Did you know I got through yesterday without breaking down?
I didn't have a massive freakout.
I didn't break down in the middle of my therapy session and rage at the heavens that my best friend had been taken away from me because of AIDS and stupidity.
But today....the day after the 1year anniversary of your death....today I feel like I'm walking through a cloud. A haze.
I just realized that you were probably behind that nightmare that I had last night. You never were subtle about reminding me of what my true purpose is on this earth: Honey, you were created to clean up all the bullshit that everyone else puts out there. You're going to save the world. That's why you're here. It's your main purpose.
Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for loving me when you were alive. Thank you for loving me from beyond the grave. Thank you for leading me to Daniel, because I totally think that you and Christopher had something to do with that.
Thank you for being my friend. For being the unrequited love of my life (See? If you had only waited, I would have figured it out and been the gay man you always wanted me to be. But then I wouldn't have Daniel...does it make me selfish that I'm glad to have him?).
Thank you for telling me to make sure that I tell your story. Your story has changed lives. Saved lives. People are getting tested after reading about you. People are staying healthy. And because of you, I'll never stop talking about the horror of AIDS, of not being safe, of not being tested.
Because of you, I remembered why I'm here.
I'm going to save the world. Thank you my friend. I miss you and love you every day, but I know that you're looking down on me from above.
Save me a seat? Preferably next to Frank Sinatra....
Love You Always and Forever,
Vicktor Alesandr B.