What About My Voice?

I'm a singer.

It's something that I know I've stated on here before, but of course I have yet to put up any posts of me singing. Not because I don't want to but because my computer's recording sucks ass. Plus my microphone makes me sound like a robotic chicken (according to Daniel).

But I sing around the house, while I'm writing, taking a shower, cooking, and of course, when I'm listening to music.

But with the T-shots my voice is going to get deeper.

And I have to wonder if my voice is going to change.

Will I still be able to sing like I do now? How deep is my voice actually going to get?

So what about my voice?

It may sound shallow to worry about that, especially in light of everything else that could go wrong, but I love my singing voice.

I will be really sad if I lose it.

Especially since I have a reason to sing again.

I Feel Pretty, and Witty, and GAY!!! & Happy Feet 2

So here in my new adopted family it is not unheard of for one of us to break out into a random song....okay, okay, it's usually me.

The other day, however, the Nieceling let me know that if I was going to break out into song that I HAD to sing:

I feel pretty.  Oh so pretty.  I feel pretty, and witty, and GAY!!

It was hilarious and we all laughed really hard, but that night when I went to bed I had to be honest with myself.

I feel plenty witty.  I'm an author, so wittiness is like a pre-requisite.

I also feel plenty gay.  I mean...DUH!  And being here in NY there seems to be a bountiful amount of beautiful gay boys for me to flirt with.

It's that pretty thing that chokes me up.

You see, I can't remember the last time I actually looked at myself in the mirror.  I pretty much make it a point NOT to do so.

I know you're wondering why.

Because in my head, I'm Vic, but physically I'm still Vee and it's heartbreaking for me.  I hate looking in the mirror and expecting to see a man but only seeing a female.  As a matter of fact, I've but my hair twice in the last month, it's now to the middle of my cheeks and today was the first day that someone said to me "Excuse me sir."  I grinned so wide when that happened.

But you know what?  I still don't look in the mirror.  I avoid them with extreme fervor and that's nothing on going out in public and having to use the restroom and having to force myself to go into the women's bathroom because I don't want to cause a problem.

But today I went out with the Nieceling and my older adopted sister to see a free prescreen of Happy Feet 2 and I was blown away by how awesome this movie is.  The story line was excellent, but the lessons that ran rampant through the whole movie was even more amazing (there is even a gay couple in the movie.  Will and Bill Krill. Bill: "We can have our own swarm"  Will: "We're both men."  Bill: "We can adopt.").

Realizing that everyone is different but that means that everyone is special.  That sometimes people will pick on your differences but that you have to find that something strong inside of you that will help you to stand up in the face of that bullying (think: "It Gets Better.").  But the greatest lesson: The very thing that makes you different and special, makes you beautiful and gives you the strength and power that you need to overcome any obstacle and any challenge.

And I wish I could tell you that I came home and stared at myself in the mirror and told myself that I'm a pretty gay boy, but I'd be lying and you all know I'm very brutally honest, especially with myself.

No, I still can't really face that reflection that doesn't show what I feel and see on the inside, but I can tell you that I have realized that the very thing that made my family turn their backs on me, the very thing that made me lose friends, the very thing that drove me to move all the way from Florida to New York, is the very thing that makes me special, that makes me different.

It's the very thing that makes me beautiful.

And one day I'm going to be able to face my image and see Vic and not some strange mixture of Vic & Vee or just Vee and I'm going to smile broadly, square my shoulders and sing at the top of my lungs:

I FEEL PRETTY! OH SO PRETTY! I FEEL PRETTY, AND WITTY AND GAY!!!

And I'm going to mean it.

The New Love of my Life: The Pentatonix from The Sing-Off

I am in love with Scott from the Pentatonix from NBC's "The Sing-Off".  But that whole group is SICK and their vocal talent is amazing and miraculous and seriously, I get turned on and a major Vic hard on every time I listen to them sing.  So I am sharing their videos so you all can share my obsession.  Scott is the blonde haired leader, so you guys know who my future partner and father of my unborn children is going to be.  He and I are going to live in happy gay bliss forever and ever, he just doesn't know it yet.  LOL.













And this one is the one where I get a Vic hardon....like all the time.  It's playing on repeat right now....

Hello

So at the urging and insistence of family and friends, I have decided to create a blog. Something completely different than what I would normally do. I would usually take up a ton of space talking about world issues and controversies, and while I'll still give my "two cents" on those things, I'm also going to put up samples of my writing, videos of me acting or monologuing, pictures of my art...Pretty much just letting you guys get a chance to know who I am. The real me. I've been somewhat missing for a few years, lost in my attempts to become that perfect...something, for everyone. There's something so liberating when you finally decide to live for yourself.

So anyway, some quick background information on me...I am one of six children from my father, my mother's eldest of four. I am a former Army soldier, an aspiring actress, writer, singer and businesswoman. Yeah...I'm kind of a jack-of-all-trades. I love watching The History Channel, Comedy Central, HGTV, and Lifetime. I jokingly tell people that my heart is Italian, because of my love for the food, culture, history, and lifestyle of the people of Italy. I am eccentric when it comes to my television watching habits. My current favorite television show is "Criminal Minds." I have watched "A Different World," "Remember the Titans," "California Dreams," and "Legally Blonde" so much that I have every show/line memorized, much to my family and friends' dismay.

I'm a walking contradiction. I am a free-spirited woman who thrives on rules and regulations. I'm a spontaneous planner. One of the biggest contradictions is the fact that I don't want to get married, I've actually sworn off dating/relationships/marriage, BUT I want to have a wedding! (I know, how weird is that?) I love making people laugh, but I don't consider myself a comedian, I love to write and act and sing and while I want to make a living doing those things, they are all just a means to an end, my deepest desire is to save the world. I know, it's a tall order, but there are non-profit organizations, charities and group homes that I want to start and you have to have a couple million/billion dollars to truly make them effective, so what better way to fund them than by using my talent to do so?

My life is not easy, my thoughts are not your usual run-of-the mill thoughts, I think outside of the box, I'm blunt, I'm open, I share freely. I'm happily, contentedly, and devotedly single and there's only one man that can change that: Shemar Moore and seeing as how he doesn't know I exist, there's no danger of my status ever changing (and that's how I like it).

Anyway welcome to "Whisper of Longing", a glimpse into my world, my life, my talent, my hopes, my dream and our generation.