Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Inconceivable: Part Six-NSFW

Part Six:

     Ton groaned when Tommy bent over in front of him.  His canines lengthened and he felt his cock throbbing behind his jeans aching to be buried inside of his mate's tight ass.  His hands reached forward to grab onto Tommy's hips when the smaller man stood up and walked away from him to head back outside to the truck to finish getting the rest of his things.  They had made it to their house about an hour ago after stopping at Home Depot for some paint and had begun moving in Tommy's things.  With each careful step and movement Ton felt himself grow more and more aroused by his mate.  He could barely suppress the growl that threatened to emerge every time the smaller man came in his field of vision, but between him bending over, grunting under the weight of some of his personal items and the pungent, fragrant aroma of his sweat, Ton knew that he was moments from letting his wolf snap out of his control and claiming his mate.  He grunted and then walked outside to the truck.  He waved at Richard and Vet who were playing with the triplets outside on the new playground that Vet had bought for them.  They made a great couple the alpha and his mate, but Ton did not envy them the children that they raised.  He paused and frowned as a sudden thought occurred to him.  Did Tommy want kids?
     He shook his head and continued towards the truck.  There was no sense in worrying about kids when he had yet to actually claim the man.  He saw Luci and Tommy headed towards him, carrying a piece of furniture between them, piled up with suitcases and boxes.  He knew at that moment, watching Tommy carry his things towards their new house that his man was ready to be claimed.  He didn't have to wait any longer.  With a wolfish grin he hurried to the truck to grab the last few items and slammed the truck door closed and raced back to the house.  It was time to claim his mate.


     "I think we should paint this room before we move everything in," Tommy said with a smile as he looked over at Ton.  The cowboy had been acting strange all afternoon.  First he'd taken everything and shoved it into the bedroom.  Then he'd rushed Luci out of the house, telling her that Richard and Vet had lunch for her at their house and that she could stay with them if she were planning to spend the night.  After Luci had left, he'd leaned against the front door, crossed his arms and just grinned at Tommy.  Tommy was slightly nervous by Ton's sudden mood shift and he found himself babbling to cover his nervousness.
     "I think that's a great idea," Ton agreed before pushing away from the door and walking over to the love seat against the wall.  Tommy followed him and with a shy smile helped him to lift the love seat and carry it into the kitchen.  They moved quickly but carefully and moved all of the furniture, paintings and electronics from the living room into the kitchen and the dining room before laying down huge pieces of blue tarp that Ton brought in from the barn that he laid down over the beautiful cherry hardwood floors to protect them from paint splatters.  Tommy's jaw dropped and his breath stuttered in his chest when Ton removed his shirt before beginning to paint.  Adjusting his rapidly growing erection in his cut-off shorts, Tommy fanned his suddenly flushed face with his red tank top and turned back to his wall to begin painting.
     Both men painted steadily for five minutes before Tommy growled in frustration.
     "Tommy?  Are you okay baby?" Ton asked and Tommy merely nodded.
     "I need some music.  This is tedious and boring if I can't listen to music," he admitted and he heard Ton chuckle behind him.
     "Well, why don't you turn on some music then?" Ton asked him before turning back to his wall to continue painting.
     With a determined nod, Tommy walked out of the room and returned shortly after with his iPod and his iPod Home system and after getting them both set up in the middle of the room, with the iPod home plugged into an extension cord leading into an outlet in the kitchen, he turned on his iPod listening device.  Scrolling through the songs he came across a song that he thought was perfect for what they were doing.  With a grin he pressed play and the throbbing beat of "Paint" by Travis Garland and JoJo began to play.
     With a grin, Tommy rolled his hips and danced back over to the wall and his paint tray.  He became so entranced by the song, which he had put on repeat, and what he was doing that he didn't even notice that Ton had walked up behind him and began to dance closely behind him.  Tommy moaned and pressed his ass back into Ton's groin.  The two men continued to dance seductively with each other, the beat of the music matching the beats of their heart and the throbbing in their erections.  Tommy felt so safe and treasured with Ton's arms wrapped around him from behind., the bigger man's paint splattered hands rubbing across his chest, with his hardened nipples and his slim but muscled thighs.
     When Ton's hands left paint streaks on his skin, Tommy squealed and pushed away.  The desire darkening Ton's eyes gave him momentary pause but with effort he continued with his rant.
     "Ton!  You got paint all over my clothes and my skin!" he stated in exasperation, his hands on his hips.  He expected Ton to apologize profusely, he didn't expect for the larger man to bend over and stick his two large hands in one of the paint buckets and to toss the paint directly at him.  The paint landed in his beautiful black hair, the dark red streaking his curly locks, and all over his torso, neck, legs and face.  With another squeal he raced over to another bucket of the dark red paint and stuck his own hands inside before tossing the paint back at Ton.  It wasn't long before the two of them were tossing paint all over each other, the walls, the fireplace, the front door and all over the tarp that covered the floor.
     Tommy laughed breathlessly when Ton scooped him up in his arms and pressed his face into the smaller man's neck.
     "Say you surrender," Ton growled.
     "Never," Tommy giggled as Ton tickled his sides before lifting him into the air.  Without thought Tommy locked his legs around Ton's waist, his arms around the cowboy's neck.
     "Surrender," Ton demanded playfully again before nipping gently at Tommy's earlobe.  Tommy shuddered as lightening raced from his ear through his head, his chest and his legs before settling in his groin, his erection growing to full mast at the feeling.
     "N-n-never," Tommy panted.  Ton knelt on the floor and laid Tommy down upon it before lifting up his shirt.  He pressed his lips against Tommy's throbbing pulse in his neck.  He made his way down the smaller man's chest, taking small bites and placing small kisses across the skin.  Tommy shuddered when he felt the raspy touch of Ton's tongue upon his erect nipples.  Ton licked around and around the nipple before sucking it deep into his mouth.  He then pulled at the erect nub with his teeth and pulled the flesh taut almost to the point of pain before releasing it.  Tommy groaned, his hands coming up to clutch at and touch the firm, muscled flesh of this bigger man.
     Ton moved over to the neglected nipple, while his fingers came up to play with the wet nub he'd just left.  Tommy's hips began to thrust up, seeking something firm to rub against, the desire had become an ache inside of him and he needed something to ease it.  He needed Ton inside of him.  Deep inside of him.  He moaned Ton's name as the older wolf licked and nibbled his way down the smaller man's torso to the top of his shorts.
     "I like you in these," the Texan growled before opening the button fly on the shorts and pulling them down Tommy's legs.
     "I'm glad," Tommy panted as he felt Ton push his legs apart and settle in between them.  He was open, exposed and vulnerable to the other man, who merely allowed his eyes to rake over his pain splattered skin.
     "Gods you look so good spread out like this for me.  Naked, sweaty, aroused, covered in paint like you're about to be covered in my seed," Ton growled and Tommy moaned in answer.  "Do you like that?  The idea of my come splattered all over you?  Marking you as mine?" Ton asked and Tommy nodded his head in agreement, words being too much for his brain to process at that point.
     With a wolfish grin, Ton leaned over and swallowed Tommy's erection.  He licked around the head before following the thick vein down the smaller man's cock before licking back up the other side and taking him back in his mouth and down into his throat.  Tommy felt as if he were on a cloud of pleasure.  His hands couldn't seem to keep still, running through his hair, Ton's hair, over Ton's back and skin, his hips thrusting up as he tried to get deeper down the bigger man's throat.
     "That's right beautiful, fuck my face," Ton rasped and Tommy obeyed.  His hips thrust up faster and faster and he felt his balls tightening up and he knew he was on the verge of coming down his lover's throat when Ton pulled away.
     Tommy whined as Ton stood up and hurriedly pulled off his jeans before reaching into the pocket and pulling out the small tube of lube that he kept inside.  He poured a generous amount over his fingers and rubbed around the puckered entrance to Tommy's ass.  With a groan of pleasure, Tommy lifted his knees to his chest and grabbed onto the back of his knees and held himself open.  Ton pushed in first one finger, letting Tommy get used to the invasion before he began to thrust the finger in and out gently.  After Tommy's sphincter had relaxed some, Ton pressed in another finger.  It wasn't long before two of Ton's fingers became three and then the three became four, pounding deep into Tommy's ass.
     Tommy was incoherent as he babbled out Ton's name and begged for more, for harder, for deeper.  He wailed in distress when Ton removed his fingers from his clenching hole only to sigh in relief when Ton replaced his fingers with his lubricated, leaking cock.  Ton pressed deeply into the smaller man, pressing against his legs, his hands resting beside Tommy's shoulders, folding the other man almost in half.
     "Are you ready?" he gritted out between clenched teeth and Tommy knew that he was struggling not to move.  He nodded his head eagerly and moaned when he felt the bigger man withdraw his cock until only the head remained before pressing back in deeply.  Tommy jerked and groaned loudly when he felt Ton's cock press against his prostate.
     "There it is," he heard Ton's voice say with satisfaction, and with a slight adjustment of his hips Ton began to thrust deeper and faster into Tommy's hot, tight channel, his every thrust in pegging Tommy's prostate.  With a gasp, Tommy felt his balls tighten again and he knew that he was about to experience the biggest orgasm of his life.
     "Oh gods yes!!  Fuck me Ton!!  Fuck!  Right there. Right there!  YES!" Ton lowered Tommy's legs just as he was about to sail over the precipice into glorious death and then Tommy felt the bigger man tilt his head to the side.
     "Do you want me to claim you and mark you Tommy?" the wolf shifter asked him, never stopping his thrusts into his body.
     "Yes, fucking do it already Ton!  Claim me!  Mark me!  Make me yours forever," Tommy sobbed, his heart, his body, even his soul clenching with desire.  Lightening flashed behind his eyelids, his heart stopped for a moment and his seed shot from the top of his aching cock as he felt Ton's canines sink deep into the side of his neck.  He felt himself soaring as he shouted out Ton's name and then he knew nothing.

Here's the song "Paint" from the story:

Do You Know These Sexy Men?

