Jack Fights For Me

I might just be falling for Jack (gasp, shudder in fear).  This morning I made him breakfast before he went off to work and he was helping me fill out this paperwork that I got from my doctor that I have to fill out for the military  letting them know that I'll be having the gender reassignment surgery and why, blah, blah, blah.  So it got to gender and as I've been struggling with for the last couple of months I had no idea of how to answer it, so we left it blank.  Then under sexuality they have "straight, gay, bisexual, trangender m to f, transgender f to m."  Now, first of all I'm glad that this isn't military documentation because there would be no "sexuality" on there.  So I'm flipping waffles and I hear Jack growl and toss the pen down when we get to that question and I think "Oh shit, he's finally snapped, he finally realizes that he's not fully dating a man yet."

So I turn around kind of slow and I look at him and he's not glaring at me, he's glaring at the paper and then he looks up at me.

Jack: They're so stupid.
Me: Who?
Jack: These fucking doctors.  Don't they know that being transgender is not your sexuality?
Me: Huh?  Yes it is.
Jack: No!  Being transgender is your GENDER.  Your GENDER is wrong, you should have been born Victor, a male, not Veronica, a female.  That's your gender.  Your sexuality is gay.
Me: Oh...yeah.  I guess you're right.
Jack: It's like that's another way to not really identify that transgenders are having a GENDER identity issue, not a SEXUALITY identity issue.  You just told me yesterday that you were a bigender homosexual or transgender homosexual whatever you said.
Me: I said I was a gay bigender (sniffle)
Jack: Exactly.  This is bullshit.
Me: Thank you. (sniffle)
Jack: For what?
Me: For getting so upset on my behalf.
Jack: I'm going to do more than that.  I'm writing these people to tell them that they need to change this fucking shit.

At which point I turned off the waffle maker and sort of hopped into his arms.  We made an even bigger mess in the kitchen on our way back to the bedroom (*naughty grin*), but I couldn't really put into words (I know, me the author) how much it touched me to have someone fight for me.  I can't remember the last time that someone did.  I fight for others, I was a soldier in the US Army, it's something that has been a part of me since birth.  I'm a defender, a protector of others, a warrior.  Oftentimes no one pays attention to the fact that the warrior needs someone willing to fight for them as well.  It's not that we don't need protection it's just that no one really think we do.  So to have Jack realize and point out something that I hadn't even realized and then to have him fight for me or stand up for me in that way?  It made something inside of me clench and release.  I told him he was my hero, he just laughed and said it was what I did for others on a daily basis.

BTW, Jack was late to work today.  LOL.  What can I say, I cannot keep my hands off that man, even after the spanking I had to give him last night.

Inconceivable: Part Eight

Part Eight:


