and long lasting, but love?  Love was not an automatic thing.  He shook himself out of his mental stupor.  He couldn't love Tommy, it was way too soon.  He'd obviously just thought that because of the fact that his mate's life was in danger, yeah, that was it.  The danger to his mate made his wolf snarl and growl and struggle to get out, while making his human self, emotional and mushy.  Just like he was some goddamn chick in one of those sappy romance novels.  Next someone would ask him what was wrong and he'd answer and say something stupid and Tommy would be standing right there, they would argue and Tommy would leave then Adam would kidnap him and he would spend the next...oh fifty pages or so, trying to get him back, when he would then admit his love for the smaller man, Tommy would say it back and the book would end with them having sex in some impossible way, with a lot of moaning, groaning and trite dialogue.  Life did not imitate art.
     "Hey man, what's wrong?" he heard Ross ask him and before he could open his mouth and say something incredibly stupid like, "Oh you know, my mate, you know the cross-dressing human?  Has got someone trying to kill him and I think I may be feeling something for him, but that's not possible, because he's a human and I'm a wolf.  He may be my mate, but he'll never be my lover," he smelled his mate return to the room.  Turning towards him, he felt his mouth drop open in amazement and his breath catch in his chest.
     Tommy had changed into a pair of tight jeans with a red cotton shirt that hung off one shoulder, the sleeves coming ending right at his wrists.  He had pulled his hair up into a ponytail at the top of his head, He had replaced his makeup, his lips were a soft shade of red, looking plump and wet, and he was wearing a pair of red pumps.  He looked breathtaking and Ton felt his wolf growling inside of him, wanting to claim his mate, on the table in front of everyone.  More than that, however, he wanted to fall to his knees before the other man and wrap his arms around him and beg him to never leave him or let him go.
     With that thought in his head, the truth smacked him like a two by four.  He was a character from a fucking romance novel because he realized at that moment that he loved his mate.  Hopelessly, fiercely and forever.
     Shit.