Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Love Across The Big Pond #5: It's Getting Harder

Dear Daniel,

It's getting harder to say goodnight to you. Goodnight really means good-bye. It means that you're going to be over in England and I have hours before I inevitably give into the urge to sleep myself.

It means that you're not here.

And each time, my fingers hesitate over the keys. Each time I have to say goodnight to you, tell you to go to bed, because I know that you'll try to stay up reading or writing or playing games for as long as you can unless I make you go to bed, each time I have to do that, I feel another piece of my heart break. You aren't here. I'm not there. We should be together so that when it's bed time, we're going there...together.

The Alpha wolf inside of me is pacing back and forth angrily, he wants his mate, his other half. He wants to claim what's his, mark it and keep it by his side.

It's what I want as well.

But I have to press the keys that say goodnight. Press the keys and hope that they convey to you how much I love you, hope that you can feel even a fraction of how much my heart beats for you. You are my first thought every morning and my last thought every night. And saying goodnight to you, when you're not in my arms is getting harder and harder to do. But I'll keep doing it because I'd rather deal with the ache in my chest, the temporary emptiness in my arms, the longing for you that I feel every day, every hour, every minute, if it means that in 8 weeks, I get to make up for loss time.

I get two weeks of heaven with you, two weeks of bliss and love and complete surrender to the overwhelming surge of powerful emotion that I have for you. And yes, you're leaving again after that and we'll have a few more months of IMs, emails, tweets, letters, cards, gifts, texts, Skypes until we see each other again, but it's worth it. Those two weeks will get me through those next few months.

Because I'd rather miss you and know that you're mine than give you up and never truly feel like I can breathe again.

So yes, I miss you and yes it's getting harder to say goodnight, but soon, love, very soon, when I say goodnight, you'll be in my arms where you're supposed to be.

Lovdorish you always and forever.




  1. Oh dear man,

    Love to you and Daniel--and warmest hug possible--and hang in there...soon...soon he'll be yours for good.

  2. That was so beautiful, Vic!

    Don't you just hate when you can't convey the caress, the touch, the longing in your eyes over the texts (or over Skype)?

    He will be back soon. Soon, for good. Keep the eyes on the prize. Hang in there, dear. XX

  3. Only 53 days now. Less than two months, and then you'll be able to say good night with me in your arms. 53 days til we'll have an absolutely amazing 2 weeks.

    Not that I'm counting or anything.

  4. Thank you for your encouragement Sammy and Brahmin. I just have to keep reminding myself that I don't have long to wait now.

    Daniel, I'm so glad that you're counting too baby. Makes me feel a little better. *Hugz and Kisses*


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