Sunday, September 18, 2011

Why I Was in the Hospital Today

So today I had a really blonde moment.

Really, really blonde.

I took my pain meds this morning while talking to Jack, who was complaining about being at his folks's place alone when we could still be in bed together.  Without thinking about it, I took my diet pills 30 minutes later.

Why diet pills?

I did it without thinking.

Every two weeks I have this regiment of diet pills that I take, one every day because I aspire to be looking totally sexy when I get to New Orleans in October for the GayRomLit Retreat.

I usually mark it on my phone.  But last month we were dealing with that shit with my brother and I forgot to mark it and today I was so blasted tired that I didn't even remember that I'd taken my pain meds and you're really not supposed to mix those pills together.

So when my body started flushing hot, my stomach started roiling and my hands started shaking?  I knew that something bad had happened.  I just happened to still be on the phone with Jack.  He got really concerned and rushed over.  By this point my sisters were freaking out and I was a little also.

Because I used to be an addict as a teen and because of that I have to be careful when it comes to medications and pills.  I was rushed through the ER because I'm a Vet and I get "Speedy Care."  But I hate for people to know how stupid I can be sometimes.  So imagine how red my face got when the doctor asked me to tell him about what I'd been doing over the weekend and when I'd been taking.


Jack's face got really red.  I mean REALLY red.  And then the hospital psychiatrist came to ask me if I'd tried to commit suicide and I'd had to confess that no, I'd taken too many pills over the weekend because my new boyfriend and I had overdone it on the sex because it had been over a year since I'd last had sex and I just may have been too eager and not stopped even when my legs had swollen up.  Then as the doctor had to ask, with the stupid hospital psychiatrist in the room, about why the strap-on that I was wearing and if I'd had sex today.  So I was honest (it's a nasty little habit of mine), and told them that yes, I'd fucked my boyfriend this morning and he'd fucked me, and they'd looked at Jack with raised eyebrows and I told them that Jack was gay and then they looked at me.

And I cried.  I fucking cried.

With these stupid tears streaming down my face I explained to the doctors about me being bigender and about my family's reaction and how great Jack was and about the friends that had walked away and the horrible, horrible emails I'd been getting from friends and family members since I'd come out and the wonderful online family I had and how I wasn't trying to kill myself, I loved the life that I had now, but I am a wuss when it comes to pain and I really did want to look sexy when I went to New Orleans and that was the only reason I was taking the diet pills.

Then I stopped crying and just kept sniffling.  The doctors looked shock, Jack was holding my hand (I have no idea when he grabbed it) and I felt really embarrassed.  So the psychiatrist told me that my emotions were normal, I was pretty much experiencing what others experience when they come out and don't have positive reactions.  She cleared me, and the medical doctor flushed out my system.  It was horrible.

Then they pumped me with fluids to re-hydrate me and sent me home.  Jack brought me to his place, gave me a pair of his sweats, set me up on his couch and has sat on the other end watching me ever since.

I couldn't eat the pizza he ordered because it turned my stomach, so I had fruit and water.  My face is still flushing hot, but I had a fun few hours laughing with other M/M authors on Twitter because our accounts got hacked (stupid Conservative Republicans-LOL), and I'm actually feeling better.  Thankfully Jack is off of work tomorrow, although he has to take his brother to school, so I guess I'll sit around all day and let you all go off on me for mixing my meds and putting myself into the hospital.  *Sigh*

But man am I glad I'm out of there.


  1. VeeVee! oo ~Hugs you tight as she can even though she can't~ Do you know how damn scared I was that you were going to have to stay in there over night.

    No more diet pills your perfect the way you are you look sexy the way you are. I know for a fact because it's the you on the inside and outside as well that is sexy!

    You don't need any diet pills to make you look good. You already do look good. I bet that Jack thinks you look great as you are. I am glad he was there for you I am glad that your alright and I am more getting onto you about thinking you needed the diet pills to begin with. Your pain meds you need so I am not worried about you taking those but I am worried about you accidentally taking the pain meds and diet pills nearly at the same time. I honestly don't think you need the diet pills. That's just me though.

    Blonde day perhaps but you didn't do it on purpose you had me scared though and I can only imagine what was going through your sisters heads and Jack's.

    Don't you know how beautiful and wonderful you are VeeVee? I can't show you that except through here and what I write. You are amazing as yourself.

  2. Yeah Jack was upset with me when he found out what pills I'd mixed with my pain meds. He thinks I'm gorgeous and beautiful and sexy. He was scared and I hate that I did that to him. I hate that I scared you and Kate, who wrote me the shortest email ever.

    Thank you for the compliments and for being concerned. If Jack hadn't promised to watch over me I would have had to stay there overnight. If they'd thought I'd done it intentionally, I would have had to stay there overnight. If I had taken my next set of painkillers when I was supposed to? I would have overdosed and then been there for a week or more.

    I am so grateful to still be alive, to be okay and so grateful for Jack who didn't hesitate to take me to the hospital even though I protested. I have promised him three blowjobs as thanks whenever I can think about having a cock in my throat without vomiting, he said he'd be happy if I made it through the night. I promised that I would.