So I was talking with a friend last night....or was it this morning?  Well, whenever it was, we were talking and we started talking about really sexy men.  We talked about Adam Lambert and I introduced her to B. Scott (who I think is a rockstar.  He is OH SO GORGEOUS!), who makes me have all manner of naughty thoughts  all I can think about is his hair, my strap-on, my fist in his hair.........*clears throat and blinks*  Wait where was I?

Oh yeah!  So I asked her if she knew who John Barrowman and David Tutera were.  She said "No."  This seems to be the general consensus among those that I have asked.  John Barrowman plays Captain Jack Sparrow on "Torchwood."  David Tutera is a wedding planner and has a show "My Fair Wedding with David Tutera" on WE Tv (I'm going to call him when my T-T-B-B and his husband can legally get married in their state.  I already sent D.T. a tweet and asked him-LOL).

So since no one seems to know who they are I decided to introduce them to you:

John Barrowman:

David Tutera:

And now you know who they are.  YUM!!

America's Got Talent - Steven Retchless' Hollywood Performance - Video -

I saw this video and I thought about my T-T-B-B and I laughed and wanted to suggest that he take up pole dancing. Not for me, for his husband, because I hear it's great for your core. LOL. If you don't have naughty thoughts watching this well then.....why the hell are you reading MY blog? LOL. Just kidding folks!! Sit back and enjoy!

America's Got Talent - Steven Retchless' Hollywood Performance - Video -

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


"I do not have to accept you.  The law may have to give you certain rights, but I don't have agree or accept your choice and your new found lifestyle."  These words are still ringing in my ears even though my mother said them to me an hour ago.

Let me back up.

I had an appointment with the VA at 0945.

I forgot.

Blame my pain meds, I took a cyclobenzaprine and it's 10mg and it always knocks me out.  I didn't wake up until 0900 and it took 15 minutes for the fog to clear and then I wanted to finish my paperwork for my SSI disability stuff.  So anyway, I didn't remember my appointment until my mother knocked on my door and came into my bedroom to hand me the phone where my doctor was calling to make sure I was okay.  This is because the last time I missed an appointment with her it was because I'd fallen out of the bed and was laying on the ground for two hours in pain-yeah, my family didn't realize I was down there-sucks, *shrug* but it's life-now I always have my cane on hand as well as my cellphone-I'm not a complete invalid but when you have a back and a hip injury and you're already laying on the edge of the bed because your clean laundry is on the other side of the bed, because you just felt too lazy to do it?  Yeah rolling off the bed isn't unfeasible.  My cane was by the wall next to my chair, my cell was in the kitchen-I've since learned to conquer my laziness and do my laundry in its entirety before bed. LOL.

So, my mother hands me the phone and then she notices the brochures, notes, websites, papers, groups, etc. related to transgender, bi-gender and transsexuals and related to gender reassignment surgery.  I noticed her noticing and my stomach dropped, my heart leaped into my throat and tears came to my eyes.  I know that I should have been more optimistic, but I also know my family and my mother, she was livid, so mad she was shaking (yeah, you see where I get it from).  She let me finish my call and then she started in on me.

Mom:  Vee, what's this?
Vee:  A brochure.
Mom:  I know it's a brochure.
Vee:  So why'd you ask what it was? (I told you I'm rebellious and a bitch, even with my mom sometimes)
Mom:  Don't get smart with me young lady (since when am I a young lady?), why do you have this filth in my house?
Vee:  It's not porn Marmie.  It's brochures about gender reassignment surgery, transgenders, bi-genders, transsexuals-
Mom:  It's about homosexuality and saying that God made a mistake when He made you a girl.
Vee:  No, I'm saying society made a mistake when they said I could ONLY be a girl.  God made me both and you said He never mistakes.
Mom:  So you're saying God made you this way?
Vee:  I don't understand.  You tell people that people are born gay, but I can't be born bi-gender?
Mom:  No.
Vee:  Why?
Mom:  Because you're my child.  No child of mine is gay or bi anything.  I raised you to know better.
Vee:  I'm still me!  None of that has changed!  I'm still the same girl I was yesterday and last week and last month and last year.  Nothing about me has changed except I'm more comfortable in my skin.  I'm on my way to being happy.  Don't you want me to be happy?
Mom:  Not if you're going to be happy on Earth only to wind up in hell.
Vee:  *rolling eyes* So now I'm going to hell?  There's no verse in the Bible that says I'd go to hell for having my sex changed.
Mom:  But there's one about homosexuality.
Vee:  Don't go there.  You read the paper I wrote on that, so you know you're wrong.  Besides, since you say I was only born a girl, I'd still be having sex with men, just with a penis.  So think of it this way.  They'd be gay, I'd still be straight.
Mom:  Don't joke with me.
Vee:  Don't turn your back on me and condemn me to hell and stop loving me because I'm different.
Mom: I'll never stop loving you Vee *sigh* You know that.
Vee:  You just won't accept me...
Mom:  I do not have to accept you.  The law may have to give you certain rights, but I don't have agree or accept your choice and your new found lifestyle.
Vee:  I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Mom:  Okay, but you know that I won't accept this, if you get this done, to me you will forever be my daughter and I won't let up until you get the surgery reversed and you know your stepfather-
Vee:  What about him?
Mom:  If you get it done, he'll want nothing else to do with you.
Vee:  Meaning, I'll have to move out and find another place to stay.
Mom: (shrug)
Vee:  Can you just go please?

Then she walked out.  This conversation is etched in my brain.  I wish I could say this is the first time my mother has told me that my stepfather is going to "kick me out" and she's going to support him, but it's not.  I am painfully aware that I am no longer a priority in my mother's life and that's as it should be.  I'm an adult and really only living here because all of my benefits and disability money isn't enough to sustain me living on my own right now.  But if I did?  I wouldn't be here and this wouldn't be an issue.

I'm not telling you all this to garner sympathy.  I don't need it.  I knew that this was a possible outcome when I went to see the doctor.  I'm telling you all this so that you can come to the same realization that I did.  My family's opinion of me doesn't matter.  My opinion of myself is all that matters.  Me.  I can't make THEM happy and myself miserable, trying to please everyone is what leads to depression and thoughts of suicide and suicide attempts and all manner of things that you do to ease the pain of pleasing everyone but yourself.  I have to please me.  I have to make me happy first and then and only then can I worry about everyone else.

I'll probably have to come back and read this myself a few times over the next couple of years just to remind myself of this truth.  But I can do that.  What I can't do is continue to live for others.  I must live for myself.

So while my mother's words induced an "Ouch!" reaction in my heart, it didn't shatter my spirit or destroy my soul as I thought it would be and to me, that's a victory in itself.

Inconceivable: Part Five

Part Five:

     "And then I turned around and he was standing right there with his arms folded across his chest, looking all huge and intimidating and I could feel my boyfriend trembling beneath me, his cock shriveling up inside of me like a raisin before he slid out and I just got so mad.  So I slide off the bed, turn around to face him, put my hands on my hips and say: 'Why don't you find your own boyfriend METRIC TON!'  He was so shocked by the new nickname, he didn't even notice my boyfriend, grabbing his clothes and climbing out of the window, the same way he'd climbed in...except this time he was doing it naked," Tommy burst into laughter as Luci regaled him with the story of how she'd come to call Ton, "Metric Ton."  He noticed Ton wincing and he laughed even harder.  Luci had been telling stories about Ton during the entire meal and Tommy couldn't remember the last time that he'd laughed so hard.  It was great and he felt himself healing with every story.
     He had used the bathroom without Ton's assistance and had spent the entire time thinking about his mate and the fact that the other man had rather watch him suffer than mate him and heal him.  When his reason had finally returned he realized that he should be thankful that the other man had respected him enough to NOT take advantage of him in his injured state.  He'd stepped out of the bathroom gingerly, after flushing and washing his hands and had smiled shyly up at the larger man.  Ton must have read his forgiveness and understanding in his eyes because without a word being spoken the larger man had come over, scooped him up into his arms and carried him over to the dining table to eat.  They were still there.  Tommy had finished eating half an hour ago and Luci had finished five minutes ago, but Ton was still eating.  Damn, he hoped that they had a big refrigerator in their new home, because his mate ate like a huge, fucking animal.
     Tommy snorted in an effort to restrain his laughter.  He merely shook his head when Ton and Luci looked at him questioningly, not wanting to share his amusement with them, concerned that they may take offense.  He yawned widely and nodded when Luci asked him if he wanted a cup of water.  As soon as Luci walked away he leaned over and kissed Ton's cheek where the bigger man sat next to him.
     Ton looked at him, his eyes wide with shock, "What was that for?"  Tommy smiled at him sweetly, lifting his hands up to cup Ton's cheeks.
     "That was for NOT mating me when I was too vulnerable to resist or give my permission," Tommy said softly.  Ton swallowed thickly and nodded.  "That's the only reason you didn't mate me right?  It wasn't that you were suddenly turned off by me?" he asked, uncertain, biting his lower lip.  Ton didn't say anything, just reached up and grabbed one of Tommy's hands and pressed it firmly against his very large erection.
     "Point taken," Tommy grinned.  The two men shared another small kiss and pulled away just as Luci returned to the table.
     "So Luci, tell me, where's your mate?" Tommy asked curiously as he took a sip of water from his glass.  The room filled with tension immediately and Tommy found himself glancing back and forth between Ton and Luci.  The two of them were having some kind of silent conversation with their eyes and Tommy could feel their anxiety rolling off of them in waves.  What the hell was going on and what were they keeping secret?
     "He isn't really able to claim me.  So...we know who each other is, but we're just not able to act on it," Luci evaded the question before excusing herself with an excuse that she wanted to go and pack up her car and rushing from the room.
     Tommy turned to look at Ton with an incredulous look.  Ton shook his head and held up his hands in surrender.  "Uh-uh.  Don't look at me like that.  It's not my story to tell.  Believe me I want her and this guy to mate, I truly do, but they won't do it.  They asked me to keep that secret and I won't betray their trust," the Texan said.  Tommy nodded and sighed.  He respected his man for honoring the wishes of his sister and not divulging her secret but he was curious by nature and he really wanted to know.
     "I understand honey," Tommy reassured his mate and yawned widely.  He merely smiled when Ton stood up and scooped him into his arms before carrying him back to bed.  His man could carry him wherever he wanted to and he wouldn't protest at all.  When Ton made a move to get off of the bed, Tommy grabbed onto his wrist and smiled at him again.
     "Stay?" he asked and Ton nodded.
     "Only for a minute, then I've got to clean up the kitchen and get our stuff in the truck.  I've got to get back to the ranch and we've got to leave today," Ton stated before climbing over Tommy to settle beside him on the bed.  Tommy nodded and turned over onto his right side, pressing his back to Ton's chest and his ass to other man's jean-covered erection.  He smiled as Ton growled low in his chest.
     "Stop playing with fire baby and get some sleep.  We ain't gonna do nothing 'til you're feeling better and it ain't gonna hurt you," Ton groaned, his southern drawl more pronounced.  Tommy had noticed when he'd visited Richard months before that Ton's accent and Southern dialect was only apparent when he was really angry or really turned on and if the very large pipe poking him in the ass was any indication, his big cowboy was very turned on indeed.
     "I can guarantee you Ant, I'll be feeling 100% by the time we get to Texas.  So be ready to not leave the bedroom for a while, because I want to learn how to ride properly and I'm practicing on you," Tommy promised just before he relaxed into sleep.

