Vivianna Week, The Finale: Introducing Vivianna to Her Family

I totally felt like I should have fireworks and presents and stuffed animals sent to every single person who wrote a post or commented for the last day of Vivianna Week. Or you know, have some clowns or something (Lor). But then I realized that the best way for me to finish out my memorial and tribute to my daughter is to do the one thing that I couldn't do right after I lost her.

Dear Vivianna,

I miss you.

There is a part of me, a very big part, that is so angry that you were taken away from me.

There is a part of me that still cries at the fact that you're not here, that I'm not taking care of you.

I think about the times that we will never have with each other and it makes me so sad.

I think about the people that I will never get a chance to introduce you too and I feel like crying.

Like this new family that I have, one that is loving and accepting. One that makes mistakes but then actually apologizes for them. They're a great bunch of people and I know they would have loved you.

You have an amazing grandfather, Aleks, who I know would have doted on you, as grandparents do. You would have been one of the smartest, most eloquent, most courageous little girls on the planet because he would have made sure that you knew how smart you were and he would have made sure that you knew that you could stand up for yourself because there are people who will stand up and support you.

You have two amazing grandmothers, Stephani and NJ, who I know would have spoiled you. You would always know that you were loved with them and they would have made sure that you were the prettiest, most well dressed little girl on the block. No one would have been able to tell you that you were ugly or that no one loved you, because with your two grandmothers, you would have known that it wasn't true.

You have an amazing older sister, Catrina, who I know would have loved you immensely. She would have made sure that you respected your elders, that you appreciated art and education, that you learned from the mistakes of others. She would make sure that you lived your truth and that you always knew that you were supported and loved. She would have made sure that you had fun, that you read, that you played sports and that you never followed anyone blindly, but that whoever you followed and whoever you put your faith in, that you had a good reason for doing so.

You have an amazing uncle, Damon. He's hilarious. Much like Justin, he would make sure that you appreciated good theater, you would be charismatic, full of life, full of passion and energy. He would make sure that you never took life too seriously, but that you always made sure to take care of yourself. The greatest thing about your uncle Damon, Vivianna, is the fact that in every humorous exchange with him, there's that kernel of unyielding truth there. You would always walk away smarter and happier.

You have the world's greatest aunts. Cherie, MJ, Heidi, Piper, Taylor, Xara, Katharina, Lucy/Kat, LC and Keesha. They would all make sure that you knew how powerful you are as a woman. They would teach you about standing up for yourself. About honor, integrity, truth. With your aunts I would never have had to worry about you being taken advantage of, because they would make sure that you knew your strengths, they would make sure that you knew how talented you were and that you never let anyone take you for granted. They would spoil you, yes, but they would never let you get too spoiled or bratty. They would make sure that you towed the line and were respectful of your elders, of others around you, and of yourself, because that's how they live their lives. They would make sure that you appreciated history, culture, that you acknowledged a higher power. You would be a force to be reckoned with and your aunts would always make sure you knew how special you were, how talented, how amazing (because they remind me all the time).

You also have three other uncles, Thorny (his husband Jazz would have loved you), Matty, and Brad. My darling girl, they would make sure that you didn't focus on the negative. That you always saw the sunshine and appreciated the roses. That you laughed. That you sought help when you needed it and gave help when it was needed. They would have loved you so hard and so fiercely. You would know that you could do anything that you set your mind to do and that as long as you have a family that supports you, nothing can stand in your way. They would always be concerned for you and would always make sure to put a smile on your face, even if it's just by being enthusiastic about a cover that you did (Matty and Brad).

You also have the world's most amazing great-aunts. Poppy, Embry, mc and Anne. They would love you hard and always encourage you. They would make sure to always acknowledge you when you spoke, they would support you, no matter what you tried to do, as long as it didn't hurt you or someone else. They would be concerned about your well-being. Make you laugh, laugh at your jokes, and make sure that they did all that they could to make you comfortable with being you. They would be in your corner, Vivianna, as long as it was a corner of your choosing.

You have the world's coolest cousins. They would have kept you on your toes, kept you in shape and made sure that you appreciated the Earth, the animals, the plants, that you would treat it well and that you would never take it for granted. The Nieceling probably would have tried to make you turn you into a vegetarian, but we wouldn't have let that happen unless you wanted it to. You would have a love for good games and good television and you wouldn't have been a Belieber (which makes your Daddy very happy).

And those who fill in the gaps of our family, Vivianna, they would make sure that your world and your life was complete. Lor, Aija, Sammy, Patty, Adara, Cleon, John, Thomas, Crystal, Kathryn, Maria, Amy, Kris, Sarah, CJ, Angel, Richard, Ryan, James, Mary, Gabrielle, TA, and Daniel. You would never want for humor, for support, for comfort, for wisdom, for unbelievable expression, for encouragement, for someone to be on your side, for someone to keep you moving forward, for love.

These are the people that make up our family, our world, my baby. These are the people that I wish that you could have gotten the chance to meet. Not to mention the countless others who weave in and out of my life to help me to grow and to better myself, you would have benefited from meeting them. And the ones who were here and have gone on before: your father Christopher, Justin, Valerie, Tabitha, Granny Mary, Mores, William Neale. Some amazing people to help shape you, to help you shine just a little bit brighter than you already do.

The things in this world that you never got a chance to experience are nothing compared to the people that you never got a chance to meet. How I wish that you could have gotten a chance to meet them. I know that you have, in a way only known to YHVH, met and seen them all and that you know all of these things, but not only do I wish that you would have had the chance to meet them, but I wish that they had had the chance to meet you. I am so sure that you would have been amazing, my darling. You would have changed the world. You would have discovered a cure, or brought peace, or made an amazing discovery, or created amazing music, or written the Great American novel, but whatever you did, you would have been amazing at it.

