I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT!!

Okay so apparently I'm UBER nervous about my date tonight because I went to bed this morning at 2 and then I woke up at 7, and I'm still SUPER tired but I can't get back to sleep because I'm worried about what to wear and what to pack in my overnight bag (because let's face it, it's Jack and we ALL KNOW that I'm staying over tonight).

Anyway, with all of this nervous energy in my veins it has cut off what I like to call my "creative juices."  I sat for like thirty minutes with a pen in my hand and stared at the page.  All I've written for "Damien & Roman: Forever" so far is "Roman's First Steps."  LOL.

So I'm guessing that the gods don't want me working on that, so I will instead devote myself to doing a second edit to Passion's Hero: The Alpha King so that I can get that ready for submission.  As you all may or may not know The Alpha King is my first M/M book that is Mpreg (Male Pregnancy for those who are unaware).  While I enjoy the characters from The Tate Pack Series the characters from the Passion's Hero Series are like my babies, which is why I keep re-reading it and editing it and taking stuff out and putting stuff back in.  *Shakes head*  I told Jack about this just last night when he was talking me to sleep (seriously how interesting is soccer?) and he told me:  "You just said how special this series is to you.  It's your baby, to you it will never be perfect enough for publication."  I wanted to deny it, but I can't, because it's a futuristic/sci fi/paranormal/mpreg type of book.  Complete with shifters and aliens and humanoids and I'm just like really concerned that the readers won't be able to see the planet Tumaro and Edifice and Strawxig and Namprince and all the others the way I do.

*Sigh* I think that it's impossible for me to please myself.....with my writing anyway.  LOL.

So, anyway, since I can't "create" anything new, apparently, I will just try to spruce up the old.  And try really hard not to stress out about this date tonight.

BTW, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday at the VA, I was in full on Vic mode, complete with Lil' Big Vic and everything.  Imagine how freaked out the MRI techs were when I had to strip down!  LOL.  We had such an interesting conversation about "what" I was and if I were gay.  "Yes I am."  "So you're a lesbian."  "No."  "But you just said you were gay."  "I am.  I should have been born Victor instead of Veronica Victorian, but regardless I love guys and I LOVE cock and a man's ass way too much to ever be anything but a gay man.  So I am gay, I'm just a gay man."  "Wow.  So are you considering the surgery?"  "Considering and already starting the process to get it all set up and ready to go."  "So you're going to become a man..."  "I already am a man inside."  "Oh, okay..." "For the most part, I'm bi-gender.  So I'm like a man who loves to top...a lot...but who likes to dress in drag every so often."  "Huh...so you're kind of different huh?"  "And you're just now realizing this?"

LOL.  I swear the military personnel at the VA hospital will NEVER be the same.  *Shrug* I do what I have to do to educate others.  *Wink*

Now on to editing!

{HUGZ AND SQUEEZES AND FIST BUMPS}
V. Vee (my author name-can you guess what it stands for?  LOL)

Vic/Vee

You'd Just Be a Drag Queen

Okay so I teased in a post about me asking my doctor about me getting a sex change. Ever since it seems as if that's all that some friends of mine can talk about. They ask me if I was serious (*shrug* maybe. I honestly love my strap-on, but I also love the taste of a man's cock in my mouth or licking his ass and m__ost importantly being fucked by a man with muscles and everything), what would I do with myself if I did get it done (find some really hot gay guy and fall in love and duck his brains out, so he'd have to be open to being a bottom, a lot of the time-LOL) and then from out of nowhere my friend Angel, the newly married major queen that I have known since freshman year of high school tells me today during Skype "It doesn't matter if you got the surgery or not, you'd just be a drag queen anyway." I wanted to laugh but there are sometimes when I feel like, even as a woman, that I'm dressed in drag, just impersonating a woman. So I included a picture of what I looked like when I talked to Angel, this look inspired that one-sided decision about me going to the doctor to become a man.

I honestly don't know if I can say that I feel like I should have been born a man instead of a girl. I want to have a baby so badly that I ache with it sometimes, I want to be pregnant so much that I have told every gay male couple that I am close to that I know wants to have children that I will be surrogate or egg donor and surrogate, whichever they want. I also love my breasts and love putting on makeup and wearing heels and dresses. So at those times all I want to be is a woman. So it's a I guess I am just weird thing. The woman who wants to be a gay man who dresses up like a woman.

Tell that to someone who knows me and they'll say "That foolishness only belongs to Vee-Vee." LOL.

So until my own brain makes sense I just smile and laugh and ignore their pressure to go and get the surgery done until they'll all drift away. I don't know what I'll do if I will end up doing anything. So frustrating.

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