So, since today is Angel's birthday I was all geared up to write him a birthday post. Then he reminded me that it's the 9th year anniversary of when I got ordained as a pastor.
*waits patiently for the cries of shock and dismay to die down*
Yes, people. I am an ordained pastor. Geez. I attended seminary school back in Florida and it was unlike any other seminary that I've ever heard of. Not everything was Scripture, praying, ministry, condemning others and falling out "in the Spirit." We had classes like every other college, but it was the activities that went on when class was over that were by far the most interesting. And like most things in life, I didn't get slowly introduced to them, I was shoved into the smexy, "illicit" underground of my seminary college.
So I decided to share with you all about my first day in seminary.
The First Day of Seminary
Classes started with a big assembly. We were all in one big room, the biggest classroom/meeting room at seminary and it was there that we were welcomed to seminary. We were all told to go around and introduce ourselves to fifteen people that we didn't know. It was during this time that people were already making "special connections." It was also here that I met *"Timothy." Timothy was from Mississippi. Tall, muscled, strawberry blond hair, blue eyes with the most gorgeous smile that I've ever seen on a man before and since. I felt something in me react to that smile.
That smile got me into a lot of trouble.
Timothy introduced me to a lot of his friends, they were all second years and I was only a first year. They all invited me to hang out with them when classes were over. I agreed, glad to know that I was making friends already. They all lived in the dorms and I had my own apartment and had I known what was involved in "hanging out" I would have invited them back to my place.
My first class was Survey of the Old Testament and having attended Hebrew school as a kid there wasn't much that I expected to learn from that class. I mean...that was what I'd studied. It was only because of that reason I was able to let my eyes wander around the Orange (yes, the place that the classes met were all named after colors. How did they come up with those colors? You guessed it, whatever color the carpets and the fabric on the chairs were. Inventive right?) and see what I saw.
While my professor droned on about the Torah, the Pentateuch, the Prophets, etc. I watched two of the males in my class passing notes, their fingers lingering over each other's hands as they did so. I knew what was going on there. Hell, my best friends were gay, and by this point I'd had LBV (Lil' Big Vic) for a number of years and had fucked many a guy with it. I knew that those guys were gay, but what were they doing in seminary? Especially in the seminary where we were, a church and a school that were not shy about telling homosexuals that they were going to hell (I'm not proud that this was the seminary that I went to, but this was my attempt to make my bio father proud of me). So I let my eyes wander away from them, determined not to give them away, and not to be too obvious, when I saw another girl, one whom I knew was engaged, sitting next to her fiance's best friend. Wait...she wasn't sitting, she was moving and sort of bouncing...why was she bounc-oh! I couldn't see the friend's other hand, but I was pretty sure that he was fingering her, right there in the middle of class.
I turned my attention back to my professor. Where the hell was I? I felt like I was back at WHHS where students were hooking up behind the backs of the teachers. But, this was a seminary school. A "Christian" college. Already, in my first class my view of seminary was being rocked and completely torn apart. I was no longer scared of not fitting in. Hell, I could be undercover with the best of them. I knew how to play this game. The perfect "religious" person in public, sneaking around to do my dirty stuff behind the backs of my elders.
I was a pro at being in the closet.
I got through my classes with a smirk on my face. Taking notes, not only on the lesson plans but on who was passing notes to who, who sat in the back of the classrooms, who got up to go to the bathroom around the same time and who sat next to whom. When classes ended for the day, I was already on my large Nokia cell phone calling Angel and Justin to tell them that they'd fit in at seminary and there was no cause for them to be concerned about my personality dying away being filled with Scripture. Now don't get me wrong. Not everyone was making assignations for a later time. There were some who were actually there to become non -hypocritical pastors, ministers and missionaries. But I didn't hang around them. I watched them from afar as they watched me.
When my last class ended I walked over to the recreational building and stepped inside to see a pool table and a small coffee/library area. Smiling, I headed over to the pool table. It was there that I met *Bruce. Bruce was from Wales. He had a gorgeous accent, was taller than me, had gorgeous, thick, wavy brown hair and green eyes. When he looked up at me, I felt my heart stutter in my chest. Bruce was playing pool and he slammed the tip of his cue stick into the cue ball causing it to hit the eight ball, making that black ball slide straight into the corner pocket, right in front of where I was standing. When that ball sank into the bottom of the pocket I felt it resonate through my entire body. My hands started sweating, my nipples got hard, my heart started pounding and I wanted to bend over the pool table and ask Bruce to sink his stick into my hole. Collecting the money that he'd won, without ever taking his eyes off of me, Bruce pulled apart his custom made cue stick and placed it back into its case before sauntering over to me.
"Hey. My name's Bruce," he said.
"V-V-Vee. My friends call me Vee or Vic or Vee-Vee," I stammered out.
"So which do you prefer?" he asked stepping closer.
I lifted my head so that my eyes could stay connected to his. "Ummm...I don't care."
"What if I called you something totally different from everyone else. What's your whole name?"
"How about Roni or Tory?"
"I-I-I like Roni."
"Okay Roni. That's what I'm going to call you."
"Do you stay here in the dorms Roni?"
"N-no. I have an apartment off campus."
"Maybe I'll come by and visit you one day?"
I nod vigorously. "I'd like that."
Our conversation was cut short by the appearance of Timothy. He reminded me that I'd promised to hang out with him and his friends. With a wave to Bruce, and a promise to let him teach me how to play pool one evening, I went off with Timothy to his room.
When I stepped into Timothy's dorm room, I was shocked at what I saw. There were five couples. One of which was the two guys from my first class, all kissing and drinking. When I turned to look at Timothy he merely grinned at me.
"As long as we don't have sex with each other we're okay. It's the penetration that's sinful, not the stuff leading up to it," he explained to me.
While I knew that his reasoning was flawed, I shrugged and accepted the beer that was pressed into my hand. Sitting on the floor I asked Timothy if this was what he meant by "hanging out." He nodded. I asked him if he were a virgin and he blushed and nodded again. Raising my voice I asked how many virgins were in the room. Everyone except for me and the two other gay boys in the room raised their hands. I nodded my head again and told them to carry on.
After ten minutes of drinking and unabashed voyeurism, I turned to Timothy and asked him if this was how they studied too. He shook his head.
"Studying is one couple alone. Hanging out is everyone, so that we can keep each other accountable. The only people who study together are the ones who are courting or already engaged."
I nodded before turning to him and throwing a leg over lap and straddling him. I knew that was why I'd been invited to hang out with them. For him. For Timothy and while Timothy was no Bruce, he was still hot. So I smiled at him and said, "Let's hang out then," before kissing him deeply with tongue.
I know that Timothy wasn't expecting me to be so forward, to take charge, but he didn't really know me.
By the time he graduated and became ordained he knew me a whole lot better (Bruce did as well), by the time I became ordained, Timothy was almost an expert on me.
But that's a story for another day.
*End of projection*
-Vicktor Aleksandr B