VeeVee Pissed

I'm a Bitch.

This has been stated by me before. But I am an even bigger Bitch when I am pissed off. I become this snarling, hissing, clawing harpy. My voice lowers and "Vic" comes out big time.

"But Vee why are you telling us this?" I'll tell you why. We know that in this world not EVERYONE can be trusted right? If everyone in your world can be trusted I'd like to come and stay with you. So, we know that not everyone can be trusted but do we also know about small matters of disappointment versus full on betrayals? No? Allow me to demonstrate: Back before I met Christopher, when I was still hurting from a failed engagement I signed up for an online dating account (yes I know...shocking). There were a few guys here in Polk County that were interested but mostly because to them I was a novelty. They'd either never been with a black woman (how many of you are surprised that was the reason?), or they were fascinated that I seemed like the perfect blend of man and woman (guess we know why now). I LOVE to cook, clean, shop, cuddle, take care of others, kids, babies, dressing up and I could pull off the submissive, demure housewife wihout a hitch. But I also LOVE sports, playing and watching, going to strip clubs, porn, fucking someone, I hate talking about my feelings (used to anyway) and I am extremely strong and dominant.

So I was going on dates that weren't working out until one day I get this message from a guy named Brian. Brian was great, he sent me photos of him (he was gorgeous), and we talked for months before meeting. He met me at the mall at my job. He called my name: Are you Veronica? And I turned around looking for the man attached to the voice I knew so well and didn't see him. I heard: Vee? And then...I looked down.

Yes, he'd neglected to tell me that while I stand at 5'8" he was only 4'10". I was shocked, disappointed and extremely upset and then I realized that in the grand scheme of things, his height wasn't that BIG of a deal. He was still the guy I had gotten to know over those few months, even thoug he had misled me in one area it didn't mean that the rest of him was rotten. "Don't let one apple ruin the whole bunch." Brian and I are still friends today. He is married, with children and went with me to Christopher's funeral.

I said that because within the last week I have watched certain group members of a book group I am a part of turn something as small as two members whose pictures may or may not really be theirs into a fucking mountain of suspicion and venom. Their very identities have been called into question. I wasn't going to talk about it on my blog because if adults don't know not to keep your guard up sufficiently when dealing with those online until they have proved themselves to be trustworthy then they need to go back and read the WARNING label on every social networking website ever created. BUT I had a friend share a comment some other...well....ass, made, that called into question ANOTHER dear friend of mine. So how did a picture issue become all three of these people are liars, fakes and phonies? People can be supremely venomous when they feel foolish or betrayed. But why should a few pictures lead them to feel this way? The people in question are too popular to have their ACTUAL pictures online, so they confess to it and move on, but now this whole thing has caused, for me, a whole new view of a lot of other people as their vicious, hateful, idiotic comments poured forth.

Vic started snapping at the bit.

I'm a Scorpio and we're known not just for being amazing, nymphomaniac lovers, but also for our razor-sharp tongues. I wanted to rip every person on that thread a new hole, because now they were taking it too far and now they were accusing someone that saved my fucking life! I wanted to rip this broad's throat! With my words...but still.

It just made me realize yet again how much of a protective Bitch I am and how truly ridiculous some people can be. The way the suspicions and speculations are jumping around it's like a fucking witch hunt: Oh! She wore all black so she must be a witch and she must have killed that man using witchcraft. BURN HER AT THE STAKE!

Overly dramatic? Maybe. True? Yes.

I don’t really have any deep thought to end this with. Just...remember that NO ONE is perfect. Not you, not me, not anyone. So unless someone online maliciously and intentionally deceives you, remember no one shares everything, we all save a piece of ourselves to retain a part of our privacy. You may see photos of me but you will never see photos of my real life friends or my family or loved ones and if I ever meet any of you I won't be posting our pictures online either.

Because I have developed some of the strongest relationships with people I met online and I take precautions, but I always remember that what I know from online is probably not what I will see in real life. How do I know that? I'm an adult, I don’t live in a fantasy world and, oh yeah......

I'm a Bitch.
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Sunday, August 28, 2011


That's the only thing that I've had in my mind all day.  From 7 o'clock this morning until now, the word "wow" with a negative connotation has been swirling around in my brain all day.

I am a very empathetic person.  I hate for people around me to be hurt, emotionally, physically, not just because I love them or care for them and don't want them to suffer but also for selfish reasons.

I feel nauseous, flush hot like I have a fever and shake.

Call me crazy, call me insane, it doesn't matter, but either way my friends and family either call me because they know that I'll feel their emotional pain (I cry with them, sometimes for them, I get angry on their behalf) or they don't call me for that same reason.

It's the reason that my brother didn't tell me what was going on with him.  Why just last night I found out about EVERYTHING that was being said between him and the mother of his child.  No one told me because I would "overreact" or "just get sick."

I said all that to say this: today has been a day when I swear I feel as though I've been put through the emotional wringer, from a car accident early this morning (very small, minor ding, no one was hurt), to a dear friend feeling emotionally raw, to the identities and realities of people I have come to care about being called into question, I think I've said "Wow" a lot today.

And my problem is that I have the "fix-it" gene and so I want to fix cars, fix relationships, defend people, solve problems of everyone in the world.  But it's just not possible.

The other problem is that these things so affect me that my creative self suffers.  I can't write.  My mind is racing 1,000,000 miles a minute and all I can think about is if everyone is okay and what can I do to help and did I overstep when I said or did this or am I being a pest by asking if everyone's okay and what if I'm getting on everyone's nerves?

Even when I could dance, when moments like this happened, I couldn't dance.  I could barely focus enough to read, I'd sit and watch the television without really understanding anything and I couldn't eat no matter how hungry I got (hey I lost weight at least right?).

And I'm not sharing this to make people feel bad like "Can't tell Vee anything she might have a panic attack," or to make anyone feel guilty because I think it's the mark of a true friend that they care for you so much that they feel what you feel while still being able to tell you what you need to hear.  This may of course be my arrogance that I'm a really good friend of course.  However, I'm sharing this because in light of everything today I was talking with Kate, someone I'm beginning to really consider as a friend, and I told her that I'm completely real about my flaws.

Hell, I've got a whole post that says I'm a selfish, possessive, protective bitch.

You can't get more real than that.

I feel like while the Internet is great for reinventing yourself, almost living a life of fantasy, not everyone is that way.  For me, the fantasy world, the fake me is what I show my family.  I am who they want me to be (for now), but online?  Where I'm forging relationships with people who can't just walk into my room to see if it's real?  I'm MORE honest, I'm truthful, I'm real.

So while none of what happened today is about me (and that's a first-LOL), I just wanted to let you few people know who find me interesting enough to care what I have to say, that what you "read" is what you get.  I am a flawed individual and I'm going to share it with you.  My major flaws and everything.  If you don't like it, you can always unfollow or forget this page ever existed, but for those of you who appreciate it, I thank you.

I know that life's a bitch (and then you die) and I know that I have more days of "Wow" ahead of me...but I'm going to be real with all of you as I go through them.

So all of that to say this, I wanted to write another part of "Inconceivable" today, but I can't.  My brain has shut down.  I'll post tomorrow and be more of my normal, bitchy, happy, morose, confused, self-absorbed self (LOL I know that's not how I usually am but that's me here lately), but today?  I'm feeling the emotional pull of my friends and family and so I'm going to spend the day trying to pull myself out of the emotional mire that I put myself into.

*Hope everyone on the East coast is safe and nothing was too damaged and that no one lost anything really valuable!  {HUGZ}

True Family

I have learned so much about family and friends in the first few days of all of this and I haven't even gotten started with everything yet.

I learned that family, a true family is not necessarily the one you are born into but they are the people who love you, support you, and accept you unconditionally. A family is one that you love by choice not by blood. So many people have stepped up and decided to be in my corner and the knowledge that I will lose my biological family has been tempered by the realization that I have other people to fill the role of family for me. It is humbling and amazing and incredible.

I feel so unworthy.

I have my first therapy session on the 19th of Sept. The whole process is apparently going to be 6 months. I have been given websites, groups, programs to all just makes me smile because I am taking control of my life for once, not trying to please anyone but myself. "Living my truth." I want a shirt that says that.

