Monday, August 8, 2011

Childish Cravings

Without fail at midnight I start getting weird cravings: Olive Garden soups and breadsticks...homemade cinnamon rolls....and right now?  Strawberry Toaster Strudels.

Yeah...the breakfast food item that they market for kids.

For some reason ever since they placed me in this stupid wheelchair, I've been having a desire for things I had when I was a kid: I've watched shows from the 90s, wanted to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch straight from the box, wanted to eat Toaster Strudels, and today I had the insane urge to color.

I'd be concerned if it wasn't just another thing to make up the weirdly different DNA substance that makes me who I am.  I mean, I'm the woman who went through a whole "Spongebob Squarepants" phase.

The only thing I don't like about when times like this hit is that it effectively cuts off my writing juices.  I get like an insane writer's block because that part of my brain that takes after my genius IQ parents, the retired military officers, you know the pastor and the former pastor's wife, that is completely analytical has to figure out WHY I'm having that particular craving or desire or need.

It's the same way with every guy that I've ever dated, or hooked up with.  It's also the reason why when I watched Angel and his partner James have sex the first time I asked questions throughout.  It really goes to show their attraction for each other that they could continue having sex while I asked questions like:  "Well, why are you putting your fingers in there?  Is there a reason for it?" and "Doesn't that hurt?" and "Can you seriously come just from THAT?"

I think that's one of the reasons I have airhead moments.  My Marmie says it's because I'm SO smart book wise that I don't have any common sense, but she's my mom, she's supposed to say that.  I think it's because my extremely creative side, that part of me that writes gay romance and loves sex and loves to walk barefoot and loves to be nude, and would have been a hippie, or a gypsy is in direct conflict with the part of me that wants to own a business and a few charities and a teen group home and an organization to find, house, educate, and help homeless gay and heterosexual teens, and wants to be a philanthropist and an ambassador.

My brain just doesn't know how to react to certain things because of that.

Maybe that's why I'm craving Strawberry toaster strudels at 12 o'clock in the morning too.

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