Dear Dr. Transphobic Asshole

This is a portion of the letter that I wrote to my Transgender/LGBTQ/AIDS Advocate/Social Worker at the end of this post is the letter that I'm considering sending to the Transphobic Asshole Doctor named "Tara":

So, today I went up to the VA Emergency Department for my knee. I knew that I had probably twisted it or done some damage to it over the weekend and at Cherie's insistence I went to the ER, two hours before my appointment with Brandi. When I arrived I made sure that they knew that I had a previously scheduled appointment and they said that they'd make sure that I got to my appointment on time. So I was called back to the hospital room and put inside. An hour later (about 30 minutes before my appointment with Brandi) I was still waiting in the room. No one had been by to check on me or even to stick their head in the door. This wasn't too shocking as the VA oftentimes will stick a patient who isn't critical in a room and leave them there for over an hour, but I thought that they would take quicker care of me, seeing as how they knew of my other appointment.

Anyway, I eventually got up and hobbled up to the front desk and informed the receptionist there that I had another appointment that I had to get to and that I would be back, when it was over but that I absolutely could not miss my appointment. He asked me to wait a few minutes for the charge nurse to show up and I agreed. No sooner did our conversation end when I heard my name being said by one of the doctors, my legal name, the one that it's in the system but also has a notation in the field that states that I am to be called: Vicktor or Vic.

I figure it will be quicker for me to just put it in dialogue form the conversation with Doctor Tara, the doctor mentioned above, and her colleague.

Dr. Tara: I'm supposed to see somebody named...Veronica. Why the hell does it say Vic in here?

Colleague: Oh yeah, I saw her last week. Her legal name is Veronica, but she goes by Vic and everyone calls her Vic.

Dr. Tara: Why?

Colleague: Because she's transgender, so I guess she's a he. So his name is Vic, that's what we call him.

Dr. Tara: Oh no! Are you serious? I've got one of them?

Colleague: (blushing slightly because he saw me) I just saw Vic last week for...chest pains, right Vic?

Me: Yeah.

Dr. Tara looked at me and gave me a look of disgust and that's when I told her that I had another appointment to be at and that I had to leave but that I would be back after that.

She informed me that she'd rather see me first and then then have me get sent down for X-Rays and then for me to go to see Brandi. I had no problem with this and agreed. So Dr. Tara led me back to the very room I'd just left out of and asked me what had happened to my knee, I explained it to her and then when we got in the room, I wasn't told to sit down or anything so I could be examined properly, I was asked to roll up my pants leg and my knee was barely touched by her before she went to the sink and scrubbed her hands furiously as she explained that it didn't feel swollen but that she would call for an X-ray. Now, I don't know if she knows something I don't and being transgender is actually contagious, I'm not sure why she felt she had to scrub her hands so hard, but I do know that I felt beyond offended at her actions. 

I wish I could tell you that the story ended there, but it didn't.

When I went in to go get my X-Ray (which I had to walk to-on my bad knee which is also on the same leg as my sprained ankle) the X-Ray tech there (whose name is Zach I believe) didn't even have mypaperwork, he had someone else's, because while they'd sent me down there, they hadn't given him the right information about who I was, what name I'm supposed to be called, questions to avoid asking me and even  which knee was the injured one. So when Zach finished with me he told me that he had to take me back to the ER, now I'd been told that when I finished in the ER I was supposed to go straight to my appt, Zach had been told to bring me back there. So he led me in and I brought up that he'd told me to come back in. With a sigh of disgust and a huge amount of attitude Dr. Tara said, "No, I told you to go straight to your appointment."

So I went.