So a family is one you choose. And with the brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and grandparents of my heart those that have stepped up and supported me...I think I have chosen very well.
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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Inconceivable: Part Four

Part Four:

     Ton looked down at his sleeping mate before looking over at his sister Luci.  The two of them shared a smile before he placed the smaller man back down on the bed and covered him with a sheet.  He sighed as he brushed back the hair on his mate's forehead.
     "You love him already don't you?" he heard Luci's voice as she stood and began to walk towards the suite's kitchen.  He snorted at the thought.  Tommy was his mate yes, and he was wildly attracted to him, they were even able to speak with ease and they had a lot in common but he wasn't in love with the man.  He didn't even believe that he was capable of the emotion.  He was too possessive, to aggressive and too domineering to ever be able to love someone as sweet and as beautiful as Tommy.
     "I don't even know what that word means," he replied back to Luci, before rising from the bed and joining her in the kitchen area.
     "You love me don't you?  I mean you raised me after Mom and Dad died and you were 18 and I was only 10.  You did a pretty decent job too.  And you didn't have to raise me," she reminded him and Ton felt his chest tighten and his throat close up with emotion.  He'd barely been an adult himself when his parents had died in that car accident.  Wolf shifters weren't immortal, they lived longer and it was harder to kill them, but they weren't immortal by any stretch of the imagination.  Ton had been preparing to take off and work on a ranch in Montana while trying to be a bull rider.  His parents hadn't wanted him to go and they'd had a terrible argument, he'd stormed out of the house and took off on his motorcycle.  He hadn't gone home that night, choosing instead to sleep over at Alex's house.  Although he and Alex hadn't really slept.  Both of them had been enjoying their new-found sexuality and they'd spent the entire night have hot sex, so they were both passed out asleep when the phone call came in the next moment about Ton's parents.  He'd been so disoriented that it had taken him a while to understand that his parents were both dead, killed on impact because neither of them had been wearing their seat belts, and his baby sister was now an orphan and would be moved to one of the other families in the pack if he didn't step up to take care of her.  He knew he didn't have a choice.  His guilt over his last words to his parents still haunted him today.
     "I had to take care of you, no one else could put up with your annoying personality," he teased Luci, bumping her lightly with his hip.
     "Shut up Metric Ton," she teased back, using her nickname for him from when they were kids.
     He growled playfully, "Don't let Tommy hear you use that name!" he admonished her with a grin.  The siblings laughed and then went about preparing a meal.  Ton had gone out to buy groceries earlier, while Luci watched over Tommy.  Leaving his injured mate behind was the hardest thing he'd ever done.
     "You know your mate and I are going to be best friends right?" Luci stated cheekily as she dumped chunks of tomatoes on top of the salad.  Ton snorted as he removed the grilled chicken breast from the George Foreman grill.
     "I have no doubt about it, it's just the way fate works," he grunted.  They finished lunch and carried the plates over to the small dining table.  Ton turned to wake up Tommy only to find the smaller man awake and sitting up in bed.
     "Hey baby, how are you feeling?" he asked as he walked over to help the other man out of the bed.
     "Sore.  In pain.  Hungry and like I have to take the world's biggest piss ever," Tommy grumbled before giving Ton a small smile.
     "You know if you had already mated and marked him, he'd be healed by now," Luci stated as she filled their glasses with iced tea.  Ton groaned internally when Tommy froze in place and looked up at him.
     "I could be healed already?" he whispered and Ton nodded.  He watched as Tommy's face turned red and knew without even scenting the air that his mate was angry.
     "Are you getting off on me being in pain or something?  Is this some sort of wolf, predator, mate thing?  You LIKE seeing me in pain and barely able to walk or move on my own?  Is that why you didn't do something to FUCKING HEAL ME ALREADY?!" Tommy yelled, poking the bigger man in the chest.
     "You don't understand Tommy," Ton sighed, struggling to contain his wolf which was howling at the aggression being displayed by his mate and wanting desperately to make the smaller man submit to him.
     "So fucking explain it to me," Tommy panted out as he leaned against the wall, his strength rapidly deteriorating.
     "In order for me to mate and mark you, we would have to be having sex and I am not going to have sex with you when you can barely walk, barely move, barely breathe! I have too much respect for you to do that. You are my mate and I will take care of you, protect you, even if it means that I have to protect you from myself and not claim you or mark you until you feel a little better," Ton gritted out between clenched teeth.
     Tommy huffed and Ton stepped closer to the smaller man and lowered his voice so that his sister couldn't hear, "Nothing would make me happier than to claim you beautiful, nothing.  Not just because you would get better and heal quicker but because I want to mark you as mine for all the world to see, but I will not give into my wolf, I will not be an animal and make love to you when you'd be in too much pain to appreciate it.  When you start feel better, however," Ton lifted his hand to Tommy's chin and lifted the other man's face until his eyes met Ton's passionate gaze, "nothing in this world will stop me from claiming you and marking you as mine."
     Ton was surprised but pleased with the scent of his mate's arousal wafted up to his nostrils, he closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply.  "Fuck but you smell good," he groaned before giving himself a mental shake.  He looked back down at his mate who now had a small smirk on his face.  "Let's get you to the bathroom and then have us some dinner.  I believe my sister wants to become best friends with you and Luci always gets what she wants," he grinned before scooping the smaller man into his arms and heading towards the bathroom without another word.

Friday, August 26, 2011

For Veronica to Become Roni or Vic

I am, right now, sitting in a doctor's office with my friend K. Ray who drove all the way up from Miami just to take me to this appt and somewhat listening to the doctor describe the surgery and the steps I would need to take in order to become Veronica/Vic.

I know what you're thinking "Vee! Pay attention!" I am! But this doctor is really making me want to blog about him. I've never had a doctor try to talk me OUT of any type of surgery, but this one keeps talking about how beautiful I am as a young woman and why would I want to lose that to become a man.


He obviously didn't listen to me. So my friend K. Ray is arguing with him: "She has gorgeous tits! She doesn't want to lose them idiot! She just wants a cock! Preferably a nice, big, thick, long one that can get erect and she can fuck a man's ass!"

I love K. She really shocked the doctor then. Now he's wondering why I want to fuck a man.


Is this what I want? To let some doctor who doesn't agree with what I want for my life, how I feel inside, who I really am, operate on me? My family, who is going through enough hell with my brother won't understand what I need to do and I haven't told them. This is my big secret. It's been my secret for the last 27 years.

I'm sick of being who people think I should be. And this poor doctor is horrified that I WANT to be half woman and half man instead of just choosing. Atleast he hasn't called me a freak yet, although I have to wonder if he's thinking it. If he thinks it about all his patients.

I tell him that I want to fuck a man...or men *shrug* because I am both a straight woman and a gay man. Both sides of me like cock and a man's tight ass. So sue me.

I think he realizes I am serious. Or maybe he's noticed my Army Veterans card in my wallet when I go to pull out my I.D. but whatever it is he's smiling now and I am still listening with half an ear. I have my brochures, I am laying on this bed in a hospital gown with my girly bits exposed, let's get this over with.

******30 Minutes Later******

My consultation is over. It's possible. Not common. But possible. The amount I will have to pay is breathtaking. It's a partial Gender reassignment, I don't want a hysterectomy, I just want a cock...and maybe a prostate, but they don't do that yet. It's still expensive. I could buy a chest full of strap-on dildos and still have enough to move anywhere in the US that I wanted, but it wouldn't be the same. I want to feel myself get erect. I want to be able to whip out my hard cock and fuck some hot guy's ass, while my tits bounce. LOL.

It's me. Makes no sense. But it's me. K. Ray is beyond supportive, though she thinks I should just buy stock in strap-ons especially since it's safer, non-invasive and when I want to be a girl I can still fully be a girl.

And that's true as well.

So what do I do? I have identified what would make me happy, why I have felt like a stranger in my body for years, why I was unhappy for so long.

Can I continue to live as I have? Is simply identifying the problem enough or can I actually allow myself to undergo this expensive genital reassignment surgery that will give me not only a fully functioning cock that gets erect but testicles as well? Especially when that's what I want?

More importantly can I live with the fact that this surgery may just make me single for the rest of my life?

I really will be considered a "freak" to some people. I may have to live my life alone with the body I want, as the person I feel like I am on the inside, but with no one to share it with.

I cried in the car on the way home. My soul is crying out for this, for something that represents who I really am, but my heart trembles at the thought that I won't or can't find anyone to love me the way I really am.

I mean I've spent this long being a woman...I can keep pretending that that's all I am right?
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Inconceivable: Part Three

Part Three:

     Tommy woke up to pain.  Excruciating, blinding, heart-stopping, breath-stealing pain.  For a moment it was all he could think about.  The pain started at his head and worked all the way down his....what the fuck?  Did his dick hurt too?  He groaned and realized at that point that there were other people in the room with him.  The extremely deep voice of a man, the sexiest voice he'd ever heard, and a lighter, softer, more melodious sound of a woman.  Maybe they were the doctor and the nurse?  Maybe he was in the hospital?  That would make sense if he was run over by a Mac truck like he felt.
     "Baby?  Did you make a noise?  Please baby, respond...say something," he heard the man say and his heart pounded in his chest.  Baby?  Why was this man calling him baby?  That seemed a little inappropriate coming from his doctor.  He struggled to remember what had happened to him, where he was, who this man could be....he remembered....getting ready to move in with someone....a man, a big man....Anton!  Anton Forrester, the wolf shifter....oh yeah, they were on the road, they'd made it all the way to Virginia and then....he gasped as he remembered walking into the restroom.  He began thrashing on the bed, moaning and screaming as he relived the horror of his attack.
     "No!  No!  No!!" he screamed, tears rolling down his face, his mouth open and gasping for air, his arms and his legs thrashing about wildly as he tried to fight off his invisible attackers.
     "Tommy!  Baby!  Wake up!  You're safe.  I'm here,  they're gone.  I promise.  C'mon baby, please open your eyes, please," he heard the man say and instantly soothed.  His eyes popped open and he sat up quickly in pain, wincing in agony.  He looked around the room wildly and he saw Ton sitting on the bed next to him, his hands clutching his shoulders.  He threw himself into the bigger man's arms, uncaring of his injuries, unmindful of his appearance.
     "Oh god Ant!" he cried as he clutched the other man's shirt desperately, scrambling to climb up into the cowboy's lap.  He heard the other man making shushing noises in an effort to calm him and felt Ton's hands hold onto him firmly.  When another, more slender hand touched his back before rubbing his hair he stiffened and jerked away.
     "Tommy!  Baby!  It's okay.  It's just my sister, Luci.  She's a doctor, I called her and asked her to meet us here, to help you!" Ton stated frantically.
     Tommy looked over at the woman and assessed her.  She stood at his height, with long brown hair that fell to the middle of her back, a small pert nose, pink lips, a delicate almost disarming frame of body, with curves in all the right places, and as his eyes traveled back up he saw her eyes, her startling blue eyes.  Those eyes, filled with kindness, sadness for what he'd been through, anger at his attackers, sympathy for his anguish, and concern over his injuries, filled him with peace and he calmed instantly.  He heard Ton chuckle and looked over at him, much more calm and serene, more aware of his surroundings than he had been upon first waking.
     "Luci is an omega.  She has this ability to make people feel at ease and at peace.  It's sort of a she has.  I haven't seen her use it on a human in a while," Ton explained and Tommy nodded.  So Luci was a wolf shifter too.
     "Are they dead?" he asked, his voice devoid of emotion, raspy from screaming.  He saw Ton and Luci exchange looks before Ton answered him.
     "No, they're not.  They were injured pretty bad though, had to be put into the hospital, both for their injuries and because they said they saw the wolf that attacked them turn into a human before he picked up the other man in the bathroom, the one that they'd beat up," the Texan growled.
     Tommy's eyebrows lifted in amazement, "They confessed to beating me up?"
     "In their confusion and hysteria, yeah, they did," Ton said with a smile.  Tommy merely nodded again and looked around the room, before his eyes landed on the pamphlet on the table.
     "Mississippi?" he read aloud and looked over at Ton.  "We're in Mississippi?"
     Ton nodded and swallowed thickly.  "I tried to nurse you myself, but you were getting worse.  You wouldn't wake up, I wasn't sure if you were even alive.  I took you to the hospital, but they wanted to keep you overnight and wouldn't let me see you.  So I sneaked out with you and kept driving.  My sister was visiting a friend of hers here in Mississippi so we just met up here so she could care for you."
     Tommy looked over at Luci who merely smiled at him before answering, "I stitched you up, gave you a shot for the pain, wrapped your ribs, your wrist, your ankle.  I even had to bandage your head for a while."
     Tommy's hands flew to his hair and began to run through his curls frantically.  Ton grasped his hands and pulled them down.  "Don't worry, nothing was shaved or anything," he reassured him.  Tommy breathed a sigh of relief and crawled back up into the big wolf's lap before reaching out a hand to Luci.
     "Thank you so much," he said to her with a small smile.  He breathed a sigh of relief and felt exhaustion sweep back over him, he tried to fight against it, wanting the chance to get to know Luci but more than that, wanting to spend time with his wolf, his hero, his mate.  The thought of being Ton's mate didn't scare him as much anymore.  He'd survived a horrific attack because of this man, his man.  An attack he received because people couldn't accept the fact that everyone is different, and that which they saw as being socially normal was actually humanly abnormal.  Differences were what made up the human race, similarities were what made up drones and clones.
     "Get some sleep baby, we'll still be here when you wake up," he heard Ton's voice say and without another thought, he drifted off to sleep.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Inconceivable: Part Two

Part Two:

It is sometimes the biggest accomplishment in the world to just be you.-Kate Blackwell

     Ton turned to look at his mate as the smaller man flittered around the room packing everything that he owned up into expensive looking suitcases, trunks, and overpriced bags.  Tommy seemed to have more stuff than Richard did.  He was glad that he'd decided to rent a U-Haul to drive back to Texas rather than taking a plane.  They would be paying so much more that way.  He sighed when Tommy stopped in the middle of the room and gasped.  He knew what that gasp meant, he'd heard it enough in the last three hours.  It meant that Tommy had remembered something else that he wanted to take with him.  He could only hope that it was something that he already had so that they could leave it behind.
     "What about my dishes?  My pots, pans, my blender, mixers, food processors....I love to cook Ant...I can't leave them behind!" Tommy whined slightly and Ton cringed even while a warmth bloomed within him at Tommy's nickname for him.  He nodded and then chuckled as Tommy hugged him excitedly before he raced towards the kitchen to pack it up.  His mate was beyond adorable, full of energy and life.  Always bubbly and was slightly exhausting.  He exhaled and shook his head.  He was fated to be married to the petite ball of energy.  That wasn't a fluke, so it was obviously for a reason.  Maybe he needed to be more bouncy?  More excitable?  He shook his head as he carried the last four suitcases into the living room and placed them on the floor.  Who was he kidding?  He was who he was, that wasn't going to change just because his mate was a little ball of energy.
     Ton turned and walked into his mate's kitchen and stopped.  When he'd come in the night before he'd followed his mate's scent back to the bedroom and waited.  He hadn't paid any attention to any other rooms. He was glad he hadn't.  Tommy's kitchen looked like a gourmet kitchen.  Ton looked around the large space in awe.  His man hadn't been kidding when he'd said he loved to cook.  He thought about his kitchen and cringed.  He'd moved into the foreman's house out behind the alpha house.  When Vet had lived there the house was clean, well...according to his standards.  Now, it looked like a big mess.  Like a tornado had blown through and left mass destruction in its wake.  Tommy's place was extremely clean.  He wondered if he was going to pester him like Richard pestered Vet.
     "My kitchen don't look like this," he admitted and saw Tommy turn to look at him and smile.
     "That's okay.  Is it this big or smaller?" the smaller man asked as he opened his refrigerator and began to clean it out.
     "It's a little smaller.  Alpha Vernon didn't really have cause to use it.  His sister Mandy used to cook up at the alpha house all the time.  Now he's living in the alpha house and Richard cooks for him there," he stated as he walked over to help.
     Tommy snorted and Ton looked over at him.  "What?" he asked with a smile on his face.
     "Richard is a better baker than a cook, but even that is very novice.  He doesn't cook, he follows directions.  A real cook, a chef, when they are making a meal, they are creating an experience.  They are creating art and a masterpiece.  I love Richard, he is one of my best friends, but he is a much better dancer than a cook," Tommy shrugged and grinned sheepishly.  "I've told him this before so no need to worry that I'm being disrespectful."
     Ton nodded and grinned.  His mate was a little spitfire when it came to cooking and he knew he was passionate in the bedroom.  He wondered where else the smaller man would prove to be passionate.

     Four hours later the two men were finally on the road heading towards Texas.  Tommy's furniture was much nicer than what Ton had in his small three bedroom foreman's house back on the ranch so they'd decided to pack and bring most of it.  Ton still couldn't believe how much stuff his mate had.  He tried to figure out how they were going to fit it all in their small home when he realized that Tommy was bouncing in his seat.  They'd been driving steadily for about eight hours, his wolf genes making him able to drive a lot longer without getting tired, and he hadn't stopped once.  They had snacks, drinks, and Tommy had made a few small meals for them before they'd left.  So they'd been able to eat, drink and best of all get to know each other a lot better.  While he knew that he could go another two hours without having to stop and use the bathroom, his very human mate wouldn't be able to do that.  Especially since he'd watched as the smaller man had done some really intricate movements in order for his cock to not show from the front or the back.  He'd winced and whined and grabbed his own large cock in consolation, but Tommy had just grinned at him.
    "I don't do it all the time.  The tucking thing.  Just when I'm wearing tight pants or a short dress," the smaller man had explained before pulling on a plaid skirt that fell mid thigh and pulled down his white spaghetti strap shirt over the bra he wore with the inserts placed inside.  His hair had been curled in tight black ringlets below his shoulders and he'd lined his eyes, put on mascara and put on the shiniest red lipstick he'd ever seen.  He'd nodded but he'd walked funny for a while afterwards.
     Now he looked over at his mate in sympathy, "Do you need to stop and use the restroom?" he asked.  Tommy bit his lip and nodded.  He grinned and pulled off at the next exit towards the rest area.  Pulling into a parking space.  He chuckled when Tommy opened the door and hurried towards the male restrooms before the truck had come to a complete stop.  Turning off the UHAUL, he opened the door and stepped down.  Whistling, he locked both doors and walked towards the vending machines, as he got closer he heard the sounds of grunting and flesh hitting flesh.  He smirked.  It sounded as if there was a couple out there who was making good use of the relatively vacant rest area.  He couldn't wait to ask Tommy if he'd noticed who the couple was.  No sooner had that thought occurred than the strong, pungent, coppery smell of blood wafted up to his nostrils...his mate's blood.  That wasn't the sound of sex he'd heard, that was the sound of someone attacking his mate.  Without a thought for keeping his identity hidden to humans, he ripped his clothes from his body and allowed the shift to come over him, calling forth his wolf.
     His wolf was massively huge and black, he was bigger than the alpha, although the alpha was stronger in his wolf form than he was, which was as it should be.  Without another thought, he shook to be sure all of him had shifted completely and with a loud, menacing growl he raced towards the men's restrooms and his mate.  What he saw when he entered stopped his blood cold and then filled his veins with rage.  His mate was curled on the floor, his clothes ripped, his face badly beaten, his makeup smeared, his cock hanging limply, his torso covered in bruises, his ripped skirt in the corner, the cute red heels were being held in his attackers's hands as they raised them to continue with his beating.
     Ton growled low in his throat.  His mate was hurt, he could hear his heartbeat, which meant that he was alive, which is the only reason he wouldn't be killing these assholes, but they were going to wish he had.  He grinned ferociously when all three men screamed.  They were all the spitting image of snobby, preppy rich kid.  All of them wearing their khaki pants, loafers, button down shirts, and even their sweaters were tied around their necks.  Ton didn't care about that, or the fact that their hair was still so immaculately groomed.  He wanted their blood and he wanted it now.  He leaped forward and grabbed one guy, the head guy he'd assume by his actions, his jaws clamping down on his arm and jerking back.  He howled in satisfaction when the arm broke and the bone punctured the skin.  He refused to swallow the bastard's blood and spit out the small amount that had dribbled in his mouth.  His wolf was large enough to prevent the other men from leaving and in a few seconds all three men were unconscious and bleeding on the floor profusely.  Shifting back he hurried over to his mate and with a whimper picked up the smaller man in his arms.  He walked around the room, collecting Tommy's clothes and shoes, before hurrying out of the bathroom.  Looking around the wall that made up the entrance to the restroom, he saw that the area was still deserted and his clothes were still where he left them.  He scooped them up and jerked the keys out of the pockets and rushed to the UHAUL truck.  Opening the door he placed Tommy gently in the seat and quickly pulled on his pants before climbing inside the vehicle.
     Buckling in his mate, he started the truck and backed the vehicle out of the space, before driving out of the rest area quickly.  He had to find a hotel, a nice hotel, and quickly.  He needed to get his mate to a hot bath and a bed so he could assess his injuries.  He'd just found this man, this special man.  His man.  He wasn't going to let him go now.

