Sunday, September 11, 2011

America the Beautiful-Another 9/11 Memorial

I went to two different 9/11 memorials today.  One that my neighborhood had early this morning and then one on the military base.  The one my neighborhood had was very quiet, everyone just sort of stood around waving flags, holding lit candles as the H.O.A. president talked about what happened on 9/11 and how we still remember.

The one at the military base broke my heart and left me shattered.  I was asked to sing "America the Beautiful" and halfway through I burst into tears.  There were so many widows there, children without fathers or mothers, a few that lost both parents.  One little girl lost her father in Afghanistan and her mother in Iraq a few years later.  I thought about Meagan and Jay and Keith and all of the rest of my military friends who fought in the war and lost their lives.  That wasn't what broke me though.

I thought about my friend Justin and how he avoided the tragedy in New York, just because he decided not to go to that part of town that morning, how he could have died from that, only to die from AIDS at the beginning of this year.  I thought of the people who went to work the morning of September the 11th or went to the airport as if it were just another day.  The conversations that were never finished, the families that forgot to say "I love you" one last time, the people living with regret.  Then I thought about those of us who aren't really living at all.

The night before Christopher died I had a bad feeling in my gut that something tragic was about to happen, it was the same feeling I had the morning of the attacks, so I called him every 15 minutes saying "Just making sure you're still alive.  I love you.  Bye" until finally he stopped me and asked if I needed to talk.  I said yes and we talked for two hours.  We said "I love you" to each other and hung up.  I finally went to sleep after that, it was about 3 o'clock in the morning, I got the phone call from his mother at 9am that he'd passed away in his sleep.

A few days before Justin passed away we talked about all of the close calls that we'd all had with death.  The times we'd avoided going to a certain place only to find out that a shooting had occurred.  Times that we'd taken a different way home only to find out that a fatal accident had occurred.  Justin not going into the city on the morning of 9/11, Tiffany, not being on any of the planes and me, being injured 86 days before my deployment to Iraq, where some of my battle buddies were killed.  Then we looked at Justin, something so simple as not getting tested, having sex with his partner bareback for years, even though he knew that his partner was cheating on him, something as simple as that, killed him.

I thought about all of this as I sang and it made me cry.  How many of us take life for granted?  Take our relationships, our friendships, our loved ones, our partners, even our online friends and family for granted?  As if they were promised tomorrow?  As if WE were promised tomorrow?

Yes, 9/11 taught us about how strong our nation is, how powerful and courageous we can be if we stand together, how it feels to really be the UNITED States of America.  But more than that the attack on America on September 11, 2001 taught us, or rather it should have taught us, how fragile life is, how important it is to treasure every single moment that we have with each other.  To love each other as strongly and as fiercely as possible and to make sure that we end every conversation that we have with someone that we love with an "I love you."  So that we won't be standing at their funeral or them standing at ours saying "I just wish that I had told you I loved you one more time."

So remember that as we honor the fallen, the victims, the survivors, the troops, the first responders, and those of us who will never forget them.




  1. This made me cry VeeVee ~Hugs you tightly~ You my dear and all your friends and loved ones and everyone that has had this touch home and have had to feel it full force are strong...I love you hunny to death and I am glad we are friends. I am glad that you posted this and I am glad that there are some that still remember what this taught us truly taught us.

    Life is to short just to be living it you have to really live to say you lived life. To say you did something to say you have done something that has meaning.

    I am sorry you lost so many friends and sorry about Justin and what happened to him it is so sad that something so small but so big killed him.

  2. Aww honey, I didn't mean to make you cry, I just wanted to remind everyone of how much we should treasure each other and the true meaning behind 9/11. What it all truly meant. I was getting a little fed up to see some of the soldiers yelling out "Fuck yeah! America!! Strongest mother fucking country ever!" and then see them ignore their children when they were asking for affection. I was like "you're missing the point!" If we had another attack today and your child was killed, how would you feel that you didn't hug them one more time, that you didn't say I love you one more time?

    We do need to really live. It was why I came out to my family, even though I knew that they would probably kick me out and disown me. We have to live our truth and find love and hold onto love no matter what its packaging and then once we find that love we have to cherish it.