When my appt was over I returned to the ER to get the results of my X-Ray (which I knew that if they wanted an accurate diagnosis of what was wrong with my knee that I should've had a MRI done, especially since I'd informed Dr. Tara that I'd torn my miniscus tendon in this same knee ten years before and had never had the surgery for it done. I walked into the ER, filled out the paperwork to let them know I was back for my results and sat and waited. I'd come in at about 12:10, by 1:00pm, my sister Cherie was livid, because I was supposed to have taken the DAV (the transportation for veterans, which is who had brought me in and with whom I was supposed to have take me home) home, but I'd missed them and it was too late. My name was still never called. By this point my knee is throbbing, I'm annoyed, Cherie is annoyed and I've told her about the doctor's initial reaction to me and she's already put in a few calls to people. Carissa, the OIF (Operation Iraqi Freedom) worker assigned to me, has come down to the ER to check on me, it's now 1:30pm. She tells me about the phone call for Cherie, that she's going to try and get me home, that she was sorry for all that I'd endured, etc., etc., etc. Then she says that she's going to go and check and see what the problem is. As soon as she steps into the back and asks a question, Dr. Tara comes in and says she doesn't know why they didn't come and get her, that they'd gotten my X-Ray results two hours before. She tells me that the X-Rays came back fine and so I probably just twisted it and she's going to go and get me a brace. I go to follow her so she can put it on and she tells me to wait at the door. She comes back with two braces. One she says is a medium, the other she says is a large. She looks at my knee and, again, barely touches it as she tries to see which size will fit me, she tells me I need a large and that I'd have to "take all that off" (and gestures at my pants and the bottom half of my body with a sneer on her face) and that she'll just give me the brace so I can put it on. And then she practically shoves the brace in a bag that says it's a "large", but as we found out later was actually a "medium" in a large bag, and rushes off as if the hounds of hell were on her behind.

M, man, honestly, had I known that transgenderism was contagious, I would've worn a mask or something.

I did report her to the Patient's Advocate and Michele apologized to me on behalf of the hospital and said that the doctor would be given a "stern talking to," but honestly, even though the military is far more progressive today than it was when I was in there, even though DADT has been repealed, even though this hospital and this VA is a ton more accepting than the one I came from in Florida, I still know that they'll talk to her so that it can be put in her file, but that there are some people who would be silently applauding her for treating the "tranny" like she did.a

I am not typically a blood-thirsty, you made me mad and almost made me cry and now you must lose your job, type of person, but I told Cherie that I want Dr. Tara to lose her job. I'm already having to attend the "Mental Health" department just because I am trans and I grew up in the household/family that I did and trying to balance my truth with their angry voice. And I'm there because of my disabilities and how that affects me not being able to find a job that's understanding with my injuries. So with having this............................."doctor" treat me the way she did? Cherie had to put a call in to Brandi and let her know.

That was moments before we found out that the brace given to me or rather shoved at me, was the wrong size.

Cherie is going down to the VA tomorrow to have it out with them and get me a new brace, but she suggested that I tell you to see if you had any ideas about what else, if anything, I should do. She wants to contact the local LGBTQ chapter, the HRC chapter (she even teased about contacting the news station) and like I said, honestly, I'm not usually the one out for blood like this, but what if I'd been a fragile teenager? What if I was already suicidal and she said that?

I want her suspended or fired. I want a true apology. I want.....to feel vindicated, like she truly leaned her lesson and would never do that again.

So any thoughts?

Dear Dr. Transphobic Asshole:

I'm sorry that you're being chewed out by your boss.

And the Patient Advocate people.

And my sister Cherie, I'm sure that's the scariest moment in the world for you.

But you should be happy. My dad is way more scarier. And my older siblings are very protective of me.

You know you were wrong and that you must pay. I won't ask for your life as payment, because I do want to live again, but, I want your job.

Because if we'd had that situation a few months ago, if you had reacted in August, in October the way you reacted today, our little "misunderstanding" then I would have tried to kill myself.

You have to understand that words and reactions carry weight and power and strength.

Your words can kill a person, can maim and bruise them, destroy them.

Words are so fucking heartbreaking it's almost ridiculous.

And I was going to take it easy and call off the Calvary, but then I remembered that, I could've been a teenager that you'd said that too and that's unacceptable.