Truth in a Joke-I am Static, I am Bi-Gender, I am Me

So I talked very briefly to my brother this morning and he asked me if I still loved him after everything yesterday. (DUH!) I told him that nothing he did or said would ever make me stop loving him.  I helped to raise him.  We've had our fights (knock-out, drag down fights-he only won once-hehehe), we've kept each other's secrets ("Vee, why do you have a plastic toy in your drawer that looks like a penis?"), and we've always stood up for each other ("Listen up bitch, you hurt my brother again, I will kick your ass from here to Sunday.").  So of course I'm not going to let a little thing like him struggling with depression over the fact that he's being kept from his son and a woman he loved has been using him for his money this whole time, stop me from loving my baby brother.  Even if he killed someone, I'd be UBER disappointed but I'd still love him.  I asked him if he'd still love me if I got a penile implant.  He laughed and said he'd wondered what was taking me so long to "grow a pair."  We both laughed but you know what?  I wonder if he was really being honest with me.

I know that in their own way my family loves me and that my friends support me, but if I rock their comfortable worlds and become "abnormal" or "transgendered" or "bi-gender"?  I was talking to my new friend Kate about it and I confessed that I've always struggled with this.  Feeling both male and female.  Some days just wishing I had a dick and a cute guy to fuck in the ass and then other days feeling so feminine and wanting to be fucked myself.  Plus I love my tits you know?  But, I come from a Christian family and that stuff isn't even considered.  As I get older and care less and less about the opinions of others, I think more about what would make me happy.

I love being a woman, but there is a part of me, a rather loud, dominant and obnoxious part of me that yearns to be a man.  So while my family teases me about being a "big, biker dude" on the inside, I'm not sure that they'd be so supportive if I took steps to actually make myself more comfortable with who I am on the inside. I wouldn't even know where to begin.  What steps to take, who to talk to.

What friends can I depend on to still stick around if I did this?  How do I do this?  Can I do this?  I know for the first time in my life I feel this weight lifting slowly off of me, because I've admitted it to myself and to others.  Kate teased about therapy and the truth that came shooting out of my mouth was shocking even to me:
      There are times when I love being a woman, love being me, but most of the time, I wish I were a man. I'm not sure what to do with that and honestly going to therapy over the whole thing means (to me) that there's something wrong with feeling this way. I don't think that there is. I was born this way. There weren't circumstances that made me this way, no one's telling me to be this way, if anything society is telling me that I have to choose one or the other. Why? If I was born feeling "static" feeling both like a man and a woman, neither of them really conflicting with the other, both complementing the other half and both of them attracted to the same gender, what's the problem?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Inconceivable: Part One-NSFW

Part One:

     "I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, THE EDGE.  I'm on the edge!" Tommy sang along with Lady Gaga as he lined his eyes with black eyeliner and put on his mascara.  Tilting his head to the side, he let his long, wavy, black hair fall to the side and smiled at his reflection.  Puckering his lips he blew a kiss to himself and turned to grab his bag from the toilet seat before leaving the bathroom.  Turning off the light and his iPod, he opened the door and stepped into his bedroom.  He was ready to go out tonight.  He needed to find himself a big, strong, SANE man who didn't turn into a fucking werewolf and get laid.  Whistling, he adjusted his bra inserts and then screamed loudly.  Sitting on his bed was the one man he was trying so hard to forget.
     "TON!  What the HELL are you doing here?" he yelled out at the overgrown cowboy who sat with his hands resting on the bed behind him and his long, muscled legs stretched before him and crossed at the ankles.  Tommy swallowed thickly and let his eyes peruse the Texan that lay before him.  Ton was a big, scratch that, Ton was a HUGE man.  Named Anton Forrester, the man who stood at 6'7" and weighed about 240 lbs looked like a walking tank, his own black hair was cut extremely short, in the military style, his body was almost like one huge muscle.  Tommy couldn't stop the whimper from escaping his lips.  He'd been hot and horny for Ton's body since the day he'd met him.  Tommy groaned as he felt his cock start to thicken.  Hissing in pain, he turned and hurried back into the bathroom before Ton had a chance to reply to free himself from the tucking he'd done to appear like a woman.  Groaning at the feel of his cock enlarging fully, freed from its tight confinement, he wondered why in the world Ton was there and how in the hell he'd gotten into his apartment.  At that thought he turned and yanked open his bathroom door, unaware that the tight blue silk dress he'd put on was bunched around his waist, his cock displayed proudly.
     "How did you get in my apartment?" he hissed out as he glared at Ton.  The bigger man merely smirked before standing to his full height and walking towards him.  He stopped once he stood directly in front of Tommy, looming over him and without answering, grabbed Tommy's erection and began to stroke it.
     "I fought in a battle back in Texas, trying to keep Vet alive and keep Richard and those triplets safe and when I survived it I asked myself what would I have regretted if I had died?" Ton began speaking, his deeply rich voice washed over Tommy and lengthened his erection even more.  He groaned as Ton twisted his hand over the top of his cock before stroking it back down.  "I realized that I would regret not coming after you.  Just letting you leave me and run away like that.  You're my mate Tommy.  I know you know what that means, I explained it to you.  But just in case you need to hear it again, that means that you belong to me.  You're mine.  You hear me?  You don't get to leave me.  You don't get to run away back to New York because you don't understand something or because something frightens you.  You're mine.  This here," Ton stated, squeezing Tommy's dick which was leaking pre-cum, "this belongs to me."  Ton reached around Tommy's waist and squeezed his ass, "And this?  This ass is mine too."  Without hesitation, Ton spun Tommy around to face the bathroom sink and pushed him forward slightly until his bubble butt stuck out further.  The cowboy groaned.
     "I ain't giving you up without a fight.  I was planning on telling your landlord that you were my cousin and that the family had sent me out to stay with you for a few days but that I thought you might be at work and I just wanted to check but turns out, your landlord is a wolf shifter too.  All I had to tell him was that you were my mate and he let me right on in.  I heard you in the shower so I waited and I'm glad I did," Ton leaned over to speak into Tommy's ear and he shivered.  He couldn't believe that the Texan had flown all the way to New York, dealt with traffic and navigating through Greenwich Village, just to find him.  He couldn't believe he was here and he couldn't believe that he was sucking and nibbling on his ear, his neck and his shoulder.
     "I just don't think I'm really who you need Ton," Tommy's breath stuttered out of his chest.  "I mean, I understand that your pack or your family is understanding about the gay thing, but I'm a cross-dresser also.  I like to dress in drag.  In women's clothing," Tommy pointed out, hoping that Ton would leave after that.  The other man just shrugged.
     "And your point?" Ton asked as he pulled Tommy's dress over his head and dragged his tongue down the smaller man's spine to the globes of his delicious ass.
     "Some people may have a problem with that," Tommy pointed out, gasping when he felt Ton bite one cheek and then the other before kissing both.
     "Well then, fuck them.  I don't need their permission to mate you.  Their approval means nothing.  The only people whose opinions matter outside of yours and mine is Alpha Vet and Alpha Mate Richard and both of them are fine with it.  Ecstatic even.  So let's get to the root of all of your problems," Ton rationalized as he dragged his tongue down the crack of the smaller man's ass as his hands held the cheeks apart.
     Tommy groaned as he felt the tip of Ton's tongue flickering his taint and then gasped when that tongue traveled up and pressed lightly into his tight entrance.
     "Shit almighty!" Tommy moaned as he pressed his ass further back.  He jumped lightly as Ton smacked one side of his ass.
     "No moving until you answer my question.  What are you really afraid of?  Are you scared I'm going to eat you?" Ton asked before returning his lips and tongue to his warm channel.
     "No!  I'm not scared you're going to eat me!" Tommy gasped, his mind turning to mush beneath the onslaught of Ton's oral attack on his body.  His body jerked when Ton jerked him back firmly on his tongue, one hand pulling the left cheek of his ass to the side while the other hand reached around to stroke his cock.  He was in heaven.  He felt his orgasm approaching quickly and then whined when he felt Ton pull away from him.  He was turned again and felt himself looking up, up, up into his cowboy's eyes.  His cowboy had the most beautiful blue eyes ever and Tommy felt himself sinking into his gaze.
     "C'mon baby.  My beautiful, beautiful little man, tell me why you ran from me.  Was it really the wolf shifting thing?" Ton asked and Tommy heard the sadness and confusion in his tone and knew that he had to be honest, both with Anton and with himself.
     He shook his head no and sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth.  "What if you mate me and then you meet someone that you want more?  Someone who isn't as big a freak as I am?  What if I give up my life here like Richard did and move out to Texas with you and then you change your mind?  What if I'm not enough for you?"
     Tommy gasped as he felt himself lifted into Ton's arms and carried back into the bedroom without another word being spoken.  He was laid down on the purple duvet and opened his mouth to ask Ton what he thought about what he'd just admitted to when the larger man leaned over him and took his lips in a deep kiss.  He moaned.  It had been way too long since he'd tasted Ton.  They'd kissed a few times when he'd been in Texas and each time had been more amazing than the one before but this time?  This time he felt like he was coming home.  He felt as if his heart and his soul were righting themselves within him, finally coming alive.  He felt whole and complete.
     He groaned again as Ton rubbed one finger around his puckered entrance before slowly pushing inside of him.  He lifted his hips and pushed his head back into his pillow, Ton's name on his lips.
     "Mmm, that's right baby.  Feel me.  You're mine.  Give it to me.  I want it all," Ton rasped in his ear before  moving his lips down Tommy's chest, blowing air over his groin and then taking the smaller man's very erect cock into his mouth at the same moment he pushed in a second finger.
     Tommy's orgasm took him by surprise and he came thickly down Ton's throat and panted out the larger man's name.  His body trembled as he felt Ton continued sucking him his now softening cock, his fingers still thrusting inside of his still clenching channel.
     "Oh.  My.  God," he breathed and heard Ton chuckle.  The bigger man pulled out his fingers slowly and crawled over him.
     "You're perfect for me baby.  That's why fate gave you to me.  Now that you know that, no more running.  You're coming home with me to Texas...where you belong," Ton stated gruffly and Tommy could do nothing but nod.  He could only hope that Ton was right and that the cowboy wouldn't regret bringing him back to Texas.