So I miss you my daughter, and I love you so much. I hope you've appreciated the memorial that I've given you over the last two weeks and that, in some way, you've grown to love these people, just as much as I know they would have loved you.



Love Always,

Daddy Vic

Thorny

I have talked to Thorny. He is fine. Alive and well and he thanks you all for your concern and continued support. 


I will take any comments of support and encouragement and share them with him, but anything outside of said support and encouragement  keep to yourself, please.  


Follow the Golden Rule, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Or if you can't manage that, at least keep your ugliness to yourself.   And since no one is perfect no one should be judging anyone, cause trust me, if folks start flinging rocks around, everybody's house has at least an little glass in it, and the rocks really don't give a rip whose glass they are breaking.  That's all I have to say about that.  Have a good day all!





Sincerely,

Vic/V. Vee 

Something You'd Never Know

I met this guy online once when I was 19.  We'd been chatting and hell, I thought he was a good guy.  He was sweet, his picture was hot, and we'd been chatting for months before I agreed to meet him....at my house.

I know what you're thinking: "Vic!  NO!!!"  Alas, yes, I did.

This is something that I know is a big no-no now of course but at 19, I was still full of sunshine, daisies and still trying desperately to be a "girl".

So he came over (and I'll never forget his name-Gordon) and before he got there I wisely hid knives underneath all of the cushions in the living room.  Why?  Well, in case he tried to rape me or kill me of course!!!

When he got there I noticed a few things almost immediately.  He was about a whole foot shorter than he appeared in his picture and about twenty years older.  I didn't let that stop me, he'd driven all the way to my house from Orlando.  That's almost an hour.  So I invited him in and we talked.  Slowly I became more and more comfortable, until I finally admitted that I'd hid the knives and then retrieved them all and put them away.

Big mistake.

I returned to the living room and, I kid you not, he attacked me within seconds of me walking back into the room and raped me.  On my mother's gold couch.

It was violent and vicious and I bled all over my mother's couch.  It wasn't the first time I'd been raped, and unfortunately, it wasn't the last time either, but it was the one that I learned the most from.  I learned a lot about that little voice of instinct and hesitation.  As I lay on my mother's couch, shivering and bleeding, watching as he walked to the bathroom and cleaned up, wiping the blood and semen from his groin and chest, I felt such hatred fill me, but I felt a wisdom infuse my body as well.

You see, I realized then that I gave people the power that they exhibited in my life.  I gave them the power to hurt me, the power to heal me, the power to help me, to support and encourage me.

This is something you'd never know about me.  The fact that I'd been raped, that I'd been so stupid to put myself into that situation.  It's not something that I'd planned on sharing.  I was going to share Friday of GRL with you all today, but I had a friend ask me to write a blog post about online relationships and it made me think of this incident, because this is not what I'm going to share with her.

I didn't let that horrible incident or any of the others I had (and I've had LOTS let me tell you!) stop me from forging relationships, stop me from believing in the basic goodness and kindness and decency that everyone has within them.  I would have missed out on so many wonderful relationships if I would have looked at everyone as being a liar, everyone as being a fake, everyone as being a figment of someone's imagination.  I've experienced all that.  I've sent $800 to someone who said that they were about to be homeless or had cancer only to find out that it was a fake.  It didn't stop me from doing it again.  I've met guys who lied about what they looked like.  I've found out that the person I was talking to, wasn't who they said they were, or were in fact characters from a book (imagine my shock to pick up a book and see our conversation within the pages of that book), but NONE of that has ever stopped me from treating the next person as a completely unique individual, because they are.

Not everyone in this world is out to deceive me, to hurt me, to rape me, to attack me, to extort money from me, to lie to me, to use and abuse me.  And I can't look at everyone as if they are.  It makes for paranoia and fear and misery and I don't like to be paranoid, scared or miserable.  I'm not pleasant that way.

So as I prepare to write this blog post about the wonderful people that I've met online.  The ones who befriended me and supported me, the ones who saved my life...twice, the ones who encouraged me and pushed me to become a better me, to live my truth, those are the ones that I'll be writing about.  I'll talk about the things I learned not to do, but more than anything I'll emphasize trust and the bigger picture and I'll definitely talk about hypocrisy, because I'd never ask them to give me something that I'm not willing to give myself.  For every picture requested, there's a picture sent.  For every text message asked for, there's a text message given.  And for every proof of identity that I need, I given one in return.

Because I can't sit around on my high horse judging others for their online personifications when I've spent years pretending to be something that I'm not and I can't begrudge someone for wanting to keep something private when I know that I'm doing the same thing.

So that's something you'd never know about me unless I shared it and I hope as you all go throughout your day (many of you have sent me emails or comments regarding Thorny-I encouraged him to close his blog and his GR account-but thank you for being concerned for me-LOL) to remember that just like you don't see every black person as being a drug dealer or a drug addict or a gang banger or as being on welfare, just as you don't see every Hispanic as being a drug dealer or an illegal or illiterate or only speaking Spanish, just as you don't see every white person as being racist or thinking that they're superior or being rich and snooty, etc.  you shouldn't see every online person as being out to hurt, manipulate, deceive, extort or rape you.

Sometimes you have to have blind faith, sometimes you have to believe even when evidence points to the contrary.  Do you know how many men and women have been incarcerated and executed based on evidence only for it to be discovered later on that they were innocent?  A good lawyer can get someone off with all the evidence piled against them, just as a good lawyer can get someone found guilty with no evidence at all.

Be cautious, but still believe.  You never know what you're missing out on when you're suspicious of everyone.