So I'm sorry that I got the LGBTQ community involved. Sorry that people want to call the HRC. Sorry that my sister called my therapist, the hospital administrator and everyone else that she could think of and reported you. Sorry that an apology from you to me, just isn't enough at this point.

You see I may be transgender, but I'm one badass transgender, dominating bastard with a lot of people supporting me and backing me up and a lot of people fighting for me.

This time, you fucked with the wrong one.

Sincerely,

VICKTOR ALEKSANDR B.

Transgender Remembrance Day

*This post contains some very graphic, offensive, hurtful and slang terms.  They are unfortunately very pertinent to the posting of this blog.  If you are offended I encourage you to either scroll past the offensive part or close this particular post.  The words and views are not that of the author/owner/"moderator" of this blog (obviously), but are the views and opinions shared by those who are mean, hateful and woefully ignorant.*

"Aye.  Yo, man, what the fuck is that?"
"What?"
"Right there.  Aye, is that a girl or one of them sissy queers?"
"What, you mean like a fag or something?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know man.  She kinda looks like one o' 'dem trannies or some fucked up shit like that."
"Well 'den let's go find out."

"I know that you claim to identify as a gay male but...."

"You're not a "real" man though....."

"I'm just having a hard time accepting it.  I don't think you're really transgender."

"So you aren't just saying that God made a mistake by making you a girl, you're saying that you want to be an abomination and be a man who is having sex with other men?"

"The devil is going to tear you apart because you insist on living this way...."

"You're a GIRL, I don't care what you feel like.  Get over it!"

"So, you wanna be a man, huh?  Well then fight me like a man then.  You don't like me hitting you, then bring it on, otherwise I'm going to beat you like the bitch you are."



Over the last four months I've had these things said to me, about me, around me.

I have had to grip the handle of my cane tightly in my hand, ready to swing out and defend myself, just in case someone decided that they wanted to see just what I was.

I have had people ask me where my genitals were located and that that determined if I was "really a man or not."

I have had people question my decision, tell me that I'm not really transgender, and others tell me that I'm not a "real man."

I have had those same people tell me that I "shouldn't take it personally" because they worked with or knew transgender people/teens or had transgenders in their family.

That's not an excuse.

That's just like you insulting me because I'm black and then telling me not to take offense because you have black people in your family or because you know black people.

You insulted me.  You hurt me.


And that hurt has led to me fighting against thoughts of suicide, of cutting my wrists, throwing myself out of a window, throwing myself in front of a car.  The fear of being attacked and being killed makes me want to walk with my head down some days or to just smile and nod when someone calls me "she," "ma'am," "her," or "lady."

I have a friend who lives in Chicago that I wanted to visit and he told me (in no uncertain terms):
SD: Vic, no.  You can't come here alone.
Me: Why not?
SD: It's dangerous for me to be here, black and gay.  But you?  You're not just black, you're black, you're a transgender male, and you identify as being a gay man.  Don't you get it?  They will kidnap you, rape you, beat you and kill you and toss your body into a ditch on the side of the road before you even get too far from the airport and the police will just say that it was because you were alone or something.  Because you look like you're transitioning, you don't just look female or just look male, you can tell and they will hurt you because of that.  You can't come here alone.  Not yet.




Today is Transgender Remembrance Day.  A day when families and allies of transgenders gather together to remember those who lost their lives, were beaten, attacked, disowned, cast aside, hurt, all because they were transgender.

I thought long and hard about what I would write on this blog of mine which is so much different from the others that I write.  This one is personal.  This is the blog where my journey started.  This is the blog where I admitted the truth about myself.  This is the blog where I can be me.

I knew that I needed to use today, and this very same blog to raise awareness of the issue of transphobia and being transgender in this day and age.  There has been some very ugly, very disgusting and disturbing displays of transphobia within the online community that is supposed to be supportive but I believe, as does many others, that through education and those of us who are trans* speaking out that we can raise awareness and spark change.  I shall start today doing even more than I did before.  (If you would like to stand with us, please copy the two pictures on my blog and post them on your blog or as your avatar or something in alliance with us.)