Update on My Brother

*UPDATE: My brother, who is serving in the Navy over in Japan, has been put on suicide watch.  It eases my mind somewhat, I was finally able to eat for the first time since this all began.  I took it upon myself to talk with his CO about everything that's going on and they are going to look into all of it.  My brother needs to be able to see his son and he needs to have people around him who truly care about him and not his money.  Anyway, that's what's going on.  I'm going to go and have a good cry and then I'll be able to focus and write "Inconceivable", I want to write about gay wolf shapeshifters now. LOL.*

Inconceivable Delayed

*UPDATE: My brother, who is serving in the Navy over in Japan, has been put on suicide watch.  It eases my mind somewhat, I was finally able to eat for the first time since this all began.  I took it upon myself to talk with his CO about everything that's going on and they are going to look into all of it.  My brother needs to be able to see his son and he needs to have people around him who truly care about him and not his money.  Anyway, that's what's going on.  I'm going to go and have a good cry and then I'll be able to focus and write "Inconceivable", I want to write about gay wolf shapeshifters now. LOL.*

I know I promised to put up the first part of "Inconceivable" the story of Anton "Ton" and Tommy from the Tate Pack, but my baby brother, Stephen (biological brother-not just the brother of my heart) has my family really concerned with some posts that he's putting up on Facebook, regarding suicide and stuff.  I just found out that the girl he was supposed to marry, they broke up (over money or something) and she took his son and now she won't let him see my nephew.

It's a whole complicated, sordid thing and like I said yesterday I am a possessive, protective, selfish bitch and now this bitch is messing with not only my nephew getting to have his father in his life, but she's messing with me having my brother in mine.  So I'm scared and BEYOND pissed off.  I can't even THINK of writing Inconceivable until this is all sorted out.  My brother is in the Navy so I told my parents to call his command post and have someone go by his place.

My whole family is texting, calling, emailing and posting up a storm on his facebook page, unfortunately, nothing seems to be working.  I can't read, eat or even watch tv until I know that my baby brother is okay.

Anyway, I was just letting you all know, I'm not sure when it will be up, I'm hoping all is resolved by this afternoon and that my brother is alive and getting support, encouragement and help and that that "woman" has become compassionate or whatever and that my brother gets to see his son, but I won't be posting anything remotely creative until then.

You'd Just Be a Drag Queen

Okay so I teased in a post about me asking my doctor about me getting a sex change. Ever since it seems as if that's all that some friends of mine can talk about. They ask me if I was serious (*shrug* maybe. I honestly love my strap-on, but I also love the taste of a man's cock in my mouth or licking his ass and m__ost importantly being fucked by a man with muscles and everything), what would I do with myself if I did get it done (find some really hot gay guy and fall in love and duck his brains out, so he'd have to be open to being a bottom, a lot of the time-LOL) and then from out of nowhere my friend Angel, the newly married major queen that I have known since freshman year of high school tells me today during Skype "It doesn't matter if you got the surgery or not, you'd just be a drag queen anyway." I wanted to laugh but there are sometimes when I feel like, even as a woman, that I'm dressed in drag, just impersonating a woman. So I included a picture of what I looked like when I talked to Angel, this look inspired that one-sided decision about me going to the doctor to become a man.

I honestly don't know if I can say that I feel like I should have been born a man instead of a girl. I want to have a baby so badly that I ache with it sometimes, I want to be pregnant so much that I have told every gay male couple that I am close to that I know wants to have children that I will be surrogate or egg donor and surrogate, whichever they want. I also love my breasts and love putting on makeup and wearing heels and dresses. So at those times all I want to be is a woman. So it's a I guess I am just weird thing. The woman who wants to be a gay man who dresses up like a woman.

Tell that to someone who knows me and they'll say "That foolishness only belongs to Vee-Vee." LOL.

So until my own brain makes sense I just smile and laugh and ignore their pressure to go and get the surgery done until they'll all drift away. I don't know what I'll do if I will end up doing anything. So frustrating.
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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I'm a Selfish, Possessive, Protective Bitch

I am brutally honest with everyone.  With friends, with family, with complete strangers, but especially with myself.  I have always known that I am protective.  I'm protective of those that I love, those that I care for.  Hell, in high school, I skipped school one day to go and beat my friend Angel's boyfriend's ass because he'd punched Angel and called him "a queer spic."  I'm not sure if I was more angry at the racial slur or the crack at his sexuality (especially because this guy was OBVIOUSLY gay too), but either way I was livid and when Angel showed up at school with a black eye and told us what happened, without thinking I gathered up my boys, we climbed in Justin's car when over to this jerkoff's house and when he answered the door, I beat the ever loving shit out of him.  Don't get me wrong he got a couple of hits on me also, but I was in an abusive relationship at that point so I'd learned how to take a couple of hits (that's a whole 'nother story right there).  Anyway after that everyone called me a "Crazy Ass Bitch" at school.  I was fine with that label, because before that I was either "slut" or "bitch," but atleast with this label people thought twice about messing with my friends or my siblings.

When I got in college I realized how selfish I was.  That selfishness sort of tied into the protective thing, because whatever or whoever I had welcomed into my life, or cared about, or claimed as belonging to me, was mine and I might share with you, but if I did and you abused it, well, my protective instincts flared up and I'd have to go all ape-shit on you.

It wasn't until recently that I realized how possessive I am also.  I don't know how many times in the last few months I've heard the word "MINE!" when thinking about a friend or a family member or one of my kids from the LGBT center group.  My friend.  My sibling.  My kids.  My mother.  My Tweepling (someone that follows me on Twitter) etc.

Anyway, I know you're probably wondering what brought this rant of mine on.  A few things actually.  They switched my VA doctor and that affected the LGBT teen group that I volunteer with because I won't be able to see them as often, which made my heart and mind flared up into "MY kids!" majorly.  I had that horrible day yesterday, and then today I read a post by one of "my" boys that so infuriated me that I honestly had to take my own deep breath.

I've been told by friends that it's because I'm a Scorpio and we wear our hearts on our sleeves, so it doesn't take much for us to fall for someone, to start to care for someone and to become protective over them because of that caring.  My friend Angel says it's just because my heart is so big.  I think it's because of all that I've gone through, seen and experienced.

I've always been the one who took on the plight of "the little people."  Even in high school, while I was being bullied for being black, ugly, skinny, flat-chested, nerdy, and a slut I always hung out with the outcasts and stood up for the people being picked on.  It was so easy for me to open my heart and my life to these people, especially to "the gays", because they were usually the ones who opened their hearts and lives to me.

So, anyway (let me finish this before I go chasing that rabbit down his hole *snicker*), I realized today while I was reading this post that I am a selfish, possessive, protective bitch.  I am of the mindset that you do not hurt my friends, and if you've hurt them in the past then you ask for forgiveness now, and do it quick before I find out about it or you're going to have to deal with me and I fight with precision and skill.  The Army taught me how.

And yes, I know not too many people want someone in their life with that kind of aggression and I can assure you, I am the nicest, sweetest, "most adorable" person 99.9% of the time.  However, when someone I consider a friend, or want to consider a friend, or a brother, or a sister, or one of my kids is hurt, well then 0.01% of the time, I'm out of my wheelchair, or off of my cane and it's like I was never injured in the Army and I'm kicking ass, either physically or verbally.

I told my Marmie about my little epiphany and she just laughed and said, "Oh Vee honey, are you just realizing this?  I knew this when at the age of 5, you beat up some 10 year old boy because he pushed two other little kids down at the park.  And these two kids?  One was 8 and one was 6, both older and bigger than you.  One of them was a boy and honey, neither of them were black.  You just looked at me and said 'Marmie, that boy just did something bad,' then you stomped off over to him, hit him in the stomach and then punched him in the nose, before pushing him to the ground."  I was shocked because I swear I don't remember doing this, I asked her what she did and she said that after she got over her initial shock, I got a "whupping" (which is TOTALLY different from the "spankings" that other kids get.  If you have a black friend ask them to describe the horror of a "whupping"-LOL) for fighting.  Probably why I blocked it out.

But that's me, male, female, man, woman, boy, girl, gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, cross dresser, hermaphrodite, tri-sexual, bi-curious, atheist, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Wiccan, Hinduist, Muslim, black, white, hispanic, asian, indian, native american, it doesn't matter to me, I fall for the heart of a person.  Sometimes I can tap into that heart from just a simple "Vee, I read your profile and you seem so cool, I'd love to get to know you better!" or an offhanded "Thank you for your service" or even a deeper "You're worth replying to," but I trust my instincts and my intuition and since I have this "really big heart" that I "wear" on my "sleeve" I open my heart to people quicker, easier than most others and yes, that sets me up to have my heart broken and crushed a lot more often than others as well, but because of that, my heart heals quickly so that the next person can move right on in and once you're in, all I want to do is protect you, take care of you, make you happy and yes, be selfish, possessive and protective as hell over you, but I think it's worth it.

I have bought friends cars, performed weddings and civil ceremonies, played matchmaker, babysat, gone on road trips, helped friends find jobs, apartments, houses, flown all over the country and the world just to comfort them or to share in their joy, to be there when they perform on Broadway for the first time or to help them eat Rocky Road ice cream when they find out that their partner of the last eight years has been cheating on them and gave them AIDS.  I do these things without blinking, without hesitation, because I love and I love hard, fiercely and forever.  And I'm not saying these things to make myself seem like some amazing, superwoman, because I'm not.  I am hopelessly flawed (to quote Jo March from Louisa May Alcott's "Little Women") and I'm bold and blunt about those flaws and I can get to the point where I just take a few days and go off by myself with no word to anyone, just to have some "ME" time, but I am me.