     Tommy placed the plate of chicken on the table and stepped back to look at what he'd prepared with a smile.  He really did love cooking, he hadn't lied when he'd told Ton that.  He hadn't lied to Ton about anything, yet.  He just hadn't told him everything about his life before the big man had entered it.  Pushing down the feeling of guilt that threatened to choke him, he turned and walked into the bedroom that he shared with his new mate.  The walls were still white but he'd made Ton stop at a few stores on their way home, so their king sized bed was covered in a dark blue and brown bedspread with sheets, a bed skirt, the works.  Stepping around the bags of bedroom decor, his suitcases that hadn't been unpacked and the shoes and hats, sunglasses and jewelry that all needed to be put away, he stepped into the bathroom and gasped when he saw his image in the mirror.
     "And that' how you know that you have to be his mate, because why else would he find you attractive looking like this?" he admonished his mirror image, shaking his head before picking up his brush and methodically brushing the thick, luxurious black curls until they gleamed.  He picked up his makeup bag and opened it the top before spreading the compartments wide to allow him to see everything inside.  Biting his lower lip, he looked at himself in the mirror again before turning away and stepping back into the bedroom.  Walking over to his suitcase that sat opened on the bed, filled with his "casual" outfits, he pulled out a pair of black shorts that clung to his shapely ass and distracted attention from his cock.  Sifting through the garments on the other side of the suitcase he found the purple blouse he'd been looking for.  It only had one button, right at the point where his bra would be, the fabric was a very soft cotton, the sleeves were narrow and while they didn't cling to his arms, they did show their impression.  Laying both items over one arm, he turned and walked to his black silk Gucci bag that sat in the corner and picked it up to carry with him into the bathroom.
     Once there, he pulled off the clothes that he wore and opened the bag he'd brought with him.  Reaching down into the bag his hands searched and he smiled when he pulled out a pair of black silk thong panties and a black bra.  He pulled on the thong and fastened the front closure bra, before pulling up the straps.  Reaching further into the bag he found the box that held his bra inserts and he placed them in their proper places.  Looking down at his now enhanced chest, he pulled on his shorts and adjusted his silk encased cock behind the zipper to diminish its appearance.  Some people thought that he wore women's clothes because he hated his cock and wanted to be a woman.  That wasn't it at all.  He loved his cock. Hell, before Ton, he played with it more than anyone else did.  He just liked wearing women's clothing.  He liked putting on makeup and lingerie and putting on a bra.  The inserts were just to emphasize everything and sometimes he tucked so as to not detract from the skirt or the dress he was wearing, but he was a proud gay man...he was just a proud gay man who liked to wear women's clothing.  He didn't see what the big damn deal was or why people seemed to make such a big deal about it, it was his body and his mate didn't seem to mind it.  They could just fuck off for all he cared.
     Shrugging off the negative thoughts, he put on some deodorant before spraying himself with a light cologne fragrance that he'd created, and then pulled on his shirt.  Buttoning the one button and smoothing down the fabric of the shirt he turned back to the mirror and smiled at himself.  Now he knew what look he was going to go for.
     Not that it's going to matter.  It doesn't matter how much makeup you put on, how many times you put on women's clothing.  It won't change anything.  You won't ever be able to hide from me.  I will always find you and you will always be a freak, my freak and don't you forget that Thomas.  His ex-partner's voice rang in his head.  They were the last words that Adam had said to him before he'd been dragged out of the courtroom by the police officers to serve his twenty years for the abuse, rape, assault and battery, resisting arrest, threatening, witness tampering, selling and use of an illegal substance and kidnapping of Tommy that he'd been charged for.  Adam had been scary before that day.  Possessive, protective, loyal, fiercely jealous, intimidating...those were traits that had attracted Tommy to Adam at the beginning but when that morphed into Adam being controlling, angry, malicious, violent, hurtful and meant that he flew off into murderous rages where he would attack Tommy?  That's when Tommy had left...the first time.  Adam had apologized and said it would never happen again.
     He lied.  If anything Adam got worse as time progressed until Tommy had been a broken, bruised, frightened caged bird who had gone to the police, gone for help the minute that Adam had left to visit some college friends of his.  The police had laughed at him at first, none of them believing that a man could be abused by another man, but when they began to look into the evidence, they'd been overwhelmed by the number of neighbors that had come forward, by the sheer volume of text messages, phone calls, and pictures of him bruised and bloodied.  Adam had gotten twenty years for everything, especially since when he'd been let out on bail, he'd kidnapped Tommy and tried to hid him away until the trial was over.  They had been spotted by a cop, however, and that helped to solidify his conviction.  Tommy was glad when Adam had been taken to that back room to be sent to prison, but the words that the man had said to him in a very calm and monotone voice had given him the chills and stayed with him, even three years later.