Every three days in America and other parts of the world a transgender person is reported as having been killed in a hate crime.  I would like to honor some of them and hope that today you will stand with me and with others to remember those who lost their lives and to help end transphobia, because those statements above can incite others to violence and intolerance and hatred and those things can lead to death and it must end here.  Because even if you don't know a trans* person in your personal life you know of one: ME.

Erika Keels (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; 3/22/07) Erika, a 20-year-old black transgender woman, was murdered on March 22, 2007, on North Broad Street in Philadelphia. Witnesses saw an assailant eject Erika from his car and intentionally run her over four times, killing her and leaving the scene. A medical examiner’s report supports these eyewitness accounts. But police ruled Erika’s death an accident and have refused to conduct an investigation. The driver, Roland Button, was later apprehended, but he has yet to face criminal charges–including “hit and run” charges. When Ms. Keels’ friends, who are themselves trans, questioned police officials about the classification of her death as an accident, they were asked to disclose their “birth” names and told they were “trying to make something out of nothing."

Sanesha Stewart was a 25-year-old trans woman living in the Bronx, New York, who was stabbed to death on February 10, 2008.^[15] An ex-convict was arrested for the murder. Police reported that he had visited her for sex and became enraged over the realization that she was not biologically a female.^[15] Stewart's murder, initially reported by the New York Daily News as "Fooled John Stabbed Bronx Tranny", outraged transgender activists for the act as well as the reporting in the media.^[16] A neighbor denied the police's assertion she was a prostitute.^[15] The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) intervened to inform the Daily News that tranny is often considered pejorative and dehumanizing and that insinuating Stewart "fooled" her murderer was both defamatory and irresponsible.^[17] The paper dropped both tranny and fooled in follow-up stories and changed the online version of the original report to address the concerns raised.^[15]

Larry King of Oxnard, California, was a gay or bisexual^[18] 15-year-old eighth-grade student who was shot to death at his school on February 12, 2008. He wore gender variant clothes, jewelry and make-up^[19] and had come out as gay at school.^[19] King was bullied and teased by his fellow students due to his effeminacy and openness about being gay, having come out at ten-years-old and while in the third grade.^[18] On the morning of February 12, Lawrence was in the school’s computer lab with 24 other students. Fellow student, fourteen-year-old Brandon McInerney was witnessed repeatedly looking at King during the class. At 8:15 a.m, McInerney shot King twice in the head using a handgun.^[20] King was declared brain dead the next day but kept on a ventilator to preserve his organs for donation.^[19] Prosecutors charged McInerney as an adult with murder as a premeditated hate crime and gun possession.^[19] The trial is pending as of November 2008. The crime was reputed to be the most high-profile hate crime case of 2008. Newsweek described it as "the most prominent gay-bias crime since the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard", bringing attention to issues of gun violence as well as gender expression and sexual identity of teenagers.^[18]

Duanna Johnson, a 40-year-old African American transgender woman. In February 2008, Duanna was picked up and arrested by Memphis, Tennessee, police officers Bridges McRae and J. Swain. She was pinned down and beaten by the two men in a Memphis police jail after she refused to respond to anti-gay and anti-transgender slurs. The assault was captured on video, which aired on several regional newscasts. In an interview given to FOX 13, Duanna spoke about her experiences. “As [Officer McRae] was calling me, he said ‘hey he-she, come over here’” Johnson told FOX 13 reporters, “I knew he couldn’t be talking to me because that’s not my name.” Duanna Johnson received national media attention this past June when she went public about the brutality she suffered at the hands of two Memphis Police Officers. She became “the public face of our community’s campaign against racism, homophobia, and transphobia” according to a statement from the Mid-South Peace and Justice Center. Tragically, Duanna did not live to see full justice served. On Monday Nov 10, according to news reports, Duanna was shot “execution style” between Hollywood and Staten Avenue in Memphis, Tenn.^[21]

