I had intended on making this a thank-you blog.
Thank you to Jack for writing that amazing blog post that I got surprised with when the first comment came rolling through my email notifications.
Thank you to those of you who commented.
Thank you to those of you who uplifted and encouraged me.
I was also going to talk about great friends and how I will never give up the fight for others.
That was before this afternoon.
Halfway through my different doctor appointments today I received a phone call from a very close friend of mine, who is like a sister to me, and she found out where I was. She was at the same hospital so we met up for lunch because she had something to tell me. I thought she was going to tell me that she was pregnant.
She instead showed me her bruised face and arms, pictures of her after a violent fight and I jokingly said "You got in a fight with someone?" She said,, "It looks that way doesn't it? But I don't actually remember what happened." When I asked her what she meant, she began to tell me, K. Ray, and Jack, who had met us up at the hospital for lunch about going to a friend's house on Friday and having said friend bring her drinks. About swimming in the pool with this guy and another girl and how that was the last full moment that she remembers. Then she told about the flashes of memories, being in the bathtub, waking up in bed, in a different house, wearing someone else's clothes, next to the other girl and the friend from before. She was battered and bruised and couldn't remember what had happened to her. The other girl was bruised as well.
My friend had been "roofied" or drugged and then raped.
Obviously for legal purposes I can't share her name, especially because she will be pressing charges, but this is something that has rocked me to my core. Not just because my friend was so violently assaulted, but also because I know the guy who drugged her and probably know the other guys who attacked her.
I can't write anything remotely creative. I am in a state of shock. My mind is filled with rage and despair. I'll be honest, I want to get revenge for my friend, I want blood to be spilled, I want someone in jail, I want them to be raped. After getting my friend squared away I told these things to Jack and he took the day off and I told him that I'm probably having flashbacks of when I was in this same situation.
Rape is horrible and the victims are never the same. Ever. And when you've been drugged and you can't remember seeing your attack, the violation of your person, the stealing of your spirit but you feel it in the fear, the paranoia, the shattered and broken emotions, the physical pain, the distrust, the feeling of victimization and the feeling that you're stupid to have let it happen, it's so much worse.
So, while this is lengthy, I wanted to let you all know that I won't be blogging for a while. I won't be tweeting and I won't be on GR leaving comments on threads or anything. I don't know when I'll be back, maybe when my mind settles, when I stop wanting to rail at the heavens and stop wanting to throw shit around the room because how could someone I know do this to someone that I care about? I'm hoping that I won't be gone long, but my friend needs me, I need Jack and I can't be my happy-go-lucky, wise adviser, brilliant writer, world-changer self right now. I feel broken and my friend feels worse.
So if you have my email address then I'll still be emailing, but other than that I won't be blogging, tweeting or commenting on blogs, GR or anything for a while.