Gentleman. Young lady. Handsome man. Beautiful woman. Sexy guy. Nice lady.
I get called these things on an almost daily basis, usually dependent on what the speaker is doing. If they look at my face or hear my voice then they get the pronoun correct, but a few inches down from my face and...
WARNING! This dude has breasts!
Even with a binder...a tight binder that almost cuts off my circulation, they still attract attention. Big t-shirts, jackets, and still it happens.
When I was trying to live as a woman, I was happy the day my boobs grew in, though privately I bound them with ACE bandages, because it made my biological mother happy. "You finally look like a woman!"
Yeah. Thanks Mom.
So now the fact that the thing I'd prayed for in order to make the biologicals happy is now hindering me from making myself happy seems very...ironic.
It's also very frustrating. So much so that I have started having dreams of giving myself a mastectomy. Especially on days like today when I have guys licking their lips as they look at them and then jumping in shock when they hear my deep voice or see LBV tenting the front of my jeans.
Why yes, that is my cock. It's 12inches long and 2.5 inches wide, wanna sit on it?
So what's my plan of action? Do I grab Cherie's large knife and cut off the fun bags that fill the front of my shirts, even with the binder on, myself? Do I tell Brandi that having them there is seriously wreaking havoc with my mental state? Or do I do like I did today and look the guy or gal in the eye and using my "Barry-White-In-Training" voice say, "Don't let the boobs fool you, I'm all man"?
Either way something needs to change and soon.
I'm not normal, I love being different, and it's one of the sexiest things about me...next to my creative brain and "Lil' Big Vic".
No H8
Just be you Vic. Your "fun bags" don't make you who you are. They are just there. Now to those who get the pronoun wrong well watch there eyes as you shock them with the voice and LBV. If they don't get the pronoun right then guess they are trying to fool themselves into believing that they can change what is.
ReplyDeleteYour amazing big brother. Just keep your head held high. Those who can't get the pronoun right will learn or they will stay stuck in their own made up little world of denial. ~Big hugs and kisses~
Big hugs honey. If you've started having those kind of dreams then I think you need to tell Brandi about them.
ReplyDeleteTake care & look after yourself.
Dear, dear Man,
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the frustration you must feel every hour of every day being trapped in the body that no longer speaks of who you are!! And so, for me to say I understand would actually be insulting to you...but this I do know..
You are the sum of the inner man---your beauty, your masculinity comes from deep within you--and that is what we see---we see a man of valor, a man of dignity...a loving man who stands heads ad shoulders above the rest!
SO dear, dear man...today when you look in the mirror please see what we see---a man whom we love dearly!!
Definitely talk to Brandi about this! It may be time to do some research and planning...
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone. I talked to Brandi and now we meet every week and there have been some consultation requests put in. For a psychiatrist. The VA can't pay for the mastectomy, but if the psychiatrist states that I need it, they might pay for half. Maybe...
ReplyDelete