     Tommy blinked and looked at himself in the mirror, before his lips stretched wide into a happy grin.  He had put on his makeup flawlessly even though his mind had been years into the past.  With a final brush to his eyelashes with his mascara and a last pucker of his dark pink lips, he put all of his makeup away and closed the bag.  Cleaning up his mess as he walked back into the bedroom he heard the front door open and then close long moments later.
     "Baby?  Where are you?  The food looks great are you ready to eat?" he heard Ton's deep voice wash over him and he groaned silently as he felt himself growing aroused and shivered as he remembered the feel of his mate's big cock slamming into his tight ass.  Taking a deep breath, he exhaled before he answered.
     "I was just changing sweetheart, I'll be right out."
     He heard voices and wondered who his mate had invited over, glad that he'd always made more than what was needed whenever he cooked.  Quickly tidying the room, he smoothed his hands over his hair once more, before putting on his pair of diamond stud earrings and the purple bracelet set that Richard had bought for him the year before.  Stepping out of the bedroom he closed the door behind him and walked towards the dining room.  He smiled when he saw who sat at the table with his mate: Vet, Richard, Luci, Ross, that he'd met in passing as they'd been moving in all of his stuff the day before, Howell, the only black cowboy that Tommy had ever met that had long, black dreadlocks that hung down to below his shoulders, and three other people at the table that Tommy didn't know, one man and two women...no two men and one woman.  One of the men was sitting next to Ross, the two of them clutching hands, while the other man...woman?  The other person sat on Howell's lap, the large black man leaning forward continuously to sniff at his neck and kiss the mating mark on his neck.  He guessed that they were newly mated.  The other woman sat next to Luci and the two women smiled continuously at each other.  Tommy stepped forward and smiled happily when Ton jumped up from his seat and raced around the table to stand next to him.
     "Everyone, this is my mate, Tommy.  Most of you know him, but let me introduce the rest of you," Ton said, his hands moving in sign language to one of the people at the table and Tommy felt his jaw drop at the realization that his mate knew sign language and that someone at the table was deaf.
     "Tommy, of course I don't have to introduce you to Richard or Vet.  Not sure if you remember Ross from yesterday?  The man he's making googly eyes with is his mate, Alex, my old boyfriend actually," Ton grinned and Tommy was pleased that there didn't seem to be any bitterness in his voice when he gave the introduction.  He turned his head to look at Alex and smiled.  Alex was a blonde main, whose hair was extremely wavy and fell to his shoulders, he had hazel eyes and he had a surfer's body.  Alex smiled back at him before turning back to kiss Ross who had leaned forward to kiss his shoulder.  Tommy knew then that Alex would not be competition for him at all for Ton's affections and he felt himself relax even more.  "You remember Howell right?" Ton asked him and Tommy smiled and nodded at the big black man who nodded his head in greeting before doing something underneath the table that caused the smaller man...woman to giggle.  "The giggly little man on his lap is Michael.  He's one of the wolves that just recently joined the pack because his pack kicked him out for not only being gay and deaf, but he's transgender.  Male to female, he just didn't get the full procedure done," Ton stated with no hesitation and Tommy gasped and how nonchalantly the big Texan divulged the life story of this complete stranger.
     "Don't worry baby, he told me I could tell you," Ton assured his mate.  Tommy nodded and greeted the other man shyly, slightly relieved that he wouldn't be the only other man who didn't just fall under the "G" heading in the LGBT community.  "And sitting next to Luci is Michael's sister, Katharina."  Tommy nodded to the beautiful blonde woman who sat next to Luci and smiled when she grinned back widely.
     "It's very nice to meet all of you," he said with happy smile and sat in the chair that Ton held out for him.
     "Well, let's eat," Ton stated in a booming voice.
     "Damn Ton!  If Mikey wasn't already deaf, you yelling that loudly would have made him that way," Howell teased and everyone laughed and began passing around the food as everyone filled up their plates.  Tommy smiled as he watched everyone exclaiming happily over the food, very proud of himself.  He was so focused on everyone else that he jumped a little when he felt Ton's breath on his ear as the bigger man leaned over to speak softly to him.
     "Sorry, I didn't ask before I brought everyone over, but everyone wanted to meet you.  But when they all leave, you and I are going to talk to Vet and Richard and you're going to explain about the letter that was left on our front door earlier."
     Tommy looked at his mate in confusion, "A letter?  What letter?  From who?"
     Ton stared at him for a moment before growling softly, "He didn't leave his name, just his initials.  A. Q."
     Tommy gasped and felt the blood leave his face as he began to tremble with fear.  The entire room grew quiet as all of the wolves scented Tommy's fear.
     "Who the hell is A.Q. Tommy?" Ton asked and Tommy heard Richard's soft cry of "Oh no!"
     Still trembling in fear Tommy answered his mate in a soft, shaking voice, "Adam Quinn.  My ex-boyfriend who's supposed to be serving twenty years in prison out in New York for beating me up and kidnapping me," he looked over at Ton, his eyes bright with unshed tears, "How is he out and how did he find me?"
     It was a question that couldn't be answered by anyone at the table, only by the very man who had apparently come for Tommy.

