Tuesday, December 6, 2011

"Has He Seen You?"

I love well-meaning people sometimes.

Sometimes they make you think about something that you never considered before.

A well-meaning person asked me if I was transgender.

A well-meaning person asked me if I was a Dom.

A well-meaning person asked me if I needed to move away from Florida.

A well-meaning person asked me if I wanted to sing more than I wanted to act.

A well-meaning person told me that I should make writing my career.

A well-meaning person told me that I should follow my instincts and my feelings and pursue Daniel.

Sometimes they make you want to either cause yourself physical harm...or them.

A "well-meaning" person got on a thread in a group and grilled and interrogated me in an effort to "understand" and then didn't care that I was so hurt and traumatized I lay around in a daze for two weeks following that.

A "well-meaning" person contacted the biologicals to tell them who I was living with when I was still in Florida and that lead to my "exorcism."

A "well-meaning" person called to tell me about what my biologicals was doing with my stuff and my puppy, even though they knew I'd just gotten out of the hospital for costochondritis and didn't need to be stressed.

A "well-meaning" person said that at this "point" in my life that Daniel was too good for me and that I should let him find someone else.

A "well-meaning" person slandered and insulted a family (new family) member of mine, to my "face" (it online) and tried to tell me that they were doing it for my "own good."

But here's the clencher:

A friend of mine, R, that I've known since freshman year of high school asked me if I was sure that Daniel had seen a picture of me and if I was positive that Daniel knew I was trans*, because while he wasn't "saying" that I was "ugly", he was saying that I "look like a chick" and "isn't Daniel gay?"

I don't know if it's because I was tired and when I'm tired I always tend to be a little more sensitive in certain areas, I don't know if it's because I've always been a little "touchy" about my looks, or if it's the fact that when it comes to being with a gay man when I'm transitioning is already something I'm so emotionally exposed about, but when R said this, I felt like I'd been punched in my stomach. So much so that I for a moment started to think that maybe he was right.

Only for a moment, because just like that I remembered conversations, tweets, blog posts, candid, private IMs where Daniel and I talked about everything.

And while I'm not 100% right now, I'm not the 10% mass of insecurity I was just over two hours ago.

So when it comes to well-meaning people, take their advice and their statements with one hand on your shield to deflect the bullshit and one hand ready to receive the good stuff.

Then you won't have to spend 2 hours on Youtube watching videos of Lucas Teague to cheer you up when you could be sleeping.

-Vicktor Aleksandr


  1. Glad to know that he didn't totally get to you. Just look at it this way - I'm smarter than like 98% of the UK's population... maybe more. There'd have to be something very wrong for me to not have figured out something that you've never kept a secret. But I'm still here despite all that, and I'm not going away. You're gonna have to pry me away with a crowbar :P

  2. Well this well-meaning person thinks it's fab that not only are you living your truth but you're in a great new relationship.

  3. Thanks Luci. Got your voicemail, btw. I'll call you tomorrow when I'm not still angry.

    Daniel, baby, I'm not going to be prying you away I'm going to be getting some super glue adhesive shit and making this thing permanent so you can't get away.

  4. Sorry that some well-meaning people in your life seem to have their heads stuck up their asses, Vic. Here's hoping that they can get that fixed soon.


  5. OH, do I want to know what your bio family did to the puppy?

    Also, I'm a well-meaning person and if I ever say something insensitive you can smack me.

  6. Thanks CJ!! And Patty, you know I'd just give you the look.


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