He told me he's not sure when he's coming back and I can't say that I blame him with everything that happened on Monday night. I haven't spoken about it because I'm trying to forget the tears in his eyes as he asked me why his family couldn't love him, why they didn't love him. I can still feel him shaking in my arms. I don't cry much and Vic isn't overly emotional but we've both been sniffling for the past two days, him because of what happened and me because I couldn't be there to help him.
And now he's leaving for a whole week and I will pretty much have to go without hearing his loud laughter when he's watching one of his favorite shows, hearing him yell at the people on "Criminal Minds" as he tells them who the killer is (they're called something special but I can't remember what), I won't hear his beautiful voice singing or see his sexy ass shaking. Worst of all I have a whole week of no sex, no petitions for me to sign as he tries to save the world and no "test runs" of chapters and sex scenes for his books.
I hate that he's leaving for a week, but he believes and I agree that when he gets to New Orleans that his life is going to start changing for the better. Whether it's through meeting an author, a publisher or meeting a person who changes it, I know he's going to come back changed. And I'm excited to see that change.
So in preparation of his leaving I have been doing all I can to make sure he knows that he will be missed. This also helps because right now he's so fragile that it's hard to see and thank you to those of you who offered to step in and be his family, I watched him cry as he read the comments to me, heard the sweet comments he made about each of you. I heard him try to think of some way to show you all how much he appreciated it all. So I have doted on him and shown him how amazing he is and how he's not an abomination or a mistake or a disappointment, that he deserves love and that someone will love him, because while he told you all what happened he didn't share the hurtful things, the lies, that they told him.
I will miss him like hell but I am encouraging him to go, even though he almost changed his mind because I want him to be happy, to be supported and encouraged, to be surrounded by people who will not make him feel like anything less than the amazing MAN that he really is.
I'll miss you baby, but I'm happy that you have the chance to go.