Why I Dislike Chocolate

I was six the first time I can remember going on a chocolate binge.

My school was selling "World's Finest Chocolate" and my biological mom was in love with the chocolate bars.

I didn't understand her obsession.

Skittles? Yes. M&M's? Yes. Now & Later's? Yes. But just chocolate? No, hard candy shell?

Eww...gross.

That's what I thought until I tried a piece of that first candy bar.

Oh man...*shivers* I knew why they were titled "World's Finest Chocolate" because it was fracking incredible (I'm using fracking instead of fucking.....sometimes).

That night when the biologicals had gone to bed, I ate every. Single. Candy bar.

There were like 25 in the box. My biologicals had only bought 5. So I ate 20 chocolate bars. $20 worth.

I took the whipping (more often termed beating, spanking, etc) to my ass with a wide, chocolate grin on my face. I didn't even get sick the next day.

But my love affair with chocolate...my obsession with it, had begun.

I went to school everyday with a bag of peanut M&Ms, a Snickers bar, a Butterfinger, a Kit-Kat bar, and a Crunch bar.

Every day.

When I turned 19, I was living in Pensacola and attending seminary school (yes, I attended seminary-I'm actually an ordained pastor-I bet that school wishes they could take that back) and still obsessed with chocolate. I was engaged to be married to a deuschebag (although at the time I didn't know he was one) and I weight 115 pounds and I was 5'8".

Yeah, I was uber skinny.

Anyway, my friend Esther and I were talking and as we talked I ate bag after bag, candy bar after candy bar of chocolate. The conversation was about how I didn't know where all of my money was going.

Smart, right?

Esther looked at me then at the chocolate then back at me. And then said "Vee...babe, I think you need to cut down on the chocolate."

I looked at her in shock, dismay, horror and then suspicion. She just wanted all of the chocolate for herself!

"Um...no."

That was my response. She looked at me and then went and grabbed all of my chocolate that she could find and then we sat down and calculated how much chocolate I ate every day and how much I spent every month on chocolate.

I shit you not when I tell you I was spending about $200 a month on chocolate.

Just on chocolate people.

I knew I had a problem then and there was no "Chocoholics Anonymous," so Esther did the next best thing.

She sort of became my "Chocolate Dom." She told me that I couldn't have chocolate for a while. When I asked her when I could have chocolate again she said "I'll tell you when." That was it. No clue as to the length or anything.

So I went on a chocolate fast. No chocolate whatsoever. No chocolate sundaes, no chocolate ice cream, no chocolate milkshakes, no chocolate whatsoever.

Then two months later she told me I could have chocolate again and gave me a Snickers crunch bar. I stared at it and said "no thank you."

I was an addict cured and I didn't want chocolate after that. Not even a little bit. it got to the point where I would have it, maybe once a month, and that was it, but even that was rare. I didn't even like the taste of chocolate in my mouth.

So of course it's funny to me that I am engaged to a man who loves chocolate. And of course my body would start to remind me of the joy of eating chocolate, but I will not give in. Not even a little bit.

Daniel can have the chocolate and I can have Daniel.

That's a good compromise in my book.