I am angry with you.
I am livid.
I wish you were in front of me so I could kick your ass.
What the fuck were you thinking?
You weren't thinking.
You cheated on your husband.
You put him in danger with your actions.
Worse than that you put yourself in danger.
I just went through this with Justin.
Every day I worry about Richard.
And now I get to add you to the list.
I'm not trying to make this about me.
Lord knows, I've already been told once before that I make everything about me and that is not something that I ever want to hear again, but I am furious.
Because you did this.
You cheated, you lied, you did the very thing that you always cautioned all of us to never do and now, now, a year and a half after I lost one best friend to AIDS, I have to face the possibility that I just might lose another one because he has HIV.
I don't blame James for just looking at you. I know that if you were here that's all I would do as well.
What am I supposed to say to you?
How do you want me to react?
I hate this disease. I hate that it keeps taking people from me. I hate that it seems to be around me, choking off my air supply, cutting off my legs from underneath me.
You were supposed to be there when I finally got my Happily Ever After.
You were supposed to be there when I got my surgeries, got married, had kids and started my group home.
We were supposed to grow old together.
And now I have to look into treatments again. Now I have to face the mortality of a friend again.
Now I have to remind myself that you're human and you make mistakes and you won't live forever.
I am furious with you.
I still love you, but I could kick your ass right now.