    Thank you for your condolences, especially about Justin, while all of the deaths that I've experienced were tragic, his was just senseless and could have been avoided. And to think of how he avoided the 9/11 tragedy which was horrible just to die to something else? *shakes head* Thank you though. I really do appreciate it.

    I told Matt and Brad and Thorny that I loved them today. LOL. I don't think that they've read or that they read my blog all that frequently so I think it might just freak them out a bit. *grin* That makes me laugh though.

  3. Chuckles softly~ They might just freak out hun...and it was a good cry VeeVee

  4. Yeah. I never ask them to read my blog or point out the ones where I talk about them. I get nervous about it, about their reactions. And I know that they'd be upset if they read this, about the people I've lost and stuff and blame it on Vic, but I don't like knowing that I'd be the source of any type of crying on their part. That's why I felt bad about you crying, even if it wasn't a bad cry.

  5. Aww hunny ~Squeezes you tight~ You are a sweet heart (Not to mention a toughy class act kinda person) but you know something you love them and I think they love you as well. (Not sure about that one because I don't talk a lot to them as of yet and they have busy every day lives that are all like EEKS)

  6. Yeah their lives are really busy and that's why I worry about pestering them or annoying them. It's why I try not to bother them about reading my blog or reading my stories or my books or whatever. And I do care about them, just like they really were my little brothers, just like I care about you, Kate, Sidney, and Luci and why I don't mind just popping up and giving words of encouragement, support, making them laugh, or giving them {HUGZ}. I know they appreciate that, they've all told me and I know I can't ask for more than that and I don't expect more than that. It's totally fine and to be honest, it gives me some freedom because I can wax poetic about how great they are and they'll never see or I can pour out the wounds of my soul and they'll never be affected or corrupted which makes me feel so much better. Although, I worry about the rest of you reading it.

    And thank you so much for your compliments. You are the sweetheart and a very, very special person. I don't really get compliments. I never really have and because of my injury I don't really have contact with anyone so coming online and talking with you or anyone else is a real treasure for me. So thank you again.

  7. I've just been reading your latest blog entries.... I'm sorry you lost so many friends. I'm thinking of you *hug*

  8. Thank you Katharina. It is unfortunately something that you become prepared for when you enlist in the service, especially when you do it during a time of war. I knew that I would lose a few, I think it just makes it harder because I wasn't there and I should have been.

    As far as Justin and Christopher? Well, yeah, their deaths hurt, bad, but I'm doing a lot better today than I was when it first happened.

    But thank you for your condolences.

  9. Worrying about us that do read it means you care hunny. I want to encourage you to keep writing keep being yourself and above all else I want to show that I support you and what your doing.

    I love seeing your point of view and I also enjoy reading the stories that I have seen you put up. I like the latest one because of the fact I LOVE wolf shifters always have always will. I also like M/M type stories I think they are great!

    Now that I started really reading back a little bit I see a lot of different things in your blog and I find you are an amazing talented person. Very caring and that is both as Vee and as Vic as well. You have a lot of soul and a lot of heart to give to people you love and care for. That just means that we want to be around you to see you do well for yourself. It's all you and I accept it and embrace that your always going to be yourself and your REAL with people and don't half ass things. Why should you half ass things? You shouldn't and you don't.

    ~Hugs and kisses coming your way~

  10. Thank you Lucy/Kat. For the compliments and for encouraging me. I have really been stressing out over my writing lately. Especially because a friend of mine told me to expand on the "Tate Pack Series": "Unthinkable" "Inconceivable" "Unassumed" "Impossible" etc. and to get them published through Lulu or whatever. So I've been doing that and I'm biting my lips like crazy, completely freaking over it.

    I try to stay real because I've had to lie about myself for so long. I'm embracing the real and living the truth, you know?

    I do care and I'm happy that you appreciate it and don't find it annoying or too intrusive.

    Now, I just need to figure out what to do about these t-shirt ideas that I am having and I'll be good.

  11. I understand perfectly. It is so hard to keep it all together when you have so much going on.


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