Saying I Love You

Jack and I were laying in the bed, sweaty, gasping for breath, sticky...(oh yeah, we had a very wild, extreme time, there's a dent in the wall from my shoulders.  LOL), my heart was racing  and I had the biggest shit-eating grin on my face because...damn....it was good!!  When Jack rolls over and looks at me.  He looks all serious and I sort of smile up at him because after that type of workout, you can't do anything but smile.  He touches my chin, kisses my lips and then....

Jack: So you know I love you right?

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!  I swear I just sort of blinked at him and then sat up really fast, my forehead connected with his, we both grabbed our heads, I have obscenities flowing out of my mouth and he's laughing.  Then we both just sort of stopped.  He grins at me.

Jack: You know I love you right?
Me: Why do you keep saying that?
Jack: Saying what?
Me: That you love me.
Jack: Because I do.
Me: You can't though.
Jack: Why not?
Me: Because we haven't even KNOWN each other that long!!
Jack: Wait, so you're putting a time restriction on my feelings for you too?  What the hell Vic!  You don't get to tell me what I can and cannot feel, for Christ's sake!

So I'm feeling pretty shitty and confused and inexplicably upset.  So I, of course, have a chick moment and start crying, yep with my strap on around my waist and everything.  LOL.  So Jack gets off the bed and comes over to where I'm standing and crying and puts his arms around me.

Me: Did you just say that because of what happened with my family?
Jack: (chuckles) No.  I wanted to say it before that even happened, but I didn't want you to freak out on me or anything.
Me: (hit him on the arm) Shut up fucker.
Jack: Hey now, sometimes I'm the fuckee.
Me: (laughing) Oh man that's just corny.
Jack: Well, I have to match my quota of corny jokes with yours.
Me: I do NOT make corny jokes!  I'm fucking hilarious!
Jack: No, you were fucking Jack, you weren't fucking hilarious.

So I burst out laughing because Jack was obviously in one of his silly moods and I love it when he gets like that.  He picks me back up and carries me back over to the bed because after a rigorous bout of hot JV sex (Jack & Vic sex) my hip and back are screaming in pain.  We lay back down on the bed and I'm still laughing a little bit.  When I stop he looks down at me and I just know he's going to say it again and I was right.

Jack: So you know I love you right?
Me: (nods) Yeah, and I love you too.
Jack: Good.
Me: Fabulous.
Jack: (looks away for a bit then looks back at me) Want to go again?
Me: Hell yeah!

Then we celebrated the fact that I'd stopped being a chicken shit and said it back.

I sort of freaked out today because dammit it's going to suck even worse now to say "goodbye" but thankfully Kate, my older online sister talked me off of the proverbial emotional ledge and said "You know that the goodbye is coming but don't spend the next few months worrying about it because then you won't be able to enjoy this time."

And she was right.  So I'm happy that I said "I love you" to this amazing man who sometimes I'm afraid to even sleep beside for fear that I'll wake up and find out that it's all just a dream, but I'm going to enjoy this time.

And keep on saying "I love you."