I am a selfish, possessive, protective, loving, giving, understanding, compassionate, funny, talented, trusting, trustworthy, honest, loyal, faithful and caring....bitch.

Unthinkable: Epilogue


     "VET!!! GET IN HERE QUICK!!" Richard yelled and Vet felt his heart stop in his chest before it sped up quickly.  Hearing his mate's frantic voice, he slid out from underneath the sink and raced towards the living room.  
     "What happened?  What's wrong?" he panted out, his eyes darting around the room looking for the source of his mate's panic when he saw nothing he looked back at his mate and then stopped in his tracks.  Richard was sitting on the floor with RJ standing in front of him, his hands on the baby's waist.  RJ was facing Vet, his hands stretched out towards him.
     "Watch Daddy.  Look at what our baby can do," Richard said with a grin before looking at RJ.  "Show Daddy what you can do RJ.  Go to Daddy."  Seconds later Richard released RJ and Vet's heart stuttered in his chest as the baby took one step, then another, then another.  Tears stung his eyes and he knelt before the little boy his arms open as the infant stumbled into his arms.  Lifting him into his arms, he clutched the baby to him tightly, tears rolling down his face.  He missed his sister Mandy so much at that moment.  Mandy should have been there to see her baby take his first steps.  She should have been there to see them grow up, to celebrate with them when Amy had said "Papa" for the first time while holding Richard's face.  He couldn't help feeling a little guilt because he knew that had Mandy still been alive he probably wouldn't have met Richard when he did and he wouldn't trade his life with his mate for anything in the world.
     It had been six months since the battle with Bobby Ray.  Six blissful months with the triplets.  They had welcomed all twenty-five of the rogue wolves into the pack, the farm and the ranch were flourishing, Richard had started teaching dance to some of the cubs in the pack, he had also started planting and maintaining their vegetable garden and their greenhouse.  Vet was extremely proud of him.  The triplets were thriving, growing up quickly, learning to walk and talk,  always smiling and laughing and happy and Vet knew it was all because of his mate.  With a final hug for RJ, he placed the little boy down on the floor and strode over to his mate.  Richard stood up with a smile on his face.
     "Aren't you proud Daddy?" Richard asked.  The two of them had taken to calling each other by what they wanted the triplets to call them whenever they were around.  Vet thought it was a little silly.  Atleast he did until Amy had called him "Dada" and then he'd grinned like an idiot for five hours.
     "I am so proud and so happy Papa," he responded before taking the smaller man into his arms.  "You have made me the happiest man in the world.  I love you more each day.  Thank you."
     Richard blinked up at him before a wide grin split his face, "I love you too my big puppy cowboy."  Richard laughed and took off running as Vet growled playfully and gave chase.  "I'm a wolf not a dog!" he yelled out before tossing his smaller man over his shoulder and heading towards the kitchen, where he laid his mate down on the counter and showed him the difference between a puppy and full-grown wolf shifter.
     Vet had never expected to find his mate in New York, had all but given up on having children of his own, but it turned out that what he'd thought was impossible and unthinkable turned out to be the greatest thing to ever happen to him.  He couldn't have asked for anything more.

                                                              THE END

*AAaawww, sad to have to say good bye to Vet and Richard.  But I've got another story idea called "Inconceivable" and it's about Anton "Ton" and Tommy, so we'll see Vet and Richard again.  Hope you enjoyed it!*

Monday, August 22, 2011

Unthinkable: Part Twelve

*So I am SO unbelievably tired today and late with putting up this installment, but in true Vee-Vee fashion, I got an idea for a new book and had to start writing it.  Outside of the "Passion's Hero" series and the "Sacred Duets" series, both of which are fantasy/paranormal M/M romance, then the other day I was talking to a friend and she said, "You know you're gay right?" and while I laughed, it was instantly the first line in a new book for me.  So I've spent some time outlining and getting to know Markus Nelson, one of the wealthiest businessmen in the nation, built like a linebacker, gorgeous and an extremely closeted gay man, Tiffany Nelson, his outspoken, proud, lesbian younger sister, and Ethan Wells, the beautiful waiter he falls in love with.  It's the first contemporary book I'm attempting and it's in first person so it gives me an opportunity to actually BE that gay man that that psychic told me that I was in a past life. LOL.  I always get so excited when I first start a book or a story, because the characters are always so fascinating to me, I get to find out why they think, act and feel the way that they do.  That leads the story the way it goes.  Not even that, today I had a Hollywood moment when my car filled up with smoke as I was driving and slowed down until it stopped on the side of the interstate.  I had two police officers, a Road Ranger and a tow truck guy all stop (the tow truck guy was actually from Allstate Motor Club, which I have).  If I had been in a Hollywood movie, I would have begun a love affair with one of them.  If I were in a porno, I would have been fucked by each one of them only to have my car start up perfectly fine at the end.  In my dreams, they all would have been really hot gay men and had sex with each other, while I watched...then again it's my dreams so I would've been a gay man myself and gotten in on the action.  LOL.  Anyway, during all of this I got an idea for Part Twelve of Unthinkable, so here it is.*

Part Twelve:

     Richard followed Ross through his small kitchen and into his living room and froze.  He turned around and looked again.  He hadn't left Ross's house and entered the Central Intelligence Agency, but he was surrounded by screens, monitors, gadgets, cameras, robots, video cameras, and all manner of spy devices.  As he looked at one screen he saw what appeared to be the back of his home with Vet.  His eyes widened as he realized that it was a live camera feed of their home.  Turning very slowly he turned to look at Ross with suspicion, stepping away from the other man, cursing the fact that he was standing so close to the triplets who still slept inside their stroller.
     " do you know Vet?" he asked suspiciously as he walked closer to the stroller and began to pull the triplets away from Ross.
     "Oh, me and Vernon go way back to preschool.  We both discovered that we liked boys at the same time, lost our virginity to each other, both of us topping the other, we shifted for the first time together," Ross sighed.  "We've been together for a really long time."
     "So, I guess you were upset when you heard that he'd found his mate huh?" Richard asked as he continued to back away from Ross who had his back to him.  He watched as Ross's shoulders stiffened.
     "No, not upset.  Vernon and I always knew that we weren't mates," the larger man responded, his voice tight with an unidentified emotion.
     Richard nodded though he was aware that the other man could not see him.  "So if you weren't upset that he'd found his mate then why didn't you go help him when you looked at your monitors and you saw the huge battle he was running into?" he asked quietly as he hid the triplets in their stroller around the corner of the room, in the hallway.  His eyes jerked up at the sound of Ross's gasp and then braced himself for the man's angry reaction.
     It never came.
     What Richard saw instead was Ross's shoulders shaking and he wondered if the other man was laughing.  He opened his mouth to rebuke the man when he heard his sob.  He was shocked when Ross's hands came up to brace against the edges of the desk he stood in front of.
     "I was fucking some closeted football player when it started.  I rushed him out of the door when I heard what was going on, hours later.  I was just about to shift and go down to help when you called.  I knew that Vernon would want me to help you, more than he'd want me to help him.  So I came to help you," a sniffle, a groan of despair and then a growl emanated from the bigger man's direction.  "I don't regret helping you and the babes, but my best friend is out there somewhere, maybe hurt or worse and I-"
     Ross's words were cut off by the sound of rapid pounding on the door.  Ross turned and sniffed the air before a big grin broke out over his face.
     "Then again, the bastard could be on the other side of the door," he stated excitedly before rushing over to the door and swinging it wide open.  Standing there, supported by Ton and Howell was Vet, looking bruised and bloodied but alive.  So wonderfully alive.  And to Richard, he'd never seen anything better.
     "Where's my mate?" Vet's voice rasped out moments before Richard launched himself into his mate's arms.  Vet lifted his arms from Ton and Howell's shoulders and caught the smaller man in his arms, sinking to the floor and pressing his face into his air and inhaling deeply.  Richard felt his throat tighten, and his eyes burn with unshed tears.  His mate was okay, he wasn't going to have to try and live without him.  Everything would be okay now.
     "So what happened?  Me and the little guy were just about to come down and join the party," Ross teased thought everyone could hear the emotion in his voice.  Vet growled and clutched Richard to him tighter.
     "Well," Howell, a broad shouldered black man with long dreads that hung down like thick black ropes to his shoulders and stormy grey eyes, said with a tilt of his lips, "seems as if Bobby Ray was a little bit upset that our alpha is a gay man with a gay man for a mate.  So he went out and found a group of rogue wolves to try to take over the Tate Pack.  He didn't tell the other wolves why he wanted to overthrow Vet though.  They didn't find out until after we were all fighting and biting and snarling at each other.  The one of the rogue wolves heard Bobby Ray yelling about finding the alpha's 'queer mate' and stringing him up and he sort of stopped fighting.  He yelled out in anger and raced towards Bobby Ray and started to fight against him."
     Richard lifted his head from Vet's shoulder and looked at Howell in confusion.  "Turns out that they were rogue wolves because they were thrown out of their pack for being gay and many of them are mates.  Of the twenty five men that came with Bobby Ray, only three of them are single," Vet said and Richard stared at him with wide eyes.  He leaned into the hand that Vet pressed against his cheek and closed his eyes with a purr of contentment.
     "So the fighting pretty much stopped a few hours in, but we couldn't find Vet, seems as though he was supposed to be beaten and kidnapped, so he could be 'reeducated' about his new role as a gamma to Bobby Ray or some nonsense," Ton rumbled.  "So we tied up Bobby Ray and took him with us while the rogue wolves took us to where they were supposed to meet up and start Vet's lessons.  The other wolves explained what was going on and Vet was released, badly bloodied and bruised.  We were going to let him just kill Bobby Ray right there, but he wanted it to be honorable so the two of them shifted and fought to the death and well..."
     "You won.  You survived.  You came back to me," Richard whispered, love and gratitude that his mate had survived shining through his words.
     "I promised you that I would beautiful and I always keep my promises," Vet responded before pulling his mate into a deep, loving kiss.

*Tomorrow's installment will go up in the morning.  I promise!*