Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Porno Dialogue and Diatribes

Vic and I were watching a porno last night, it was a gay version of the Cinderella story (Falcon Studio's "Billy's Tale". Vic loves Falcon Studios) without the mice and the fat, singing, fairy godmother when Vic, in normal "Vee" fashion turns to me and says "Why don't we ever talk like that?" Now at first I had no idea what he was talking about. We talk. We talk a lot. If you have ever talked to Vic then you know what I'm talking about. Vic can talk, but he has this gift, this magical ability to make you talk back and before you know it you're curled up in a fetal position, shivering with emotion and sucking on your thumb as you pour out all of your secret fears. No? Just me? Alright then (can you tell who helped me with that sentence?).

The point is, Vic and I spend a lot of time talking. Vic is a firm believer in total and complete honesty. No holds barred. Spill your guts. A share everything type of relationship. He's not cruel, but he is blunt with his honesty and sometimes it hurts, but sometimes it makes you feel better or make you feel like you could do anything. But that's because he makes you talk. So when he asked me why we didn't talk, I had no idea what he was talking about. Then he pointed at the tv. "We don't ever talk like they do before we have sex or like Sammy and Robert do in 'On Fire'. We just sort of grunt and hiss and moan and yell out profanities."

I have to admit, this made me laugh. I wasn't laughing at Vic. Okay, maybe I was just a little. But mostly I was laughing because he is always so concerned that maybe he's missing something important when it comes to the whole "gay sex" thing. He and I have tried positions and ideas from books and movies that I must admit never even crossed my mind before, but it's because he doesn't want me to feel like I'm missing out because he's not "fully male" (a term that someone called him that has been lodged in his brain ever since).

I had to point out to him that no one really talks like they do in pornos and that in books the author can express the character's thoughts more through talking than if we were watching it in a movie.

But Vic is not one to be dissuaded. So, he decided that we would attempt to make our own porno, starring the two of us complete with dialogue and everything.

It was the funniest thing that I have ever done. I was trying not to laugh at how serious Vic was being about the whole thing and Vic, who used to be an actor/actress, was really getting into his character. We were the police officer and the concerned citizen, complete with handcuffs and billy club.

The script was good. And yes there was a script, Vic wrote it and printed it out. Halfway through the actual sex part of the movie when we were both struggling to remember to say "Oh my gosh you're the best I ever had!" or "Oh man you're so big, I feel so full," Vic stops me and says "Shut the fuck up Jack and just fuck me already."

We spent the rest of the time moaning and groaning and hissing and spanking and shouting out "Fuck!" and "Yes!" and my personal fave "Goddamnit Vic!"

When we had finished having the biggest orgasms of our relationship, so far, Vic turned and looked at me and he is trying to catch his breath and he says, "Damn. Pornos would be much better if the actors would just shut up and fuck sometimes."

So the dialogue and diatribes of pornos and romance books, they aren't representative of real life. Not all the time. Some people like to talk. I dated a guy who ran a verbal play-by-play the whole time we had sex (And now you're going to shove that big cock up my ass right? Oh yeah, you're going to put it in slowly), needless to say our relationship was very short lived. You can't watch those movies and read those books and then look at your own life and think that its lacking. Men in those books are oftentimes the fantasies of the writer, the sexual scenarios, believable, possible passionate interactions between the people involved.

If you have someone that can give you an erection or can get you "wet" and that same someone or someones gives you an orgasm or maybe they don't make you orgasm but its them you think about when you do orgasm, then don't suddenly think that you have to change your sex life to mirror what you see in the pornos and what you read in the books. You make sure your partner is or partners are satisfied and you are satisfied and you make it to where the movies and the books are copying you rather than the other way around.

And for godssake don't have any corny dialogue before sex, just get to fucking!


Jack

2 comments:

  1. I'm wondering if you were directing this at me or if this is a general post there Jackson........

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  2. Well as interesting as that was to read...VeeVee you are amazing and just plain loveable AND Jack TMI man TMI for gods sake as nice as that was to read (and funny in lots of ways) yikes ~Hides behind VeeVee~ Big Sis no more porno dialogue for Jack please he is scary when he gets to sharing it ALL....but at least it was interesting!

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