    He says to tell you thank you for caring and you're right he does think I look great as I am.


  3. First, I want to say that this shit happens. Those of us with pain, who take so many pill that we rattle when we walk-- we screw up sometimes. The pain messes with your head. The meds mess with your head. You're not a screw up. You're just living another one of your truths. An unfortunate truth, but a truth none the less. I'm just glad that there were people there to help you, and that you're (relatively) OK now.

    Second, I agree with Lucy/Kat. You are beautiful from the inside out. You don't need some stupid diet pills to be loved. Jack clearly thinks you're the shit, and everyone who will be lucky enough to meet you in NO will be thrilled because it's *you* and they've all been dying to meet you. Not because you're skinny. So please, take care of yourself and stop with the diet pills.

  4. {hugs you so tight} Honey you are beautiful - so please no more Diet pills. I hope you feel better now. I really got a shock today when I read you had to go to the hospital but I am glad everything is getting better now.
    But mixing your pain meds can happen, I have really, really bad migraine and very strong meds against it which I have to inject in my belly and I shouldn't mix them with my pills... I already did it twice, accidentally... So, I know it happens but please be careful. *hugs*

  5. {hugs you so tight} Honey you are beautiful - so please no more Diet pills. I hope you feel better now. I really got a shock today when I read you had to go to the hospital but I am glad everything is getting better now.
    But mixing your pain meds can happen, I have really, really bad migraine and very strong meds against it which I have to inject in my belly and I shouldn't mix them with my pills... I already did it twice, accidentally... So, I know it happens but please be careful. *hugs*

  6. So I was thinking and then I read your reply. I am glad your alive as well. I know exactly what I wanted to say last night and this morning well.

    Today all I really want to say is. I love you Big Sis and glad that your alright.

    This is to Jack. THANK YOU for being there for her. Thank you for taking her to the hospital even with her protesting. Thank you for protecting her. Also I'm sorry I took it personally when you were uncomfortable about the names. I was just not in the best of moods when I read what V. Vee said is all.

  7. Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. For making me not feel like an idiot and for the compliments. I am still somewhat queasy and still a little weak, but Jack has been pampering me today and best of all, he's "scoping out the internet" with me, leaving comments on GR threads, blog posts, etc. I didn't realize how badly he was scared for me and it makes me feel horrible that I made a mistake, but I realize that it can happen to anyone and I'm not a screw up (thanks Becky), that others have done it also (thanks Katharina), and that there are people out there who care (thanks to all of you).

    Jack: I want to thank you all for being worried about Vic. I am his watchdog right now, but it makes me feel good that he's so touched by your concern. Lucy/Kat, I only did for him what he would do for anyone else, tell him to shut up while I got him the help he needed to feel better. And you don't need to apologize for taking it personally, I probably overreacted, but we both have learned something I think.

  8. Alright So let's try this one last time.

    Jack you didn't overreact to it at all not in the least. Now I have a new idea (I will change names if they wish) for a book and this does have to do with many many LBGT's.

    Just bare with me. (mind out of the gutter please!) I was thinking that no one in the world really sees us. Bi-gender. Transgender, Gay, Lesbians, Bisexuals. They think we're a plague of some sort ~Rolls her eyes~ Okay so I want to get into contact with a few LGBT's and tell their stories. Their coming outs, their support. Everything that has to do with being themselves (living their truth) I want to put out there something that touches the LGBT community as a whole.

    I honestly don't know where to begin with a mass story but I was hoping that I could sort of do it as an interview style to get the stories. (After asking permission to write it in a book that is.)

  9. Jeepers VV! WTF! Babes you are fab just the way you are and if changes are to be made we do them safely. Repeat after me - safely.

    Hugs, squeezes, sunshine and lollypops to you and to your sweetie.

  10. Kat, that sounds like a good idea. You should check out the "Born This Way" blog. They have a lot of great stories, maybe you can work something out with them?

    Luci: Thank you. I know. *Repeats "safely"* Thanks for the hugs, squeezes, sunshine and lollipops. Jack says that they're delicious.

  11. I'm not sure V. Vee and I was hoping you'd let me interview you. ~Winks and hugs~ I'll check it out I'm still nervous put up a thread about it on the GSA group on GR. I want to know what others think about it before starting it fully.

  12. You can interview me, but you can't have a whole book with just me. Hell, that would be boring as fuck! LOL. You're going to have to put on your big girl panties and just take that step and post it up on the GSA group. If you're really concerned, you can ask the mods about it also.

  13. Please take care of yourself, the world would not be right without you, no matter what size you are. Diet pills are just not worth it.

  14. ~Pokes you towards GR~ Lord VeeVee I got my big girl panties on. Posted the idea and just yeah really really going to have to put some effort into making this book come alive. LOL okay so I'll get to it just mhm long long day for sure. Hoping that well people are interested in reading the stories people have.

  15. Awww Suzi you're so sweet! If I didn't know any better I'd swear that you and Jack were talking and telling each other what to say. LOL. Thank you.


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