Felicia Melton-Smyth, a 41-year-old transwoman, was stabbed to death on May 26, 2008 in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. She was vacationing with a group of 20 people from Madison, Wisconsin. Francisco Javier Hoyos Reyes was arrested immediately afterwards.^[22]

Angie Zapata was a trans woman who was murdered on July 17, 2008, in Greeley, Colorado. Her death was the first ever case involving a transgender victim to be ruled a hate crime.^[23] Colorado is one of only eleven states that protect transgender victims under hate crime laws in the United States. Allen Andrade, who learned eighteen-year-old Angie was transgender after meeting her and spending several days with her, beat her to death with a fire extinguisher. In his arrest affidavit, Andrade calls Zapata "it",^[24] and during his trial a tape was played of a phone conversation in which he told his girl friend "gay things need to die".^[25] Andrade's attorneys used a gay panic defense, implying that Andrade suddenly "snapped" when he learned Zapata was not born biologically female. On April 22, 2009, Andrade was found guilty of first degree murder, hate crimes, and car/ID theft. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.^[26]

LaTeisha Green was a trans woman who was murdered on November 14, 2008. The man who shot her, Dwight DeLee, was found guilty of first-degree manslaughter as a hate crime against gays. There are no laws protecting gender variant people in New York State.^[27][28]

[edit]2009

Tyli A Nana Boo Mack, a 21-year-old transgender woman, was attacked and fatally stabbed in broad daylight on the street in Washington, D.C. ^[29] The attack occurred on the 200 block of Q Street, NW around 2:30pm, near the offices of Transgender Health Empowerment, a transgender support group.^[29] Mack was walking with an unidentified transgender woman when they were attacked.^[30] Both victims were rushed to Howard University Hospital, where Mack died.^[31] TheMetropolitan Police Department advertised up to $25,000 in compensation for any information leading to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for Mack's murder.^[32] Some problematic coverage of Mack's murder led the D.C Transgender Coalition to issue a statement regarding respect for the gender identities of trans people.^[29]

[edit]2010

Victoria Carmen White, a 28-year-old transgender woman, was fatally shot at an apartment in Maplewood, New Jersey, on Sunday, September 11.^[33] White went to the apartment with her killers, Alrashim Chambers and Marquise Foster, whom she had met earlier that night.^[34] Investigators believe that White's killers shot her upon learning that she was transgender and are considering hate crime charges.^[34] Many transgender advocates were confused and upset by the Essex County Prosecuter's Office's initial report that White was male, despite the fact that her documentation and genital configuration confirmed she was female.^[35]*

 Find somewhere that is honoring Transgender Remembrance Day, help us end transphobia.


-Vicktor "Vic"
An Out and Proud Gay TransMAN

*Information gathered from Wikipedia:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unlawfully_killed_transgender_people*

*Photo images taken with permission from: http://amaras-place.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-see-myself-embrace-rainbow.html#.TskWPlsNt6o.facebook *

Happy Birthday to Me!!

I turned 28 today.

I feel like I'm turning 16.

Why?

Because this is the first year where I'm having a celebration as myself.  As Vic.  The first time since I was 15 that I'm not an afterthought or forgotten or where my birthday is having to take a backseat to someone else's celebration.

This is the first year that I feel really and truly loved and supported and it's an amazing thing.

Even in the midst of all of the hell and drama and turmoil that is currently rocking the online M/M community (which I will not discuss), I am surrounded by family.  The family of my choosing.  A family that knows me, supports me anyway, and encourages me to continue to live my truth.

A family where every member wrote to me ahead of time to either wish me Happy Birthday ahead of time, to ask me what I wanted for my birthday (what?! You mean you WANT to give me a present?!), to tell me how proud of me they are, how much they support me and how they want me to keep pushing forward and how they would do anything for me.