Inconceivable: Part Seven

Part Seven:


     Tommy opened his eyes slowly.  He was disoriented.  The sound of "Paint" still played in the background.  Where the hell was he?  Then his mind cleared from the haze of the earth shattering orgasm he'd just experienced and his body became aware of a few things all at once.  He was wrapped in the big, muscled arms of Ton.  His mate.  The two of them were covered in paint from head to two.  The room they laid in was covered in paint...and his ass ached as if he'd been impaled on a battering ram.  He grinned at that thought.  Ton was very well endowed so he wasn't too far from the truth with that one.  He shifted his hips slightly from where he lay on the floor with one of Ton's muscled legs wrapped around his own and winced at the delightful pain.  When he felt slight pressure in his rear, he knew that it was time to expel all of the white seed that Ton had shot within him.  Moving slowly he tried to extract himself from the bigger man's protective hold on him.
     "Where do you think you're going?"  Ton's deep voice growled, rough from sleep.
     Tommy turned his head and placed a small kiss on Ton's lips before replying, "I've got to go to the little boy's room."  He watched as Ton's eyes opened and stared at him.  Then the wolf's eyes traveled over his face, down his neck and to the juncture where his neck and shoulder met, focusing on the sign of their mating. The mating mark began to throb deliciously the longer that Ton stared at it and Tommy felt his morning erection get even harder.  He moaned and began to rub his ass against the larger man's own erection.
     "Iffen you wanted to go to the bathroom, I suggest you go now, otherwise, I'm liable to keep you on this floor for the next five hours or so.  However long it takes me to make you come five more times," Ton drawled, his voice filled with amusement.
     Tommy growled himself at Ton's words and then without another word he rolled out of Ton's arms and hurried to the bathroom, although his gait was a little off from the pounding that his ass received.  He heard Ton chuckle at his enthusiasm and his walk but he didn't care.  He wanted to go and empty his ass in the bathroom and take a piss and then he wanted to go back into the living room and have Ton fill him back up all over again.  With that thought in mind, he closed the bathroom door and set about getting his business done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Seven hours later, Tommy and Ton fell back onto the couch in their finally, fully painted living room.  They'd had to paint the mantle of the fireplace, the front door, the window sills in the living room and Tommy had decided it would be a good idea to paint every other stone in their stone fireplace, and it had given the fireplace a really nice affect and made it flow with the rest of the room.  Or atleast that's what Tommy had told him.  Ton didn't really know all that much about fashion and colors and palettes and light and contrasts...but his mate did so that was all that really mattered.
     He opened his mouth to ask his mate about what room they were going to paint next and what color they were going to paint it when his stomach growled loudly.  Tommy giggled and he felt himself blush for the first time in decades.
     "I guess we haven't really eaten in a while huh?"  Tommy said with another grin.  Ton loved his mate's smile, it was all innocence and sunshine and hot, steamy sinfulness all rolled into one.  Ton became more and more enamored of his mate each time that the smaller man smiled.  He'd give the man whatever he wanted as long as he kept smiling at him like that.
     "Not since yesterday before we started painting," he stated, his gaze fastened on his mate's full lips, he leaned forward to kiss him and fell face forward into the cushions.  Confused as to where his mate was and why he wasn't underneath him where he belonged, he turned his face to the side and saw Tommy looking down at him with amusement in his eyes, his lips pulled up into a beautiful smile.
     "First we eat and then we paint our bedroom a deep blue color which is supposed to encourage intimacy and arousal and then you can fuck me through the mattress, okay?" the smaller man offered before turning towards the kitchen.  Ton nodded, although his mate was no longer standing before him.  Tommy was right, they needed to eat if they were going to keep his strength up.  They needed to paint the bedroom so that they could sleep peacefully in the completely boring white walls room.  More than that, they need to fuck, to have sex, to mate.  They needed to do that more than anything.
     Ton stood up and followed his mate into the kitchen.  He watched as Tommy's ass shook in his tight green aerobic pants, his white shirt pulled tight and the hem of the shirt twisted and tied above his belly button, as he  stirred something in a bowl.  He leaned against the doorway and watched as his little man fluttered around the room, preparing a meal.  There were chicken wings and drummettes, all rinsed and ready to be smothered in something, waiting in a bowl on the counter.  There was a pot with fresh broccoli and cauliflower boiling in another pot.  There was romaine lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, feta cheese, Parmesan cheese, cilantro, garlic powder, fresh garlic, Italian seasoning, and Cajun seasoning all sitting on the counter.
     "What are you making?" he queried, raising his eyebrows in curiosity when Tommy reached up to grab the flour from the cabinet and dumped some into the bowl he was stirring before grabbing the bowl of chicken and dumping them in that bowl.
     "Breaded Parmesan Chicken wings, Greek salad, a Broccoli and Califlower Rice mixture, and for dessert I'm going to make a cherry cobbler," Tommy stated without stopping or looking over at him.  Ton's stomach growled angrily at the sound of the food, desperately wanting to be fed the delightful meal right then but he knew that he would have to wait.
     "Sounds good babe," he stated as he walked up and kissed the back of Tommy's head,the smaller man had pulled his gorgeous black hair up into a ponytail at the top of his head and Ton took a moment to sniff his hair before leaning over and placing another kiss right on Tommy's mating mark.  He grinned when the other man shivered, glad to know that the mark had become an erogenous zone for his delightful mate and stood to his full height.  "I'm going to go ahead and check on things with the alpha and with the ranch, but I'll be back in an hour, is that enough time for everything to be done?" he asked.
     "That's perfect.  Just don't forget to wash your hands before you sit down to eat okay Ant?" Tommy stated as he turned up the music on his iPod home, effectively cutting off Ton's reply.  Realizing that his mate didn't need an answer and that he'd been summarily dismissed, Ton grinned again and turned to saunter out of the house.  He stepped out of his now dry, freshly painted front door and closed the door behind him.  The Texas sun was shining brightly and he wished for a moment that he'd grabbed his sunglasses from the bedroom, but realizing he was only walking from his house into the alpha's he decided against it.  No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than his wolf smelled the scent of another man on his front step.  A man he didn't know.  Sniffing around gently, he turned to face the door and saw the envelope taped to the front of it.  How had he not seen that before?
     He pulled off the envelope and saw his mate's name scrawled across the front of it.  He should probably give this to Tommy without reading it, but the feeling of trepidation that crept over his spine warned him against it and he opened it instead.  Seconds later he was glad he did when the words that had been written to his mate filled him with rage, protectiveness, possessiveness and a hint of fear:

              Hello Tommy-Boy,
                 Did you think that if you moved out to Hicksville, TX that I wouldn't find you?
                Did you think you were safe?
               You belong to me.  Always have, and always will.
              It doesn't matter how big your new boyfriend is.  He'll just fall all that harder with a bullet in his heart.  And he will fall.  And when he's dead, I'll have you and I'll listen as you cry for him.  I'll masturbate to your pitiful sounds of heartbreak and I'll come to your screams of torture as I finally, finally make you mine, in every way.
             It won't be long now, Tommy-Boy.


            Yours Forever,                A.Q.


     Someone was after his mate and this person had no problem going through  him to get the smaller man.  Ton had to protect his mate, no matter what he had to do.

Growing Up

When I was younger everything got to me, the slightest provocation, the slightest insult, criticism, but for some reason my 26th birthday changed so much for me. I realized that I was worth so much more than I was expressing to others. I realized that others opinions of me was just that, an opinion and their opinion does not DEFINE me.

I was recently in a relationship, and this relationship was kind of the proverbial nail in the relationship coffin for me. I was EVERYTHING to this guy. I was his fount of knowlege and wisdom. I was his cheering section, his biggest fan. I was his cook, his maid. His dog walker. His housekeeper. His lover. His advisor. I met his family, I fell in love with his family and they in turn fell in love with me. I, who was hesitant about marriage already, found myself daydreaming about spending the rest of my life with this man. I lost myself in him. I lost my identity, my purpose. Oh, I still talked about it, but only to him, and he encouraged me in one breath but in the next breath kept me in my place as a woman who lived to serve him. He doled out his affections like Christmas presents and I found myself like a little puppy, so excited when that small treat came, a cuddle here, holding my hand in public here, a kiss there. Don't get me wrong the relationship wasn't all bad, but unlike what I fooled myself into believing, it wasn't all good either.

I think that's something that we all do. Not just women, but men also. We get in these relationships because we're either desperate for companionship or because of some illusion we have about the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. Then we start making concessions and excuses for their behavior, their lack of appreciation, their total disregard for us. We settle. We grow complacent. We wind up entangled, ensnared, trapped in a relationship that we probably shouldn't have been in in the first place. Everyone has their flaws, their quirks, habits and shortcomings and I don't deny that, but if you'd determined within yourself that you wouldn't spend the rest of your life with someone who was in favor of abortion and then you meet someone who favors it but you're at a season of your life when you or those around you feel as if you should have settled down, would you compromise?

I guess that's what this blog boils down to. What are you willing to compromise on? In my last relationship, I compromised on almost everything. Losing myself, my dignity, my identity because of the opinions and the expectations of others. I've gotten to the point now in my life where the opinions and expectations of others don't affect me like they used to. Whereas they used to provide 97% of the foundation for my life and actions they now provide 3%, the 97% comes from within. I found that inner strength, that inner wisdom. Oh, I still hear the snide comments, the remarks, the opinions and "well-meaning," "good-natured" advice from those who surround me telling me to do this or to not do that or that I should get over this or that I need to prepare myself to get married one day (*scoff*) but now I just smile, nod my head and continue on my way.

You see, I encourage myself now. I advise myself. I cook for myself. I make money for myself. For what I want to do. My personality is still there. I'm still just as giving, generous and selfless as I always was, but I'm no longer the pushover, the little girl desperately seeking approval, admiration, encouragement, love. I approve myself, I admire myself, I encourage myself and I love myself. I encourage you to encourage yourself everyday, to love yourself everyday. No one else's love, encouragement, approval, or admiration will fulfill you quite as much as your own does.

This was just something on my mind, so I thought I'd share. Oh by the way, since my relationship with my ex ended, I started writing my second book, I lost twenty pounds, I got in shape, I started eating better, got a great job, found myself, and remembered what makes me me. The ending of that relationship was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Remember that. Sometimes watching someone walk away from your life means welcoming someone or something new into your life.