Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Why I Dislike Chocolate

I was six the first time I can remember going on a chocolate binge.

My school was selling "World's Finest Chocolate" and my biological mom was in love with the chocolate bars.

I didn't understand her obsession.

Skittles? Yes. M&M's? Yes. Now & Later's? Yes. But just chocolate? No, hard candy shell?

Eww...gross.

That's what I thought until I tried a piece of that first candy bar.

Oh man...*shivers* I knew why they were titled "World's Finest Chocolate" because it was fracking incredible (I'm using fracking instead of fucking.....sometimes).

That night when the biologicals had gone to bed, I ate every. Single. Candy bar.

There were like 25 in the box. My biologicals had only bought 5. So I ate 20 chocolate bars. $20 worth.

I took the whipping (more often termed beating, spanking, etc) to my ass with a wide, chocolate grin on my face. I didn't even get sick the next day.

But my love affair with chocolate...my obsession with it, had begun.

I went to school everyday with a bag of peanut M&Ms, a Snickers bar, a Butterfinger, a Kit-Kat bar, and a Crunch bar.

Every day.

When I turned 19, I was living in Pensacola and attending seminary school (yes, I attended seminary-I'm actually an ordained pastor-I bet that school wishes they could take that back) and still obsessed with chocolate. I was engaged to be married to a deuschebag (although at the time I didn't know he was one) and I weight 115 pounds and I was 5'8".

Yeah, I was uber skinny.

Anyway, my friend Esther and I were talking and as we talked I ate bag after bag, candy bar after candy bar of chocolate. The conversation was about how I didn't know where all of my money was going.

Smart, right?

Esther looked at me then at the chocolate then back at me. And then said "Vee...babe, I think you need to cut down on the chocolate."

I looked at her in shock, dismay, horror and then suspicion. She just wanted all of the chocolate for herself!

"Um...no."

That was my response. She looked at me and then went and grabbed all of my chocolate that she could find and then we sat down and calculated how much chocolate I ate every day and how much I spent every month on chocolate.

I shit you not when I tell you I was spending about $200 a month on chocolate.

Just on chocolate people.

I knew I had a problem then and there was no "Chocoholics Anonymous," so Esther did the next best thing.

She sort of became my "Chocolate Dom." She told me that I couldn't have chocolate for a while. When I asked her when I could have chocolate again she said "I'll tell you when." That was it. No clue as to the length or anything.

So I went on a chocolate fast. No chocolate whatsoever. No chocolate sundaes, no chocolate ice cream, no chocolate milkshakes, no chocolate whatsoever.

Then two months later she told me I could have chocolate again and gave me a Snickers crunch bar. I stared at it and said "no thank you."

I was an addict cured and I didn't want chocolate after that. Not even a little bit. it got to the point where I would have it, maybe once a month, and that was it, but even that was rare. I didn't even like the taste of chocolate in my mouth.

So of course it's funny to me that I am engaged to a man who loves chocolate. And of course my body would start to remind me of the joy of eating chocolate, but I will not give in. Not even a little bit.

Daniel can have the chocolate and I can have Daniel.

That's a good compromise in my book.

13 comments:

  1. I think that is better than a compromise :)

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  2. Holy crap, Vic, that's a lot of chocolate! So you're saying I shouldn't get you chocolate as a gift ever? ;)

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  3. I think you're right Brahmin. Greatest compromise ever.

    Patty, if you get me chocolate, I'm giving it to Daniel, so you might as well just give it to him.

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  4. But if I give him the chocolate that's like being nice to him. XD

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  5. Do you know the torment he likes to put me through? It was his favorite past time before meeting you! I should be thanking you for distracting him from tormenting me. =|
    ;)

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  6. Better compromise... you can eat off chocolate off each other. LOL!

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  7. Vic!!! Congratulations on your books, dear! *sigh* You guys are out to kill me, aren't you? So MANY good books!

    XX

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  8. Lol. You realise that once I'm over there, you will find chocolate lying all over the place, right? That said, I don't actually eat that much of it. I probably have a chocolate bar every weekday now because at work the canteen isn't open during my breaks, and with having lunch at 1pm and then not getting home til 9pm, I have to put up with the stupid vending machine to keep me going until I get home and have my dinner. But normally I'd just have one every few days.

    I do love chocolate, and I will make you enjoy it with me... even if it's only a small bite of my chocolate bar. I'll make sure you don't go getting addicted again because NO-ONE touches my chocolate *hoards it all in his arms and glares at anyone who gets too close*

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  9. LOL Daniel. I will have only one really small piece...once a month and that's it. The rest you can have.

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  10. Thanks Brahmin, btw. I'm so excited and shocked.

    And Daniel, we really need to do something about your eating at work. That's unacceptable to me. I mamy have to come by there and give your boss/supervisors a piece of my mind.

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  11. Damn that is a lot of chocolate. Mind you I'm not much better when it comes to sweets. But thing is I've got to cut back now or else my partners are going to tan my hide. (I wouldn't mind them spanking me though would be nice as long as they know when I've had enough! LOL)

    I don't know if any of my partners have a sweet tooth like I do but I do know they worry about me where I am sure I have a sugar level problem. ~Hugs~ Congrats on the books Big Bro and remember I'm waiting for all your other books! ~Snickers softly and hugs once again~ When Daniel gets there I am pretty sure you are NEVER going to see chocolate the same way hmm perhaps. Talk to you soon!

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