Yeah there is a girl in my head screaming. She's been at it since I typed the words: The End on my first M/M Romance book: "Passion's Hero: The Alpha King" and emailed it to a friend to read before I submit it for possible publishing.
No matter how many times someone tells me I'm a good writer I always freak out over my writing. I write and write and write, because the story and characters play out in my mind and I can't sleep until I get them down on paper, but then when I go and read it back I'm usually shaking my head and saying "This sucks! It's so dry and boring. Why the hell would I write this? Nobody will read this. It's stupid."
You know that saying that says you're your own worst critic? Well I've got that in spades. It's why I've got like five finished books and I just tote them around with me. I tell people about them. I read portions of them to people, but that's it. I even gave one of my books to my aunt to read and edit and her words to me were "It's so good that I forgot I was supposed to be editing, I'll go back and edit it this time."
That should encourage me right? Even with "Unthinkable," I've gotten compliments on here and on GR (I didn't even realize that there were members in the M/M Romance Group who were reading it) about it, and while it lightens my heart I keep hearing the voice of my 9th grade Creative Writing teacher, Mrs. Harris in my head: "Veronica, you're a very pretty young woman. You're a beautiful dancer, your voice is amazing and I've seen you act and you're great, but your writing is dull, boring, your characters lifeless and I say with kindness that you shouldn't seriously consider writing as a career."
And I mean, the woman was a miserable person, but she was a Creative Writing teacher, she would know Creative Writing right? So, I take these small steps and I test the waters. Each time I do anything I scream silently and want to take that step back, but once it's been done, it can't be undone.
So I sent my first M/M book to a friend to read, I'm nervous, to the point of wanting to vomit, but I feel good because I took another step and for me it's a big step. I think I'll just be one of those soldiers who run screaming into battle instead of stalking silently up behind the enemy.