This is the first year that I'm not having to force myself or remind myself that I have to be a "girl" in order to please my family.  This is the first year that I won't be calling my friends to come and take me out so I can self-medicate with alcohol over the fact that I had to force myself to be a girl all day long.  This is the first year, of many years to come, where the smile on my face will be genuine and I'll be surrounded by love and affection and support.

This year is the first year, the first birthday, of the rest of my life and it is delicious.

I couldn't ask for a better family if I tried.

So to my mothers:
            Stephani Hecht
            Pati
            NJ Nielsen
To my older brothers:
            Damon Suede
             Brendan (Sid)
To my older sisters:
            MJ O'Shea
            Piper Vaughn
            Cherie Noel
            Taylor Donovan
            Katharina
            LC Chase
            Heidi Cullinan
            Xara X Xanakas
To my younger brothers:
            Thorny-TTBB (and his Jazz)
            Matty
            Brad
To the awesomest Nieceling and Nephrew ever!
To my younger sister:
            Lucy/Kat
To my aunts:
            Embry Carlysle
            Anne Tenino
And to countless friends and supporters and my special English sweethearts:
            Bryl Tyne
            DC Juris
            Daniel Kaine
            Thomas
            Ellis Carrington
            Devon Rhodes
            Gabrielle Evans
            Joyee Flynn
            TA Chase
            Stormy Glenn
            Ethan Day
            Shae Connor
            Samantha
            Luci
            Patty
           Veronica
           Perpetua
           Tj
           Archie
           Kerstin
           Aleksandr
And anyone else that I forgot:


 Thank You All So Much! You are the GREATEST Family a gay boy like me could ever ask for!


Sincerely,


Vic

Hanging Out With the Nieceling

So yesterday I hung out with my new "nieceling".  That is my adopted big sister's daughter.

My family is awesome.

So anyway, yesterday I totally hung out with "The Nieceling". We played Monopoly City, where she almost beat me, but I ended up winning in the end (Yay for Vic!).  Say what you will.  She's 12 and she beat me in UNO the night before...twice.

So after we played Monopoly City we watched Nanny McPhee returns and cooked together.

It was super fun.

I gave her a recipe for steak and then supervised her as she cooked them.  Then she made salad to go with it.

The steak was so good that her mom and I couldn't stop gushing over how good it was.

It totally made her day.

By the time we all went to bed, or at least headed off in that direction, she was beaming and felt so proud of herself and we both were very proud of her.

And before she went to bed she looks at me and said, "Thank you Uncle Vic."

I almost cried.

So this morning we're having waffles and hanging out again and all I can keep thinking is how thankful I am for my new family.  Because to them I am "Little Brother Vic" or "Big Brother Vic" or "Son Vic" or (most touching of all) "Uncle Vic" and that makes MY day.

New Blog Name and New Blog Address

So in light of me living my truth and seeing myself as Vic today and in light of me meeting so many people that are helping me in this process of transitioning and stuff I've decided to change my blog name and the blog address.

It's gone from:  http://veronicavictorian.blogspot.com  & The Passionate Caresses of Veronica Victorian

To: http://imstillvic.blogspot.com & Call Me Vic


So that's the new information.  Just so you're aware!


{Hugz and Squeezes and Fist Bumps}

Vic

Blog Pimpage

So I met an awesome girl named Kathleen through a thread on Goodreads.  She has this thing that she does on her blog called "Friday First Kisses."  She and I have been talking and she decided to write this week's FFK with a trans character.

Woohoo!!!

So go to her blog and read it.  I got to read it a few days ago and it is AH-MAH-ZING!

I've also decided to pimp a blog every Friday.  To show my support.  So much as I do on Twitter for the #FollowFriday I'm going to do "Blog Pimpage" either every Friday or every other Friday and if not a blog then an author or a person or an artist....yes.

And it shall be named: FRIDAY'S PIMPAGE!!!!

That's AWESOME!

Alright, anyway  here's the link to Kathleen's blog and the title of the "Friday First Kisses" post with the trans character is called "Perfect" starring Jesse and Leo: http://khayes54.livejournal.com