Thursday, December 29, 2011

Dear Justin

Dear Justin,

Did you know I got through yesterday without breaking down?

I didn't have a massive freakout.

I didn't break down in the middle of my therapy session and rage at the heavens that my best friend had been taken away from me because of AIDS and stupidity.

But today....the day after the 1year anniversary of your I feel like I'm walking through a cloud. A haze.

I just realized that you were probably behind that nightmare that I had last night. You never were subtle about reminding me of what my true purpose is on this earth: Honey, you were created to clean up all the bullshit that everyone else puts out there. You're going to save the world. That's why you're here. It's your main purpose.

Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for loving me when you were alive. Thank you for loving me from beyond the grave. Thank you for leading me to Daniel, because I totally think that you and Christopher had something to do with that.

Thank you for being my friend. For being the unrequited love of my life (See? If you had only waited, I would have figured it out and been the gay man you always wanted me to be. But then I wouldn't have Daniel...does it make me selfish that I'm glad to have him?).

Thank you for telling me to make sure that I tell your story. Your story has changed lives. Saved lives. People are getting tested after reading about you. People are staying healthy. And because of you, I'll never stop talking about the horror of AIDS, of not being safe, of not being tested.

Because of you, I remembered why I'm here.

I'm going to save the world. Thank you my friend. I miss you and love you every day, but I know that you're looking down on me from above.

Save me a seat? Preferably next to Frank Sinatra....

Love You Always and Forever,

Vicktor Alesandr B.


  1. Vic,

    First and foremost--my love to you. I lost my dear friend Kurt to AIDS almost 2 years a go now. I miss him daily. When I am struggling in the dark, I walk this trail by my house and "talk" with him. Somehow, someway, I always feel better--so, dear man, my heart goes out to you.


  2. Thank you Sammy. You know, I felt myself getting really sad and testy with everyone. I mean everyone was getting on my nerves and I didn't know why and then I realized why. Justin was very much my soul mate and I miss him every day, but I love knowing that he's touching people's lives even in the hereafter. I'm sorry about your friend Kurt. I think that when I move into my house with Daniel I'll do your "trail" thing.

    Thanks for commenting.

  3. Vic, thanks for your beautiful post. Yes, I believe you're going to save the world. At least enlighten them. And screw those people who refuse to be enlightened!


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