The Adventures of the Rainbow Family-Part One

So I had a dream two nights ago and it made my therapist laugh so hard that she was gasping for breath. (In Dorothy voice) and you were there, and you were there and you were there. *Snickers*

Anyway, it is now being referred to as my “Superhero Dream,” because it was very Captain America and the Justice League…but like the GLBTQ version.

So I thought I’d share it with you all to make you smile and laugh and let you see that even if you weren’t prominently mentioned, in my head you’re all superheroes.

*

So the dream began at a house with a layout much like the one that Cherie and I have right now, but bigger and different, although the placement was the same. The house was much, much bigger. So big that it was able to fit the entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, dad, moms, brothers, sisters, etc (the kids were sitting at another table, except one baby-mine and Daniel’s-who was sitting in her high chair between us) at the dining table. So we’re all sitting at the table and I remember cataloguing random new people. Tay-Tay’s new man, Cherie’s new man, Damon’s husband was there, Dad was there with his man, Mama NJ was there with her husband, Daniel was with me and we had three children (yes, Daniel, three). So sitting across from Daniel and I was Damon and his husband and Damon goes to lift his fork of food to his mouth to eat when he pauses and says “There’s a disturbance in the atmosphere” with one eyebrow quirked and everything.

So I look at him, all confused like, and say “What?” And he looks around like he’s hiding something and says “Nothing. But I need to go….” Then he gets up and leaves the table.

Tay-Tay jumps up right after and she puts her hands on her hips like a superhero and says, “I MUST…go…to the bathroom,” and she takes off.

Then Cherie jumps up from her chair so fast that the chair slid across the room and slammed into the wall and she raises one finger and says, “I NEED…to go downstairs and check on my car.”

So by this point I’m really confused and I say, “What’s going on?” and Daniel leans over and pats my arm and says, “Don’t worry about it honey.”

Then Dad stands up, real calm like and he’s like, “I need to go downstairs and have a smoke,” and I look at him leaving, with Heidi right behind and I say, “But Dad, you don’t smoke!”

Then Mama NJ stands up and says, “You bunch of wankers, I’m going outside to see what’s going on.” So I’m looking around the table, very confused and saying, “What the hell is going on?” When Daniel stands up and says, “I need to go too.”

So I look at him and I say, “Go where? You didn’t ask me if you could go anywhere.” So Daniel looks at me with this exasperated look and says, “You told me I don’t have to ask you to use the bathroom.” And I say, “Oh! Yeah, yeah, sure. Go ahead.” So he nods at me and (and this is the gross part) leans over to me and says, “And I need to take a shit so I might be a while.”

So I tell him to go but I notice that he’s not heading towards the bathrooms, he’s headed outside. I’m just about to question again when I hear:

“You there! Stop right there! This instant!”

So I run towards the windows with the kids behind me and jerk it open. I look outside and down to the street and I see the biologicals, in full on evil villain attire (grey tights, black space boots, shredded black capes, black masks on their faces, black gloves like Batman) faced off with all of you.

So as I look down into the street I start pointing out who I see down in the street. "That's Damon!" "And that's Cherie!" "Is that...Daniel?!" I'm all confused and I say "What the hell is going on?" Then I hear from behind me, "Uncle Vic, I think it would be best if you move from in front of the window, I'm running a little late and I don't want you to get hurt." I turn around and there's the Nieceling, Cherie's daughter, standing there in her superhero costume. Space boots (purple) over teal tights, with a white checkered pair of shorts on over that, with a orange and beige skirt on over that. Then she had on a t-shirt, a buttoned down shirt over that, with a little black vest on over that with a long purple cape on it (if you ever met her you'd know this is classic clothing for her). I'm so confused by this point I step out of the way and watch as she just sort of flies out of the window.

Damon's superhero costume was purple, yellow and green. Tay-Tay's costume was red, white, blue. Cherie's costume was red, orange and yellow. Dad's costume was blue, green and grey. Mama NJ's costume color was the entire rainbow. Daniel's costume color was purple, red and black. Heidi's costume color was pink, red and grey. The women all looked like Wonder Woman and the men all had costumes like Superman (complete with muscles).

So the biologicals say, "We've come for Vic!" and Lisa,the youngest biological sister blew her breath (which from the dream was hot and very stinky) and everyone just sort of stepped back. Then Tanya (the biological mother) started reading Scripture from the Bible she held in her hands and the words from the page came up off of the page and Dad yelled out "Asshole!" and threw a lightning bolt that cut through the words and made them fall to the ground. Then the word asshole was tattooed on Tanya's forehead in German. Dad continued to say words and throw lightning bolts and they were all being tattooed on the biologicals in German. Then Damon threw his hands up in the air and said, "Leave my little brother alone" and all of this purple glitter came out of nowhere and landed on the biologicals (at this point in the dream I remember that I laughed and said, "Really Damon? Glitter?") but then I saw that the glitter was being embedded in the skin of the biologicals and sort of burning them. Then Tanya tried the Scripture thing again and Shontina (the younger biological sister) kept pointing her finger and saying, "Stop it! Stop that right now" and everyone sort of looked at her and laughed. Then Tay-Tay started throwing legal briefs at all of them, but the legal briefs were like ninja stars and slicing through their clothes and stuff. Then Cherie stepped forward and said, "Vic is MY baby bro, now leave him alone!" and stuck her finger in the air and all of the biologicals's sex changed. If they started off being female they were changed to male and vice versa. They all screamed and everyone laughed. Then Daniel stepped forward and said, "You silly Americans! You're all speaking improper English! And Vic is mine!" and then proper English words started falling from the sky on top of the biologicals head like hail (words like doughnuts, coloured, flavoured, cosy).

Then Mama NJ stepped forward and said, "You will leave my dear Son alone! Right now!" and these kangaroos came out of nowhere and picked the biologicals up and stuck them in their pouches.

Then Heidi stepped forward and she was crying (I will admit that in the dream at this time I was like, "Oh Heidi, c'mon! You're crying?! You're in the middle of a battle! There's no crying!") and she said, "Can't you see how amazing he is? Leave my little brother alone." Then I noticed that there was a hurricane and a tornado coming straight for the biologicals. The more upset that Heidi became the more it stormed and the worst it got.

When Heidi stopped crying the biologicals were gone but the city looked devastated. Then the Nieceling stepped forward and said, with her arms folded together like she was praying, "Vic is as he always was, a man. Let the Earth be healed." And the entire city was cleansed. The sky was bluer, the grass was greener, the streets were clean. It was pretty awesome.

Then everyone started shaking hands and patting each other on the back congratulating each other (Daniel kept saying, "Good show!"). Then I yelled down, "What the FUCK!? You guys are all superheroes and NO ONE told me?!" Then Dad looked up at me and smiled sheepishly before waving, "Hi Vic." Then everyone else waved and said "Hi Vic." I yelled down and said, "Don't hey Vic, me! What the fuck is going on?!" Then the Nieceling looked at me and said, "Uncle Vic! Language!" and Daniel said, "Honey, not in front of the kids." So I turned and saw my two eldest children, both boys, standing next to me, so I said, "Cover your ears," and they went to cover their ears and said, "He always makes us cover our ears."

After they do that, I turn back to the window and look out and say, "Now how long have you guys been fucking superheroes and not told me? And how can we market this and make some money?"

*

And then I woke up.

LOL. Just thought I'd share that with you guys. Especially since I've been told to take "The Rainbow Family" and turn it into a comic book. *Snickers* (I've already got one starring LC, MJ, Piper and Xakara in mind. LOL)