I've had people ask me to get some self-esteem.
I did...for the most part.
I've had people ask me to stick up for myself.
I did...for the most part.
I don't think I've ever had someone tell me that I should stop being so humble though....until now.
Apparently my humility. My realization that while I am talented, smart, creative, generous, etc. I couldn't and wouldn't be where I am today without other people and I am so unbelievable grateful for those people is apparently very upsetting for some people.
When I looked up humble this is what I found:
not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble althoughsuccessful.
having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience,etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I feltvery humble.
low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: ofhumble origin; a humble home.
courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong.
low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member ofthe galaxy.
Humility is described as:
the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion orestimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.
So I noticed while I was looking these words up that the word: modest seemed to come up....a lot. So I decided to look it up as well:
having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity, egotism,boastfulness, or great pretensions.
free from ostentation or showy extravagance: a modesthouse.
having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior,speech, dress, etc.; decent: a modest neckline on a dress.
limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc.: a modestincrease in salary.
Then I saw some synonyms for modest (I am putting the bold emphasis on certain words):
1. retiring, unassuming. 1, 2. unpretentious, unobtrusive. 3. pure, virtuous. Modest, demure, prudish imply conformity topropriety and decorum, and a distaste for anything coarse or loud.Modest implies a becoming shyness, sobriety, and proper behavior: a modest, self-respecting person. Demure implies abashful, quiet simplicity, staidness, and decorum; but can alsoindicate an assumed or affected modesty: a demure young chorusgirl. Prudish suggests an exaggeratedly self-conscious modestyor propriety in behavior or conversation of one who wishes to bethought of as easily shocked and who often is intolerant: a prudishobjection to a harmless remark.
As I sat and read these definitions, I was a little horrified and then also a little confused.
People don't want me to be modest? To be free of pretension and arrogance? They want me to be a prick?
(I said be a prick not have a prick-although there are those out there who don't want me to have that either)
I didn't know how to explain myself to my friend or to my sister, Cherie, later when we sat and talked about it, so I can only hope that I will be able to explain myself to you all a little better.
I love to write. I love to sing, draw, sketch, paint, design, build, dance, make people laugh, make people think, help people, change situations for people for the better, help teens, love on Daniel, love on and encourage my family and friends, play sports. And for the most part, I think I do these things fairly well. I may not be amazing, but I don't stink at them either. I don't walk around telling people how amazing I am at them and I actually get a little flustered when people start to gush over my talents, not because I think they're lying or at any sense of false modesty because in my head I'm always thinking of the person or persons I know who can do it so much better.
So while others see it as humility and see it as something annoying and something that intimidates them ("how the hell can someone like you stay so fucking humble all the goddamn time and people love you more for it and hate me for telling the truth? I don't get it! No one can live up to your fucking example Vic!"), I see it as truth.
It's easy to be humble when you only see the genius, the beauty, the brilliance in others.
That isn't to say that I don't see the bad, there are people who insisted to show me how evil and corrupt and vicious, vile and hateful they could be and those people give me a really hard challenge finding something, anything positive and good about them...around people like that I have a hard time remaining humble, because how am I supposed to feel as if I'm not superior to them that they don't deserve to kiss my boots when they persist on being vile and hateful and nasty?
But that is neither here nor there. For the most part, I stay humble because I know that there's someone out there that can do everything I can do and probably do it better, so I give it my all, give it my best shot and it people agree and love it, that's awesome, if not, that's fine too, because I've done my best, stayed nice with others, helped others at the end of my life if the can only put one word on my grave I don't want it to be Dom, or Sexy, or Writer, or Son, or Husband, or Brother, or Friend, or Father, or Giving...I'd want it to say: Humble, because when you're humble you make an amazing Dom, writer, husband, brother, friend, father, son, philanthropist, world savior, etc.
It all starts with humility.
-Vicktor Aleksandr B